Is it a good idea to live with my fiance before marriage?

Question

I'm in his space a lot, is that too much to do before we decide to tie the knot?

Answer 1

All I can say is that there are constantly women on the Marriage/Divorce forum asking why their guy won't marry them, even though they've lived together for many years (and sometimes even have children together). If you don't care about the possibility of him thinking a wedding is irrelevant because he's already living the life, then sure, go ahead. But, if hte only way you will be truly happy is to become his wife, then don't settle for less than that.

Answer 2

Honestly, it's a good idea. This way you know whether or not you can stand to live together and adapt to each other's habits and whatnot. I know I have lived with a couple boyfriends in my day and they haven't worked out because we knew our daily routines and everyday habits....and couldn't stand them! We wanted to choke each other at the end of the relationship...lol! I now own my own home at 25 and am currently seeing a guy that also owns his own home. We see each other just about everyday and we get along GREAT!

Answer 3

People tend to be very split on this and I will likely get the thumbs down, but I have lived with my fiance 2 years and I highly recommend it.  It gives you a good idea of what married life is like:  how clean the other person is, how they handle money and finances, how it is to see the same person day in and day out.  I think there is a big difference between living with someone while making it clear that you see it as a step toward marriage, and living with someone instead of getting married and then wondering why they never want to take the next step.  When we moved in together, I made my expectations clear all along and their was no confusion.  And I think that I have seen a lot of things about my fiance that I would not have otherwise known.  And I think our marriage will be better because of it.

Answer 4

I live with my boyfriend now. We are not engaged but we know we want to get married. Just spending time here & there or occassional sleepover doesnt really let you into a persons life. I think you need to live together to really see how a person truely is. What if he only cleans up when he knows your coming over? After you get married you suddenly find he's a sloppy mess. I'd rather know before I marry a pig what I'm in for cleaning up after him like a child. For me personally, I'm the messy one & he's the neat freak. I dont think it will be, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free if you have a good guy. If he's a jerk & decides he likes his life how it is without marriage...you dont want to marry that type of guy anyway. I want to test drive the car before I purchase.

Answer 5

Couples who start living together after they get engaged, and who have set a definite date for the wedding, are no more likely to get divorced than similar couples who do not live together (per my sociology professor).

It really depends on you - are you thinking like a couple? Have you talked about how you are going to manage finances and household matters? Are you committed to making decisions as a team? Do you have your wedding date set, or are you just floating along say "we'll get married when the time is right"? You have to remember that the financial repercussions are huge here if things don't work out.

I'm a little confused by your wording - he's your fiance, but you haven't decided yet to tie the knot? What does that mean, for you and for your future?

I'm not saying do or don't - I'm saying it could be good or bad depending on your situation, and advising you to give it serious thought beforehand.

Answer 6

I intend on living together once my boyfriend proposes to me. I feel this is sometimes necessary, especially with recent divorce rates. It's important to get to know the "real" person before committing it on paper :-) Good luck hun!

Answer 7

I think it's a great idea. You will know then if you can live with him forever

Answer 8

Statistically, those who live together before marrying get more divorces.

But I would say that being emotionally mature, having marital expectations agreed on, being debt free, having proper boundaries set, knowing about the individual sacrifice, etc. are a 1000 times more important.

The proper interpretation of the statistic is that most people who live together aren't emotionally mature, aren't out of debt, etc. Usually two lovers live together to save money...meaning they aren't that good with money and/or one party is too needy...and THAT leads to all sorts of marital destruction.

Answer 9

Statistically, increased risk of divorce.

Emotionally, less fun.

Morally, don't do it.

Financially, might be helpful.

Answer 10

I have lived with my fiance for 4 years now. I like the fact that we lived together before we get married. This way we can know each others quarks, peeves, or anything else that could make or break a relationship. If you have never lived together you might want to for the simple fact to find out if it can work or not being together is totally different than living together. Most people like to know what there going into rather than jumping in and not having a clue. I wish you luck.

Answer 11

Well I don't think it is a good idea.  You can get to know who someone is without living with them.  Our pastor actually said he wouldn't marry us if we lived together.  At first we were against that, but then thought about what marriage is all about.  If you are already living together, having s*x, and acting like you are married, once you are married there will be nothing new and special.  Don't get me wrong, we have had s*x before, but now stopped and are waiting for our wedding day.  (In total we are going without it for 14 straight months.)  It is really hard to do, but we both think it will be more special on our wedding day if we are holding off.  :)  We really want to live together too, because we are always together, and would save on gas if we just stayed together, but once again we want our wedding and marriage to be special.

Answer 12

I think it's a very good idea. If you live alone, it definety gives you the idea of what it means to share your space with somebody. I t can be hard if you're not used to it. Living day to day with a person is a learning process, so I do think it's important to live together before you get married

Answer 13

I lived with my husband for a year before we were engaged.  We dated for a year, I moved in, lived together for a year, and then were engaged for 8 months.  So we lived together for a year and 8 months before we were married.  

We saw no point in my paying rent somewhere else when I was always at the house.  He bought the house a few months before we met and we were always at his house.

We've now been married ten years.  I don't think that living together negatively affected us, if anything it taught us to deal with each others idiosyncrasies.

Answer 14

I think that, and this is my own honest opinion, before you marry somebody you should live with them. You can see someone all the time and think you know them, but everyone is different in their own home. That's when their true self comes out. I think that you need to live together to see if you mesh well together 24/7.

Like I said this is just my opinion but I think in my relationship now, the fact that we lived together before getting married was a good thing.

Answer 15

I live with my fiance and I dont see a proble.  you get to know everythign about him before getting married, so no bad surprises!

Answer 16

Depends on the maturity of the people involved - If you have been together for awhile it might not hurt - Remember when you are in a solid relationship you are thinking for two people - Life and relationships are one of compromise - Not knowing you age it is hard to be accurate - If you are relatively young you are going to go many changes - 18 to 30 is usually the growing and maturity process - your 30s are for settling into the lifestyle you want - After that is living the best you know how - Good Luck

Answer 17

i think it is very important to live together first. that way you can both get used to each other bad habits before the pressures that marriage can bring. when you spend 24/7 with a person (no matter how much you think otherwise) things will change, it takes some getting used to living with a partner. e.g. if you (or he) is a very tidy person and the other is messy that can cause lots of frustration and arguments. there are plenty of examples im not going to list all, but what is wrong with living with you future husband first? if anything it would bring down the divorce rate, because early divorce occurs mainly in couples that didn't live together first (as then they realize that they cant live with the person, they annoy them suddenly or they are just far different from each other than realized when they did not spend so much time together)

i really would move in together first, get to know one another on that level before the wedding, people tend to be more relaxed during arguments and getting used to the situation before marriage because if it doesn't work out you just go your different ways, instead of after a wedding when people gain a sense of "trapped" syndrome (hope you understand what i mean) good luck with everything

Answer 18

I moved in with my fiance only AFTER we got engaged, this was both of our rules.  Of course I stayed with him over the weekends and holidays so I knew what it was like to live with him for the short term.

I think it's a good idea because we were able to sit down and look at our combined finances and we have managed to pay off almost $18,000 in debt in six months because we made a budget and stuck to it.  This will take a lot of stress off of us when we return from our honeymoon and we can start our married life without that burden hanging over our head.  Talking business is not fun but it's needed.

You will also learn that not everyday is like the perfect date.  There will be times when there is nothing to do or all you do all day is clean together.

Answer 19

i would say yes. you see his habits then, you might be arguing within days, the reasons why you should are endless. at the end of the day just trust your instincts

Answer 20

It's a bad idea if you want the marriage to last - it doubles your risk of divorce. The elevated risk isn't a guarantee, but why chance it?