Is it acceptable/necessary to use "the" to fill in a pome?

Question

I'm playing with form and "the" is completely unnecessary, but I'm having trouble making it work.

Wanna help?

There was a place we used to go,

Grandma's cottage, in days of old

the floors were scrubbed, in Spring with love,

the polishing and dusting done

As little children we'd arrive

With dog and parents as our guides

The beds are made, now go to sleep

On lovely, scented lake front breeze

~~~~

I'm in an emotional place now, but TRYING to write and learn, any suggestions are welcome. I'm going to continue with this, Robert H. inspired me on the story-telling angle. THANKS EVERYONE!

Answer 1

This is a well done poem. I do like it. To your question though: yeah in this case "the" is filler (because you can eliminate it in every instance without hurting flow or content).  If you are trying to keep your syllable count consistent just replace them with words that bring out concrete details. Example:

Pine floors

fine polishing

I love your last line by the way.

Answer 2

A very nice start.  Your flow is primarily iambic, I took the liberty of laying out the lines with the beats and then posting possible edits to correct those lines that did not follow the beat. Overall, very nice.  Keep going with this.  

-/-/-/-/

-//--/-/

-/-/-/-/

-/-/-/-/

-/-/-/-/

-/--/--/

-/-/-/-/

-/-/-///

A cottage, Grandmas by the lake

Parents as guides and dog of course

As breeze from lake did scent the air

Answer 3

Replace 'the' with an adjective.  That'd do it.  

Answer 4

When you need an extra beat, try to use another one-syllable word in place of the definite article. For example "the" polishing could be "all" polishing; "the" floors could be "dull" floors," "the" beds becomes  "soft" beds. In this way you have an image and a more powerful word, eliminating "the," a weak word, entirely: "polishing , cleaning, dusting done" retains your beat, but emphasizes action by using verbs.

Answer 5

THE floors, polishing and beds need THE.

Lovely scented etc, breezes does not.

What is the problem?

The poem is fine.

Answer 6

You have 8 syllable lines, and the word "the" used in your delightful poem kept the syllable count true.  but you could use any one syllable word as well, for instance "old floors were scrubbed".  I hope this helped at least a little!  The poem is so descriptive, I can smell the lake and woods!

Answer 7

I played with it, but you'll need to work on it more. I hope my suggestion helped with your finding the right solution.. I though I'd twist it around and let you play with the mess I made.

Grandma's cottage is where we'd go

back in the days when we were young.

Hardwood floors scrubbed, in spring with love,

waxing, polishing, dusting done.

As little children we'd arrive,

with dog and parents as our guides.

Everyone's bed made, we go to sleep,

On lovely, scented lake front breeze.

Answer 8

Rosie N's suggestion is a good one. I never tried writing a poem with out "the". I been practicing to keep the word "just" out. I write how I speak, so I guess my speech is a big mess, lol

This is a beautiful poem, I felt like I wanted to go to the cottage during the reading. I never been to one, but every time I read about one they seem do peaceful.

Answer 9

try using verbs instead of "the"

filthy floors were scrubbed, in Spring with love,

leaving all polishing and dusting done

All beds are made, now go to sleep

its a great poem. good job.

Answer 10

I honestly can't offer advice on the word "the", as I use it far too often for filler. But this poem is beautiful, and I can't wait to see what you do with it. God Bless, Reenie.

Answer 11

Hi, Reenie - where ya bin?

pine floors were scrubbed in Spring with love

(gets rid of problem and conveys a picture of log-cabin type cottage...even if that wasn't how it was...nostalgia knows no boundaries)

That's a lovely line by the way.

There was a place we used to go,

Grandma's cottage, with lakeside view.

Pine floors were scrubbed in Spring with love,

and this we knew, and this we knew.

(well, you can do better than that!!!!)

.....in days of old, uses up valuable space, and when you think....we all know that Grandma's represent the past and as you've said 'we used to go' I don't think it is necessary.....but, who the heck am I to say....sorry Reenie, I've got my editing head on to-day.

(Old Eraser head doesn't like your name - but totally ignored 'Where ya bin?' - strange)