Is it bad that i am not always inspired to smile, laugh, or say something?

Question

this may not be philosophical, but i the people in this section are usually smart and give good answers. let me say this, i have learned to not pity myself and accept things i can not change. i want to change my social life, be happier, and i am wondering if anyone else is like me and if i can improve.

during junior high until now, im 19 and a soph in college, i got very shy. i did a lot of searching and i know i have esteem issues. well anyway i have decided to accept myself as who i am. when i am around people, i am happy listening to their stories, but when they ask me something, i am uninspired to say something back or even laugh.

i have a hard time bonding with people except one guy who i had no intention of becoming good friends with, i actually got involved with. i have few friends who i sort of connected with. i think maybe i should not think about making friends and things will come naturally. im confused. also, i always fake smiles because i dont want to come off as bitchy or uninterested. doing this is exhausting. i consider myself to be mature for my age in other areas, but this is one area i am not good in. i also have a critical father and an anxious mother. any tips? thanks.

Answer 1

you're an introvert! that means you're supposed to be like this.

but you can come out and have a little bit of fun,can't you?

father and mother don't operate from a stable social place so

you never learned from them how to yourself,that's all.

join a club and get involved.if you don't like one: drop it and find

another.you could try a little cognitive therapy,therapist's exist

to help people.

Answer 2

When I was 19,I was told that making friends and fitting in with other people's plans for you was essential. I'm now 59 and still think they should mind their own business. My wife does not agree with me, but that is all right too.

Answer 3

This is sounding like me a bit! Do you feel detached when other people are talking or telling their stories? I do, it's like, I'm listening but I might as well be in a completely different place. I just turned 20 and am in my second year of university. I am also very conscious of what I say (back) to people. Sometimes I just can't be bothered to say something back, or say something in general. I'm always thinking though, always in my own world, my brain pacing away and coming up with new ideas as other people are talking. It bothers me sometimes that I can't just be engaged in the conversation, but have to somehow stand above it in my thoughts.

I don't really know what advise to give you, because from what I've read you seem like a nice person. Plus, you're concerned about this, which makes you a lot nicer than if you wouldn't be. I would say, just try to be with people and talk to them, and try not to get caught up in your own thoughts, worries, problems, etc. You'll connect better that way. I don't know, it's not great advise, but I know where you're coming from, I think/hope.

Oh and, your parents might make you more nervous than you should be, but I think that's something you can overcome, really. Anyway, e-mail me if you'd like. You'll be fine, trust me.  

Answer 4

I understand what you mean somewhat. For example at my church i dance, the dance that one of the instructors made up was really bad, and I just wasn't inspired to smile and Act like i was happy about doing the bad dance.But basically what they told me was that i wasn't doing it for me, i was doing it for God, so basically I had to leave myself out of it, hide myself behind the cross as they say and just do the dance because God loves it when I glorify him :)

Answer 5

little bit ch? are you innocent? your inability benefits the able? and Lady cain killed abel!

Answer 6

I understand what you mean. I also had esteem issues when I was younger (I am 40 now). I never faked smiles, but there was a period in my life in which I often got the remark that I didn't smile enough, that I was too serious. That was a period when I wasn't happy with myself, I was always tired and I didn't like the content of my life (the job and the poor social life because of the tiring job). Now, I have found a job that allows me to have a social life and to do the things I like in the weekends, because I am not so exhausted anymore (before, I used to sleep all weekend in order to be able to go to work on Monday). Now I go salsa dancing with my friends, I sometimes teach dance classes (folk dance) and I'm about to start teaching salsa lessons with a colleague. These things make me happy because I LOVE dancing - and now I am able to do it! - and I smile a lot the last few years. When I see my colleague in the school where I work, I automatically start smiling, just because I'm excited about the upcoming salsa lessons, and so is she.

I guess you could say that it has to do with being proud of yourself and having goals that you find interesting, or even exciting.

Like you, I don't have MANY friends, but the few I have (3, and one very close friend in particular) are REAL friends. I can tell them anything and I know that they will never betray me. They know the same about me. Here again, this is something I'm proud of, that I am very sincere and that I don't play games with people. And the fact that I'm proud of that is one of the things that gave me self esteem.

As you state, you don't have to look too much for friends, you will find them on your way when you are ready for it. As for the esteem, look at yourself, see what you are good at and be proud of it. If you have time for leisure, do the things you really like and you are good at, so you will enjoy them more. And you'll see, it will all get better after a while.

Keep up the faith! And remember, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you, it's not bad that you don't want to smile right now. You'll find your way.

:-)

Answer 7

My god, its as if youre my clone (except im a guy).

Im a teenager in high school, and everyone is well, you know, your stereotypical teen:  worried about everything, full of drama, always concerned about social status and their blackberries with text and whatnot....

Well, I am not.  I manage to look above this, and I dont care about these things.  They seem so small and the people who think of them seem shallow.  I also don't care about whose going out with who, cause most people my age are looking for, drama and s*x, not love, and its just a vicious cycle that I will escape from when I move away to college. I dont feel like a teen, more like an adult, but I feel like if I allow myself to just drift by in HS I will miss out on the most memorable era of most peoples lives.   I think this is in part because my parents are VERY controlling, they keep their money to themselves so I get none of these simple material items everyone my age wants, and they dont do much for me that they dont have to, which is why I think I feel so much more mature than everyone else. I am also very calm and dramaless which I learned to be after an excess of it in my life and Im not always energetic enough to smile or laugh when they do stuff that is funny.  I am not b*itchy, but very loose and free.  I restrain noone and I let them act themselves, but they seem to want to control my reaction to everything.  And just like you, I dont feel very inclined to smile/laugh at everything they do.  I think its funny, but I just dont feel that expressing my humor to others is necessary if its truly funny.

I am also very detached.  Things that happen to me personally, even physical pain do not bother me that much, and people often think of me as being cold when they cant understand my lack of emotion.  I also have low self-esteem and Im a tad shy around those I dont know that well.  

Personally, I suggest you just act naturally (even though I myself have not completely mastered this yet in every situation).  If you dont, you will eventually become so exhausted that you will crack and start acting who you naturally are anyways.  Also, assert yourself as a reserved person, do not give in or acknowledge the fact they think youre b*tchy.  Continue to act reserved and calm, and they will eventually realize you are not really b*tchy.  

Answer 8

Yeah, it's bad to encourage more frowns and wrinkles. Smiles and laughter brighten up cloudy and dreary days and can transform  any moody or negative atmosphere.

You are likely to be a logical and smart person with a proper upbringing. But life doesnt have to be rigid and serious all the time. It should consist of hard work and play. One should have a balance of high IQ as well as EQ, and a fair mix of good academic as well as general knowledge. So let go of yourself a little, indulge in a couple of oudoor activities and enjoy life a little more. These make one happier and more wholesome and you will never get a chance to fall into depression. But do  involve your family, relatives and close friends.

The important thing is to realize that people come in all types of personalities, intelligence levels, etc. and accept what weaknesses, bad habits or other negative traits some may have.

Be tolerant sometimes to engage in simple, even mundane talk--weather, shopping,fashion, bf things--and be humble. Having a wide knowledge of things and keeping an objective mind will stand you in good stead, later on in life, when you may be called upon to mediate relationships or other problems.



Wish you success at studies as well as other essential areas in life! With more positive and lively attitude you should weather the storms of life very well...

Cheers!  :-)))

Answer 9

It is not philosophical, but psychological.. That how you repress shyness, It is not an inspiration, rather defense mechanism and attempt to be accepted...Some kind of a search of relief from oppressive parents. In actuality you feel being oppressed just because you, yourself repress your own shyness.Stop blame parents or something which you think does not let you live.  It does not work. It just a replacement of a oppression of your own into another territory you try to develop in exile. It takes time to discover that. Usually prodigal son or daughter coming back to parents deadly exhausted fully forgiving them, and , of course, being forgiven.That was documented on Biblical pages