Is it better to start early or wait until you're sure....?

Question

when finding parents for your baby..

if you wait 'til you have the baby can they go back and pay the medical bills?

Sorry, last question. Can you do it without anyone knowing it. Like in another city?

Answer 1

Pookie,

If you are the person looking for adoptive parents, I would highly recommend that you find out what your state guidelines are regarding adoption.  The reason that I suggest this is that there are laws depending on your state about finding adoptive/bio parents and what kinds of money can change hands.

It has been highly recommended by others that you do wait until after the baby is born to fully decide if you want to create an adoption plan for your child.  You can typically choose adoptive parents at any time during your pregnancy, but there is a lot of concern about pre-birth matching because it puts you in a position where you feel that you cannot change your mind if you decide you want to parent once the child is born.  Ultimately, the decision is yours and what you are most comfortable with.

You also asked if the adoptive family can go back and pay the medical bills. I am not sure how this works but I believe the medical bill issue comes into play more with private adoptions rather than agency adoptions.  If you are concerned with not having medical insurance, you can apply for medical assistance through your state so that you and the prenatal care are covered.

As for doing it without anyone knowing.  If you mean family & friends, I'm sure that there are options available to you, although I don't know 100% what they are.  However, there does need to be some type of outside involvement with an adoption because the adoptive family needs to be approved and have home studies done to insure that the child will not be in danger.  In order to protect the child, you must make sure that every thing is legal and above board.  

Please seek counseling of some type to insure that you are mentally prepared for the decision you are about to make.  A reputable counselor will be able to put you in contact with the appropriate people who can answer some of your questions on adoption.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I think it's also important to find out if someone does pay your medical expenses and you decide to keep your child, if you owe the money back.  That may put you in a tricky position should you decide to parent.

I agree with others who say that your state should be able to provide you with assistance on your medical bills, that way you will not end up feeling like you owe anybody and can make your decision of your own free will.

Please do think long and hard about this very difficult decision and know that you really won't know for sure what you want until you see and hold your child.

And please be very wary of anyone trying to get you to give up your baby in secret or asking them to email you privately.   There are predators on Y!A.

Answer 3

Pookie,

I personally think that matching with an adoptive couple pre-birth exploits pregnant women who are considering adoption.  If you decide to parent after you have your baby, they will try to lay a big guilt trip on you.

I suggest that you participate in an adoption forum to get advice from mothers who have given their children up for adoption so you can get advice from them about the aftermath of adoption for "birth" mothers.  One that I know about has a couple of mothers who did have their children secretly.

http://forums.adoption.com/birthparents/

http://soulofadoption.com/forum/index.ph...

Answer 4

(((HUGS)))

Yes, I think they will go back and pay the medical bills if you wait.  

Thanks for considering the loving, unselfish choice of adoption! You are a hero!

If you need someone to talk to, here is a pregnancy hotline to call:  1-800-592-4725

(((HUGS)))

Answer 5

pookie,

i would strongly advice you against seeking payment from a potential adoptive parent for your medical expenses.  especially if you are unsure about adoption.  my suggestion would be to use your parents' insurance, find low-cost prenatal care in your area or apply for medicaid.  

at this point, i would work on getting medical insurance and begin prenatal care.  it is very important to you start care NOW and not wait until you find potenital aparents.  also, from your question, i think you would benefit from speaking to a counselor (not an adoption counselor) regarding the direction you should take.  especially if you are attempting to conceal your pregnancy plans.

lastly, if you are unsure about keeping this baby, i do NOT suggest you meet adoptive parents this early in the process..

ps.  be leery of anyone who purports to know exactly how to "help you place your baby without others knowing..."

Answer 6

If you start early that you can talk to social workers that can help you make sure this is what you want to do.  It varys from state to state as to whether adoption expenses can be covered.  I do not that the Gladney Center in Texas has a dorm complex for pregnant women interested in adoption.  I believe they also make sure that you have prenatal medical care for you and the baby.  There are probably other agencies that offer that but that is the one I have seen that offers that currently.  Also, Adopt Help in California and most other pivate agencies will make sure you have a place to live and medical care.  My husband and I just started our home study and hope to adopt in 2008.  We are in KY and in this state the birthmothers expenses can be covered.  Adoption.com is a very good neutral website that offers unbiased suggestions.  I wish you the best!

Answer 7

I think it is better to start early so you are more familiar with your options, and narrow down the search.  But beware of agencies, attorneys or adoptive parents who want to match you early.  That is not a good sign.  They should be encouraging you to wait until you are much further along and more sure about your decision.

No, they cannot go back and pay for your medicals or any other expense from the past...it has to be a current expense or future one.  That is to keep to expense issue ethical.

Yes, you can place a baby for adoption in another state, city without friends and family knowing, if that is your choice.  But you cannot place a baby without the birthfather knowing, if you know who he is.  And it is never a good idea to falsify or withhold information about the birthfather -- not ethical, not fair to the child, or adoptive parents, and very, very risky.

If you need referrals to good agencies, email me and I will help.  Good luck.