Is it appropriate to have a wedding registry even though I'm eloping?

Question

Or is it just plain rude and presumptuous?

Answer 1

Hmmmm.....I'm not understanding.

Do you mean you are eloping and then coming home and having a reception?

A wedding registry is usually set up for a bridal shower and then the wedding.  Nothing is indicated where the couple is registered in a wedding invitation....only in the shower invitation.

So, obviously, if you are eloping you will not be having a shower.  If you are coming home and having a reception, I suppose you could set up a registry, but DON'T mention anything about it on your reception invitation.

Now, if you are simply sending wedding announcements to family and friends once you come home and not having a reception, then, NO, do not set up a registry.  If people want to send you something, I'm sure they will send a card with cash/check or a gift card.  

Good luck!

Answer 2

Very rude.  Announcements are also rude because it says that you didn't want them at the ceremony but you still want a gift.  A DVD is not enough.  Some people might be insulted.

Answer 3

I also find it to be rude.  

Answer 4

Don't even think about it! If you cannot be bothered to entertain your friends and family and include them in your celebration why on Earth should you expect them to give you gifts? I wouldn't want a DVD of a wedding to which I had not been invited.

Answer 5

Wow, you answered your own question. No and yes.

Even if you have a reception after, you would put "No gifts, please" on the announcement, since people were not at the ceremony.

And it would be plain rude to send a dvd of the wedding to anyone other than parents, siblings, grandparents.

Wish you luck. There are consequences to your choices.

Answer 6

It is just plain rude and presumptuous....and you're grasping at straws with the DVD idea.

Answer 7

Yes it's extremely rude, unless you're holding a reception that they are invited to afterwards. Sending a DVD doesn't count.  

Answer 8

I'd personally find it rude. The fact that you are eloping, is basically saying you don't want anyone to experience that happy day with you, which is ok, because it's your wedding and you can do what you want.. But don't expect people to buy you something, when they're not even able to share the day with you.

Answer 9

I do not think it's rude to register. Just don't expect a lot. I love the DVD idea, but I think more than that you need an event for people to give you the gifts at. They won't want to just mail you wedding gifts. I think you should throw a reception after the wedding...doesn't have to be too fancy. But make it known that you want to celebrate wiht those people. Cater a dinner, play the DVD, have gift table...maybe dancing. Just like a wedding reception.  

Answer 10

Its not rude to have a wedding registry, you are not forcing people to buy you a gift, but if they choose to buy you a gift they have a place to look and see what you need. Why would that be bad? I think people on here are a little too straight edge. There is nothing wrong with what you want to do, if people find it offensive (which most of you family won't) then they just dont buy you a gift. I do think you should send the dvd to everyone with the registry you send out though.

Answer 11

It's rude.  We eloped because we did not want to be the center of attention, we wanted the privacy and we wanted it for us.

Answer 12

It's presumptuous.  A wedding registry is used as a gift giving guide for weddings and shower gifts.  A shower is usually not given when a couple elopes.  Eloping is seen as a spontaneous action and not something you plan for.   You normally don't invite your closet friends and family to your secret wedding ceremony.    Therefore, it's a bit rude to say, "hey, we don't want a big to-do about our wedding and we don't want family/friends there, but we are more than willingly to accept gifts from our registry."

It doesn't work like that.  If you elope, then you really are giving up on the traditional aspects of a wedding.  This includes registering or having a shower.

Answer 13

If you're having a wedding registry, then you're not really eloping, are you?  

Answer 14

It is rude unless you are hosting a reception to share with your family and friends after your private ceremony.  Gifts should not be expected ever, but especially not if your family and friends are not going to be able to share in your happiness.

And no, it's still not OK if you are sending them a DVD.  If people choose to get you a gift and you do not have a registry, they will probably give you money or gift cards.

Answer 15

Definitely rude, no matter what you send them. Unless you send them a check to buy your gift with.

Answer 16

There is nothing wrong with registering.  (Publicizing the registry in an obnoxious way would be not OK, but you're not doing that).  If people want to get you a gift, they can ask for registry info.  If they feel slighted because you didn't invite them to a wedding, then they won't ask.  Simple as that.  

I cannot get my head around the notion that only couples who throw "real" weddings deserve gifts.  What happened to good old fashioned generosity?  Frankly, I feel better buying gifts for needy couples with tight financial circumstances than I do for couples who can afford a $100K wedding.  

Answer 17

It might be seen as a little rude. Maybe you could throw a little reception after the eloping? Something low-key and inexpensive.  You could send out a card announcing you marriage (maybe a picture from the wedding) and invite people to a bbq or something to celebrate.  

Answer 18

Yeah I don't think that it would be proper.

Answer 19

Yes it is rude unless you are having a reception.