Is it always our own fault if we have a terrible, painful life?

Question

For example: Say your parents divorced when you were three, you ended up being molested for years, you were always picked on for being a 'weird', smart, but geeky child, you left the environment only to meet abusive people who took your kindness and smile for stupidity... Would someone with a life like that be at fault, or could it mean that they just rolled a bad number when they were born?

Answer 1

No. It is not your fault. It is not your fault. You should say this to yourself as many times as you need to hear it. In the same breath, if one is able to put this thought process together and realize that there are things in life that they need to overcome, then that's a big big step.  To step outside of yourself, realize that you will not allow yourself to be a victim or think like a victim.  I have had many things happen to me in my life. They were not under my control. I don't take responsibility for the things that I did not choose. BUT I do take my control now, it's my life and I am the one to make the changes and put the people out of my life that don't want the best for me.  If this is you, I wish I were your friend and could talk to you.  Please don't think you rolled a bad number and things can't change. You are far ahead of most.

Answer 2

We can always find something to blame our unhappiness on. Or be happy.

If we need something to blame it on, we will keep attracting that.

That can include "rolling a bad number."

Answer 3

Some people are doomed....but life is a Choose Your Own Adventure.  Bad s**+!& happens to EVERYONE...more extensive to some than to others, but it's how you cope that is the only thing you can do.  

Some people turn to the cults/religion, others to drugs/drinking, some just become better people because of it, yet others dwell and sometimes make things worse.  

It's up to you.  My life has sucked balls so far...i'm 33.  i could blame it on things/people, etc.  but i won't.  It is a choose your own adventure.  

Choose wisely.

Answer 4

sometimes people are miserable for so long they start to feel weird when they aren't. people with lives like this have had plenty of points of reference and time to figure out that they need help. if they choose misery and dysfunction instead of learning and healing then yes, it is their fault. i have been through sadness about my life but when i become proactive it gets better. i also have had friends who continue being in a cycle of abuse and misery and they won't give it up or listen to anyone that they tell their problems to. these people eventually need to be cut off. it is an addiction like anything else. they won't stop wallowing in it until they're truly ready. you cannot walk through life blaming your bad luck on something that happened to you when you were 3.

one last thing people who are abused and then spread kindness others unconditionally are prime targets for sociopaths who will use them. there's a time though when you must say enough. get rid of the losers in your life and stop being a doormat. people will only degrade you when you give them permission to.

Answer 5

Life is what you make of it. Focus on your own deal and ignore comparisons with what others got dealt.I never knew my parents until around 16 or so, didn't know I had 1/2 siblings either.You just learn to be more self reliant then others because you have to be.This kind of stuff can make you crazy if you let it.Blaming others is ultimately pointless.

Answer 6

No, unhappiness is not necessarily the fault of the individual.  Some child sold into prostitution by impoverished parents is not to blame.  While we all make choices, for some doing what is right will bring about his or her own demise.  There is much we don't have control over, and much happens that we cannot say if there is a reason or what the reason may be.

Answer 7

This is not a situation where blame needs to be placed. Things are just the way things are. But it is what you make of them that counts.

I was born into poverty, alcoholic father. Disturbed mother (abusive). I was beat, cussed, neglected... Married an Alcoholic, Who also beat me. Got Hep-C from drug use as a teen. I had no guidance, so I made a lot of bad mistakes. (horrible) that I will suffer with the rest of my life.

And lots of other bad stuff.

But guess what I have, over come it all. I never look back only forward. i am remarried to a good man. I take care of my body. I am educated. Worked a Anxiety and Depression program, People like me who were raised with chaos in their lives learn to have anxious personalities.

Today I am whole. Was all this my fault my parents? I don't know I don't care. The past is gone.I live in the present Moment. I am strong because of what I had to go through and it made me want to be a good parent. I have a beautiful daughter. i give her all the things I did not have. She is a blessing. Life is good.