Is it a trigee? Or a quad-eee? Please critique.

Question

caress . .. . . . .softly the words . . . . spoken of love

you posses.. . . the key to my heart.. . the one in your dreams

the power . .. . . the muse will write .. . your heart knows, we'll meet

gentle words . . caress the night . . . . remember the touch.

by VIctoria Tarrani ((c)08.08.11)

Answer 1

To Tori,

I would only change a few thing around..

(To or I) caress... each word softly... spoken of(instead of 'of' you can use by) (my one true) love

You posess... the key to my heart... the one of your dreams

The power... the (ancient) muse(s) would write (about)... (only) your heart knows, (when) we'll meet

(Your) gentle (Soft spoken) words...( that were, or that I) found in the night... (I will always be) remembering the touch.

I think you are asking if it's a quatraine

1. A quatrain is a poem, or a stanza within a poem, that consists always of four lines. It is the most common of all stanza forms in European poetry. The rhyming patterns include aabb, abab, abba, abcb.

2. In its narrow meaning, the term is restricted to a complete poem consisting of only four lines. In its broader sense, it includes any one of many four-verse stanza forms.

I hope I've helped you somewhat..

Answer 2

I think that this poem as a whole unit is really good, but I am not sure about them individually, maybe the concentration was too much on getting the whole picture instead of each part. You really are progressing wonderfully though Tori, I like how you are taking the time to do different things.

Answer 3

Trigees don't like me (I am a poor student) so I can't fully comment on the technical aspect. I take my hat off to you for the effort.

But....I think you were trying too hard to create the bigger Quadee form and almost ran out of steam. Caress used twice didn't need to be. (Brush/stroke the night?) I repeat words all the time I do, I do indeed.......

Good onya Tori!

  

Answer 4

I thought it was awesome, although l am in the experimental stage with this type of poetry. I believe Buzbe's suggestions are excellent and you should follow his advice, he/she has the best answer.

Why do I feel like this is tic tac toe poetry.?

note:

Have you wished Sher (above me in comments) a happy birthday... she just had one... and you should.email her. (smile)

Answer 5

Very nice....lovely images in this one!

Answer 6

Combined, I like.  Individual though, they seem  choppy and in the first, awkward.  How about something like this:

Caress softly, . .. . …. . . the words, . . …….. . love is spoken

you possess.. ……… .. the key to my heart.. . in your dreams

the power to give…….. the muse will write .. . “your heart knows”

through gentle words .. “caress the night” . .. remember the touch.

Overall, a beautiful sentiment

Answer 7

Gosh, Tori.  You are revealing me as a true amateur.  I am not familiar enough with a trigee or quadee to tell the difference, but I do like the thoughts you have put into this work.  It is really nice and very romantic.

You guys get me into more formats than I am ready to dabble in.  I'm still playing with free verse and rhyming poems (and I need to write something soon.)

But I definitely like this.  Again you paint a beautiful picture with your words.

Answer 8

Great ! i can't see nothing wrong with it at all , you can tell yours words are well thought out and put together.

trigee!

Answer 9

Nicely done.    I'll have to try one of these, though it will tax my brain.  I have read your right to left and left to write, bottom to top and top to bottom.  An elegant poem from every angle!

Answer 10

Tori,

You must start the action of thought or movement with a verb. Caress is the noun, but 'to caress', 'caressing' or 'I caress' would be the verbal action. Then in the second to third part you must use the noun to seperate the action to come. 3 dots is the correct punctuation mark. I always use it to express the extention of thought. I'm sorry I'm so clinical, but you know I mean well...

To caress...  each word softly... spoken of love

You posess... that key to my heart... the one of my dreams

The power... a muse would write... your heart knows we'll meet

gentle words... found in the night... remembering the touch

I also eliminated 2 uses of 'the' in your work. It is one of the most beautifully written works that I have read from you so far...  Grade  B+

Answer 11

It needs a little work here and there. I commend the quadee, I am still a little afraid of the trigee. I think some of the lines don't quite compliment the next one, so it affects the flow a bit-I am not one to judge though, I think the words are very floaty and pretty

Answer 12

You render me speechless, captivating me with the two last lines of the whole poem. Caress the night, remember the touch.

These lines disregard all fear that many have when it comes to the night. But let us not fear what we do not know, instead, take my hands and we will dance over moonstained fields with our darker fanged muses, letting them gnaw the edges of insomnia with promises. And if it is a mistake, perhaps it was worth making.

This is exquisite, thank you.

Answer 13

Here's the question: are each of your parts poems?  is,

caress

you posses

the power

gentle words

a poem? is,

softly the words

the key to my heart

the muse will write

caress the night

a poem? is,

spoken of love

the one in your dreams

your heart knows, we'll meet

remember the touch

a poem?  If so, then you've done well.  The key here is that each of the vertical stanzas need to be poems, then the poems are placed side to side and read left to right.  The concept of continuing this with a third poem is very interesting, because it allows a 1-2 pairing, a 2-3 pairing, and a 1-2-3 pairing, so there are at least 6 poems to be found!

Interesting idea...just make sure your individual poems work as poems by themselves...and keep writing.

Answer 14

Some of the poets here have written multi-stanza Trigees. Some have even written them in rhyme. I leave it to the experts and to its creator for further comment. As you know, I am weak at their construction.

(Trigee must be written with a capital T, like your name, it is a proper noun).

Answer 15

This is a great Trigee. Keep up these innovative poems.

Answer 16

This is ingenious! I don't mind the repetition, as a matter of fact each section is a "caress" or a "touch." The subject lends itself to repetition. Love is never so wonderful as when it is tactile, and you have created a very tactile poem. It is interesting that the connections - both horizontal and vertical - are not hard links of logical and grammatical correctness. They are gossamer webs of emotion or sensation. That is why this poem works so well, it is true to itself.

   I only have one consideration, "the key to my heart" may have been a striking poetic image when woolly mammoths were alive, but it's stale by now. The only way I  can think of to rejuvenate it would be to say, "She offered me the key to her heart, but I wanted her lox."

(Oh, c'mon! It wasn't that bad.)  At any rate, I like this poem, and I like it more each time I read it.

Answer 17

i don't know what a trigee is so i can't comment on that put i like the poem.

Answer 18

It's a beautiful poem with a beautiful sentiment.  I only see a little that needs work, but neonman and Buzbe have already made good suggestions.  You've done a wonderful job with this form.