Is it better to have a criminal father or no father??

Question

My kids are 4 and 2. Their father beat me and was removed from the home 2 years ago. He sells drugs, is in and out of jail - tries to bully me (mentally) into doing what he wants - drop assult charges, not get divorced etc. He just indulges the kids with toys, presents, big fun, no disapline, just let them do whatever they want. he has no home, no (real) job. He actually was 'fighting' for custody out of spite because I filed for divorce before he said I could.

I've been with my (soon to be) new husband for about a year. He is great with kids, disaplines them in a loving way. He plays with them (bio father NEVER played) cuddles with them - He's still learning but doing really well - I have no real complaints.

I am torn whether I should let my X see kids at all - as it is now he has lost visitation - but it's not final. I want to do whats best for the kids - Is it better that he is not around or will that hurt kids more - 4 yr old asks about him.... not sure if 2 yr old cares at all

Answer 1

my children ,s farther was in and out of prison .. was a drunk and take drugs .. on 1/1/01 there farther died of alcoholic poisoning  . my children miss there dad even now  its there dad no matter haw much of a c**p dad they are the kids feel the pain ever day ...... so better to have a dad than none at all... my children were ////4boy,,9,girl,,12boy,,,,14boy,,,16,gi...

Answer 2

That is a very tough situation.  If I were you I would seek some professional advise on how to handle the situation, b/c of course, you want to do the right thing.

However, if I were I would probably allow SUPERVISED visits in an area that is controlled and where you are comfortable (and have possibly a friend or family member who is close by).  The reason I say this is because your 4 yr old is asking about him, and yeah, chances are they wonder about their father if he is not around.  Then again.....I could be completly wrong here....."sigh".

Good Luck :)

Answer 3

Do you want your children to grow up and think that is how you treat women and that is what you do for a living?  I don't think you want that for your children.  Your children will understand one day and know that you did the best for them.  If there is a strong male role model in thier life right now, focus on him and how he treats your children.  I would rather have a stepfather who is good than a biological father who is bad.

Answer 4

This is something i found out the other day i am in a similar position to you and im divorcing my husband my solicitor told me as parents we dint have a right to see our kids but they have a right to see there parents don't ask me to explain as he talked to much,

my 6 year old wants to see her dad i don't want her to the 15 year old does not want to see her dad so that is fine.

If your kids want to see there dad that is there choice always allow it even if its supervised,i am in tha position and my husband tried to kill me before Christmas last year.

this way you wont have to tell your kids anything its there choice,well the 4 year old yes the two year old is a bit young,i hate the idea of my kids seeing there drunk abusive father,but as my solicitor said all kids have a right to see there parents we don't have a right our selves to see our children

Answer 5

my boyfriend beat me and 5 weeks after Samantha was born he threatend to beat her and my two year old son

Answer 6

Without

Father does n"t care so much about himself with a criminal satuation

Father will just lead to ....!

Children

How about the chaildhood , with him?

Visitor "police"

Ur chaildren"ll earn .......

thanks

Answer 7

If he's bringing the kids around drugs and other criminal behavior then you shouldn't let him see the kids.  It is not better for them to see their biological father, they have a father figure in their lives with your soon-to-be husband.  You have the duty to protect them from harm- he defines harm to the 10th degree.  Don't let them see him.  He's had his rights taken away from him, make sure it stays that way.

Answer 8

What A Bi**h (The Dad Not You Sweetums)

I Would Not let My Kids Se Him Untill I Know For Shure That M***** Fu****

Is Not Abusing

Tell The Kids That Their Dad Has Gone Away Or SomeThing

What *** That Man!!!

(I Hate People That Are Like That!)

Answer 9

I think the question and the way you ask it suggests that you already think that it would not be safe for them at this young age. I am fortunate that my eldest children's father was not involved when I met their mum. I adopted them after we got married. We now have a 3rd child and no difference between them, except when the youngest hears an off the cuff comment and learns of something which was not hidden but was in the past when she was young. We have never hidden from the oldest 2 about their father but, now 19 and 17, they have shown no interest in meeting him, apart from the 17 yr old briefly 2 years ago.

You sound like a very considerate person to even be prepared to doubt your own concerns. But could you take the risk of being wrong with your generosity? As you point out, the children have to come first. Perhaps if their father changes his priorities, or the get older and want to know more, you can reconsider. But, for now, I would suggest playing safe.

Good luck

Answer 10

It really depends on the father and how close the crimes or the results thereof come into contact with his family .

Provided that the children are safe then yes .

Answer 11

If there is someone in their life who is a positive father figure, they will miss the biological one less. Ask yourself what kind of people you want your children to become. Then ask yourself what kind of example their father is setting for them. They learn how to behave from watching the adults in their lives. If he does drugs, beats his partners, intimidates others, that is what he will teach his children to do. If he continues on the path that he is on, I feel sure that he will eventually abuse those children. Believe me, it would be better for them to never see that loser again.

Answer 12

Tough situation, I feel for you. I would only let him around your kids when you know he has cleaned up and ready to be a responsible loving father and not try to buy their love. Tell him that you want him in your children's lives, but until he is ready to be a real father (house and job included) you can't have him being around the kids. If he loves them, he wouldn't want to be a bad influence in their lives. But to be honest he sounds like a real a*****e.