Is it annoying to have people around constantly after giving birth?

Question

I was just curious, my mother-in-law lives out of state, and is going to be coming to stay with us for a while after I have the baby. I am due in less than two weeks. I am excited to have the help, but many people have told me I will get tired of having other people around because I will want private time with my hubby and the baby. I really love my m-i-l, but I wanted to see how others in the same position ended up feeling about it.

Answer 1

It depends. I found that if you are the mom and it's your own family is a lot more bearable than your husbands family. I had my sister come for a month when I had my first baby and that was heaven, but my mother in law came for just a weekend and well, it was h**l! Also my other sister came for a week when I had my second baby. I loved it or maybe I just get along great with my sisters...

But if you get along great with your MIL then it could be great. You'll appreaciate the ghelp

Answer 2

It was really annoying for me. I had only met my husband's dad once before I had my daughter (he lives out of state and my husband wasn't very close to him before). But he hopped in his car the day I was in labor and ended up there that evening and I felt so awkward having in my hospital room after i had delivered. I barely knew the guy! But then once i got home, EVERYONE wanted to come over. I am thankful to have so many people in my life that care, but at the same time, i just had a baby, i was tired and exhausted, and just wanted bonding time with my husband and new daughter. My husband's family is very overbearing-they like to show up on our doorstep unannounced, they didn't really do much to help-they just kinda sat there everyday and honestly got in the way a lot. And it wasn't like they just stopped by for an hour or two-they'd stay ALL day. Ugh it was exhausting. And then my MIL (who i do actually get along with) was sending over friends from her church to see the baby-I had never met these people and my MIL wasn't even accompanying them. It was very awkward.

Answer 3

Set up boundaries before hand, if you have ever had boundary issues in the past.  If she's going to be staying with you, you need to sit down beforehand and discuss everyone's expectations of her during her visit.  Will she be there to care for the baby and/or your husband so you can rest?  Will she take care of you as well?  Do you want her to?  

Do you have the same philosophies on feeding, crying, changing, and sleeping through the night?  You will want to discuss these things beforehand so that you're on the same page and you don't inadvertently irritate each other with differing expectations.

I think this is a wonderful opportunity for all of you to do some family bonding, and if you and your mother in law aren't that close, it may be a great opportunity to strengthen your bond.

Answer 4

Forget what others tell you and be more concerned about yours and your mother-in-law's personality. Be sure that your house rules are clear before she comes so you aren't dealing with adult issues when the baby arrives. My mother in law is a sweetheart but likes to rearrange my kitchen and over cook my clothes in the dryer. I tolerate her faults because it's more important to me that she has a good relationship with my children.  Perhaps you would come up with a "baby care plan" and schedule personal bonding times.  Your mother in law can bond with the baby while you take a nap during the afternoon. Extra help will definately be helpful if everyone in the household is on the same page. Be very clear that YOU are the mother and her opinion is valued, but you have final say on how your baby is raised. She should always ask before she does something with your baby. For example: my mother in law thinks my baby is colic (he's not) and wanted to give him a homemade tea at 1 month of age.  I asked her not too but gave the tea to my husband when I wasn't around. Needless to say, she created an agruement between us.

Answer 5

Yes.

While I enjoyed having visitors here and there, I would NOT have wanted anyone (besides my hubby and daughter) around me and the new baby ALL the time.

Then again, I'm rather private like that. I wouldn't have been able to rest when I wanted to - Would have felt as if I was obligated to entertain a house guest even if she was there just to "help".

I had constant "lurkers" around when I had my daughter and honestly, I hated it. People ended up "hanging out" more than actually helping anyway. This time, however, I made it clear that people need to CALL and make plans with us before just showing up on my doorstep.

ETA: I can SO relate to the woman who posted her answer below mine. Hubby's family LOVES to stop by unannounced and, as I said, never actually provide the "help" they offered.

Answer 6

I did have a lot of people over but no one really staying with me (other than hubby) but it could go either way. One is that you'll have a well rested MIL to watch the baby while you sleep. shower or she can do laundry or anything like that. (if you can get her away from your baby!!)

But after a while you'll be like okay I'm ready for it to be just "us" (you hubby daughter). When you are ready tell her you'll be fine without her or you can get your hubby to tell her she should understand you need your own time with your new family.