Is it a mistake to get married if you've only been dating for 1 and a half weeks?

Question

My best friend has already picked out a wedding ring. She is planning on marrying a guy she has only been dating for a week and a half. Tho she's known him for a few years. Personally, I'm livid. I'm so angry and upset by her rash decision that she tried to lie to me and tell me it was all a joke. But then told me the truth a few days later. So now I'm even more upset cause she lied to me. I don't think it's possible to love someone, unconditionally, within that short amount of time. Plus you can't really know if they are the right person to marry unless you've lived with them. And then there's the pain of divorce. maybe she doesn't realize it, but it takes sometimes years for that to go through. She says she has never felt so weak in the knees. I say its all lust.

I think she's going through rebound, because she never once brought up liking this guy until the last guy she was seeing dumped her. Even so, after kissing him, she still told me she wished he were the guy before. Now a week later, she wants to marry him????

just some side notes, i don't like the guy to begin with. He faked his own death on myspace just to see if she cared about him. which is selfish cause she was scared to death. and when he kissed her, he was involved with another girl. so i don't understand why she could love someone like this.

anyone have thoughts on this? should i let her make her mistake and just swallow my feelings? Why is this making me so angry? How do I try to put a stop to something that is making no sense what so ever? i'm at a loss...

Answer 1

Have her read your question. You stated it very well.  

Answer 2

1. it makes you angry because you can see the possible effects of a failed relationship (even worse case when they are engaged or married), and your friend's head is in the clouds and loving it

2. rebound guy huh? is this common behaviour for her? (not just with people, but places and situations as well...)

yup, tough situation, but like there is anything you can do...

to be honest, you need to swallow your tongue for a while and let her (and yourself) see how things go. either she is or you will be right will unearth itself eventually. idealistically (for you, that is...) the dung will hit the fan, and reality will slap her in the face and she will realise what she is doing. this is the only time for you to step in and show support. but when you do, don't shove the "i told you so" mentality down her throat. just be positive and be with her when she needs the help.

but for now, maybe distance yourself from her and let the situation unfold for her. you cannot change people and/or help in a situation like this one. it won't help your friendship, and if you did the friendship may die right there.

unfortunately there is nothing you can do, so my advice is to let it go and focus on your own life and let her come to you. but at the same time, don't take any nonsense from her should she accuse you of any wrongdoing. this is where you can put your foot down in the relationship and state your opinion.

Answer 3

You have better insight because you are on Yahoo and read all the crazy things people do!

But..how can you tell your friend how to run her life? You just have to be a friend, love her and go easy.. you've warned her, now the rest is up to her- its her life and you and I both know she will need you when this breaks up. (just don't spend too much money on a wedding present!)

Answer 4

Any marriage is a mistake, but tying the knot after less than 2 weeks is plain idiotic.

Answer 5

i know you are worried that she is not making the right choice but you can't stop her, if she thinks she would like getting married to this guy let her. she will make her choice in marring this guy she will have problems, because she only knew him for a little bit. she will find out the hard way just don't get in the way, when they do have problems she will come to you crying. and say don't tell me i told you so, she will feel bad when she finds that she should of got to know him a little better before she makes her choice in marring him. well thats all i have to say everything will work out just give it time.  

Answer 6

you've told her what you think.  this is her mistake to make.  You can't protect her from herself.

Answer 7

HUGE MISTAKE anyone can put on an act for a week and this guy sounds like he has a few screws totally missing.  She will sorely regret this if she goes through with it.  She is wanting a wedding but has no idea what a marriage entails.  This guy ain't that kind of material

Answer 8

It sounds like this guy has some emotional problems, and your friend doesn't seem too far off, either -- considering she's accepted a marriage proposal from someone she's known for a mere week.

They must be two of the most needy people on earth.

it takes a good 2 years to get to know someone, and you don't have to live with them first, either.  although stranger things have happened, i don't think that it's wise or safe to get married to someone you've been dating for a matter of days.

I think this is making you angry because you care about your friend and don't want to see her do something stupid, or to mess up part of her life when she finds out she's made a huge mistake.  But, the truth is, we can't control what other people do, and when it comes right down to it, the lives of others do not directly affect us...

You can't stop your friend... If you can't talk to her without being rational, then don't bring up the subject.  If you can, then urge her to think about this for a while.  That's the best you can do.