Is it a good poem or does it need help?

Question

I wrote this peom lat night is it good or does it still need work?

The History of Your Eyes:

I can see the future and the past in your eyes

Your helplessness desires when you cry

Stand there and await

No one is going to come

I can see tomorrow brings sorrow

And the loaded gun isn't gonna solve any ones problems

Your tears bring down your face as fast as light travels all around us

Your bulimic problems makes you feel empty with no hope

Your crazy addition to heroine makes you feel sane when your with it but in reality you were fine with out it

So you stand there await

No one is going to come

I can see your past was a diaster

And when your mother left you as you fell backwards

Your suicidal note was out of hand and

the psychiatric unit wasn't really in your plan

I completely see your future and past through your eyes

Your helplessness desires when you cry

Stand there and await

No one is going to come

But you're the only one who can help yourself get past the loaded gun!

Answer 1

I THINK its beautiful, well written and thought out and sadly, meaningful  -  whoever this is about..i feel very sad for them.  

very good job on the writing, keep itup.

i'd like to add a quicky that relates to #1

a many bones is as i see you

hardly human in the eyes of the venue.

the outside is weak

the inside is beat

a day closer to death

please come back to the rest

the mirror tells the truth

but your eyes, they hold the fruit

So close them tight

and just take a bite...

one day at a time

you'll someday find

Your not alone

and you need more meat on your bone

just ask for the help

and all hands will go up

my dear friend

don't make this the end

wake up from this dream

and belt out a scream

tomorrow you must live

or some day soon the beats will give.

Answer 2

let me help you.  first let's say you are on the outside somewhere and you are taking a photograph or a snapshot of this bulimic person.  You are just taking a photograph - but instead of a camera and film you use words.  A photograph doesn't read anything else into it like you are doing here.  It just takes a picture and the the reader forms the image in their mind.  You allow the reader to come up with the emotion as you take the photos of this person with your poetic camera.  it isn't an outpouring of YOUR emotions it is capturing the emotions of the other person like you capture the expression of a person in a snapshot.  Once you get this concept down your poetry will improve radically.  

  

Answer 3

I think it would sound better

I can see the future and past in your eyes

Your helpless desires when you cry

Standing there and waiting

but no one will come.

I can see tomorrow brings sorrow

and the loaded gun leaves problems unsolved

your tears stream down your face like lightning

your bulimic problems leave you empty inside.

Drugs make you feel sane

living in your own reality

But in reality

You'd be better off without them.

You stand there and wait

but no one will come

the past cannot be undone

Your mother left you to fall.

Your suicide note was in your hand

the psychiatric unit was not in your plan

I can see your future and past through your eyes

Your helpless desire when you cry

Standing there and waiting

but no one will come

Still you must put down the loaded gun!

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OK, so sorry that I completely rewrote your poem.  It needs puncuation too.  Take what you like from my slightly different rendition.  You have a great sense of imagery and a very poetic voice, but you need to work on the technical stuff like grammar and word choice.