Is it bad to address someone older than you as "Ate"?

Question

I have a classmate in my history class, she's way older than me, she actually have children and she's a second courser. I'm the class president so I had to lead the class to a review for midterm exams, I ask a question then she raised her hand so I called her to answer, i said, "Yes ate cecille", then she answered, "My name is cecille", i again said, "yes, ate cecille" she then said, "No! And pangalan ko ay cecille!" in an irritated tone. I was like? So? I know who you are and i'm just using "Ate" as a sign of respect since you're older than us, but i didn't have the chance to tell her that coz we're in a classroom.

I think she felt bad after my classmates chose me to become the class president which she was obviously expecting for herself. She's acting like a high schooler, which i don't know how to deal with coz she's almost 40 i guess. Me and my classmates are only in our early 20's. Even if i don't want to mind her, i have to because she keeps on bothering me whenever the teacher ask me to do something. She keeps on questioning what i'm doing. How should i deal with her?

Answer 1

Calling someone ate who is learning at the same time as people in there 20's probably makes her feel a little shy about being there anyway.Ha ha i guess even more so being referred to as Ate as it makes her sound much older than the rest. I would say she would just be wanting to keep a low profile in the class. Another thing would be make sure people includedd her in everything and chat to her. she probably left out because of her age and i am sure that would get to her. The other good thing is if she questioning you all the time it going to make you look even better if you can answer what she asking and i am sure the teacher will pick up on it.

In reply

Just continue on dont go out of your way to treat her anymore special than anyone else in the class. It sounds more like she envy's you so unfortunatly it maybe hard for her to get over it. Show your ability to be better than her and not let it effect you. You never know she may have a child around your age and use to bossing them around. so she may feel because she older she should have the control just like at home

Answer 2

You were just being polite. Dont worry about it. She has some issues.  

Answer 3

Saying "Ate" is defintely a sign of respect there is no doubt on that. But she just took it the wrong way or put another meaning to it. She took it in a negative way pertaining to her age. But I commend you for trying your best to reach out to her. Here's the thing she wants what you have right now, and like you said she expected to be the class president, and t turned out that class voted for you. Well I think she is insecure on you. Not that you have to make that a big deal but I think you just ignore her negative feedbacks and concentrate more on what you are doing. If she does ask you on what you are doing tell her what you are doing, dont react in a negative way because that is what she wants you to do and in a way let others see that you are so defensive. So be nice, try to be. If you do react negatively to her, then she will have the pleasure she is eager to have. If you dont she will surely stop bothering. Thats what I think you need to handle the situation

Mykee :)

Answer 4

It's not rude it's polite.

Answer 5

Calling someone "ate" is not wrong at all... Well I don't like to be called Kuya, or even "po", but that is the culture here and I have learned not to listen to it anymore and ignore the "kuya" or "po", whereas NOT ignoring the core of the conversation. Anywayz, YOU are "president" therefor she "should" respect you as a class leader, even if she doesn't respect you as a person. If ever she questions your ways, just ignore her and do whatever YOU think is right.

For your story with the "degree"... I don't believe she even has one, since she acts like a "toddler". My "advice" would be just to ignore her and write her of as a non-social, non- participating member of the class.

Answer 6

nothing wrong calling anyone "ate" but in your classmate's case shes sensitive to it coz she's older than anyone. maybe she feels theres no need to rub it on her face. you have tried being friendly. its up to her to be friendly too. if not dont worry about it.

Answer 7

Saying Ate is a respect to older people so i don't think she should get angry... unless if she really is that old 40 nd the rest r 20 then mayb its bcuz then it might seem like shes out of place when u say ate cuz ur calling her old in her mind...

Answer 8

Just think that maybe she has some age issues..lol

Really, calling a person 'ate' is a sign of respect. A gratitude bestowed to women whom we admire, why would she act that way? As I've said, she could be having issues with her age and she just can't accept that you're younger, prettier and smarter than her.

Btw, I love being called ate, even by people older than me. It's our 'lambingan' in the barkada actually... we call each other kuya or ate.

Answer 9

That's a simple little way of respect to elders. Talk to her and settle things down.

Answer 10

why is she acting like a child? haha thats too funny

Answer 11

you are doing nothing wrong in calling her ATE, she is 40 and obviously in denial of her age. She should have expected to be called ATE in any case, since she among the company of 20 year olds and back in school for the second time. She should be thankful you didn't call her TITA.

As class prexy, get used to getting detractors, its part of class politics. I'm sure your classmates can see if she goes overboard and makes a fool of herself, its not your fault. If she's gets too annoying, talk to her in private about her beef with you. If she still puts up that attitude then ignore her, you have better things to do than to please someone menopausal.

Answer 12

i'll leave you with a valuable piece of wisdom from alfred the butler, "there are people who just wanna see the world burn.." [hope i got that right]. Life is inherently beautiful, but there are people who are simply pain in the _____.  

Answer 13

To me, the  "ate/kuya"  address  is so  over used/misused/abused in the Philippines. This   Ate/kuya-thing should only be  addressed to relatives and friends but not to people whom you just meet. If you think the person is older than you, ask permission first as what they want to be called.

You cant really fault  her for being annoyed for many reasons. Calling a woman "ate"  is the same as telling her she is old, that she is just an ordinary person and nothing impressive about her. She probably have thought that you assumed too much. How do you know she is older than you.  Her children and her second course is not an indication that she is older  for she might have gotten married at a very early age; or she might have thought that you  look so much older than her; or she  might be a  manager or some big shot somewhere.  Besides, it's in the classroom setting, wherein  students  are supposed to be  addressed formally such as  Mr./Miss/Mrs. Leave the ate/kuya  at home

There's no big deal really. If she doesn't want to be called ate, then call her name or Mrs (__).  There's nothing wrong with that.

Answer 14

As a guy who started learning tagalog i prefer to use po for male and female who are older than me...

and i use Pare! for guys like my age or close..

however i have a filipino friend who is 33 years old i really noticed that he doesn't use po or ate he only use bro to me and pare to the older ppl...hindi ko alam talaga ^_^

Answer 15

not really, stay focus and execute your power as being the class president. Your parents and your classmates are proud of you so, congratulations. Good luck!

Answer 16

I am irritated when someone calls me "Ate" especially from someone who is not close to me. I just thought it's like making "pa-cute" or to make herself feel younger. I never called "Ate" anyone unless it's an older  family member and when it's a must (when I worked at Jollibee calling your co-workers ate and kuya is a must whether she or he is older or not, sign of brotherhood).

When I feel irritated I will not say or show that I am irritated though. I will just say "Don't "Ate" me, actually I think we're of the same age". then I will just smile. Sometimes people who is like a year or two younger than me calls me "Ate". I was like? Hello? That's overrated!

My younger brother don't even call me "Ate". My cousins doesn't have to call me Ate because their moms/dads are older than my mom.

I would rather want to be adressed as Ms. _______ or Mrs. ___________ or plain first name, it doesn't sound disrespectful for me.

Oh, about she keeps on bothering you..I think everything can be fix with communication. Try to do the first move of talkig to her. You caled her "Ate" for the reason of respect, right? So it's not bad to do something good like keeping the peace in your classroom especially when you're the Class president.

Goodluck.

Answer 17

treat her like she wants to be treated. If shes being an as$ to you then treat her the same way. You tried to treat her with respect and it didnt work so i guess she didnt want respect from you or any kind of friendship. You tried your best and in returned she didnt care. You didnt deserve to be treated in a bad way. You were nice to her and she didnt like it. So, treat her the way she treats you and if she says something bad then tell her " Hey I tried to be nice to you but you didnt like it I guess you wanted to play highschool games so Im giving you what you want",

Oh.. next time dont say hi or talk to her anymore. You just going to get more confused. So, just leave her alone and do your thing. Obviously she doesnt want to act her age so treat her like a child. She doesnt deserve the best from you. There are people out there that no matter how nice you are or how nice you treat them they just dont get it, everything you do nice or not it will mean bad to them. The only way to treat those kind of people is ignore them. Goodluck!