Is it a rebound or not?

Question

Is it possible that I ended up in a rebound relationship with my boyfriend who ended up his relationship 2 years ago? They were together for 4 years. He was obsessed with her. In fact, the first thing he ever told me (as friends) was how they talked for a year as friends on the phone and then it stopped because she found another guy and that he misses her calls. We fought so many times over this and he swears he loves me and no one else. Still, sometimes he looks dissconnected and not involved. I am affraid he doesn't see me as he should. We are apart for 2 months now because he had to wait for his visa to come live with me and he hasn't told me ONCE with feelings how he misses me more than anything, it always sounds like a weather report. People tell me it's because he is Capricorn and they have problems expressing feelings, but still...? I visited him for 10 days and we ended up watching movies at night with his mother in the living room eventhough he has a TV and a DVD player in his own room! The first time we had s*x he even compared me to her mentioning something I don't mind and she minded and he even called me her name once while on the phone. He said he did that because we fought that entire day over her. He ended that relationship because she wanted marriage (was 5 years older than him) and he wasn't ready. Something tells me he is not over with that issue. What do you think?

Answer 1

He's not over her and it's beyond rude to mention your ex when having s*x with a new partner.  Geez - he even had the lack of class to mention this the FIRST time you had s*x with him.  He's not emotionally available.  Step on and find someone who isn't hung up on another woman.

Answer 2

I can understand your feelings. I got a bit of a shock when I found out that a guy I cared about and who I thought cared about me was still in contact with a woman that he had been wanting to get together with. He is a Capricorn, too. I panicked, thinking the same thing you are thinking, that he still cared. His response was, "She has a boyfriend and they are in deep," and not "No, you are the one for me." Men are odd creatures.

It is not so strange that he has some feelings even though they ended it. After all, according to you, they were friends. However, what good are you doing your relationship with him by fighting over her? He is doing some dumb things, true, like comparing the two of you, but you need to do things to get him to love you more, not less, because fighting over her might eventually drive him away.

Please try a different tactic, like investing more energy in creating a great relationship between the two of you instead of letting her become a wedge.

Answer 3

u've gotta let him go. he's not over her. mentioning her name after you two have s*x is definitely an indicator that his heart lies elsewhere.

Answer 4

Sounds like he is still carrying a torch for her.  Not saying he misses you after 2 months is not because he is a Capricorn...stop making excuses and look at the reality of the situation.

Answer 5

What are you doing? Of course he's not over her. He's using you as a substitute. If she ever becomes available to him, he'll dump you so fast your head will spin. Get rid of him now. If not, be prepared to live in her shadow for the remainder of the relationship. He doesn't love you, he loves her. Don't you deserve someone that puts you first in their life?

Answer 6

Relationships are not easy. Some people need a few years to get over someone, others a few minutes. This man is clearly not the latter.

Though the truth hurts, from what I've read, there are three of you in that relationship and the only one who doesn't want to be in such a love triangle is  . . . the former girlfriend. After a relationship is over, we sometimes see only the good things of our ex and not the bad things. He clearly as raised her up so high that it is impossible for anyone to not only replace her but to give him a fresh start in a relationship. You may welcome her ''spirit'' in the relationship because it could feed your ego of how better you are than her and that it gives your life drama to complain about it.

Don't expect him to suddenly change. He broke up the relationship with  her because SHE wanted marriage and he didn't. Has he said he wanted to marry you? Then I would run for the hills. He doesn't want to marry YOU, he wants to be married not to feel he is on the other woman's level.

You have doubts. You are also separated. I don't know why and where you will be back together again but I would personally use this time to make it non-exclusive. While you are separated, spend time with others, males AND females. Make friends! Hang out with others. Some people believe it is better to not be in a relationship that be in the wrong one. If you miss his call once, so what? His ex is not dead, so I feel no shame in suggesting to end a conversation if he mentions her name. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life, not him!

The s*x thing was totally out of line on his part. You can compare notes with your friends, but not with your partners. Yet again, either of you will feel uncomfortable with an unintended threesome.

His mother joining you to watch movies together. Can't support you on that! He has a relationship with his mother. The smartest thing my mother ever taught me was never to place yourself in an ultimatum between you and a guy's mother. So he wanted to share time with both of you. If it's so important to be chosen always over the mother, date an orphan!

My final opinion is he is not over her. You can break it off or give it a trial separation. He doesn't see you as he should means he doesn't see you as YOU want him to see you.

I'm a Capricorn and we are also known to be passionate, but not poetic. Stop making excuses for him and look at your future. If you are really unhappy, you know the answer!

Answer 7

I would not be able to be with a guy who isn't fully there for me. if i were you I would leave him.