Is it common for Asperger's to get suspended?

Question

The more I read on these boards, the more I get afraid for my son. Is it common for Asperger's to get suspended? How do I protect my son when another student bullies and my son defends himself? I just know one of these days he's going to run into one of those situations. He's come real close to lashing back at a kid that tripped him then punched him in the stomach. My son couldn't point him out because there were a lot of kids around when it happened. It's not the first time he's been bullied he was just never acted on them with anger. He's really a nice kid who cares about other kids and will stick up for them if he's sees them being bullied. It's just nobody sticks up for him...not even the teachers. I've been told it's something he has to deal with because of his condition. I am more afraid of him getting hurt real bad from getting beat up than I am of him getting suspended. Anybody else going through this? What can I do? What can my son do? What does the school do?

Answer 1

I have aspergers and I wasn't diagnosed until last year.  Looking back, now that I understand the disorder better, I have to wonder if all the times that I thought I was being picked on was really a true bullying situation.  I know for a fact that some were, but since young boys tend to play physically, I can't say for sure any more.

Your statement that a kid tripped him and then punched him in the stomach needs clarification.  How  can someone punch you in the stomach and you not see who did it?

It sounds like you really need to talk to his teachers to find out just what is going on.  If your son is violent, then he can be suspended. It doesn't matter if he has AS or a bug up his @ss.  Schools tend to have a zero tolerance for violence these days.

Answer 2

I don't know if it is common or not but if your son reacts in a negative and unacceptable manner, then shouldn't he face the consequences?  Most children with Asperger's are higher functioning and understand the difference between right and wrong.  We shouldn't be using the diagnosis of Asperger's to excuse inappropriate responses to others actions.

Bullying is not right and it should be dealt with, however, we tell mainstream children not to react physically so why should we expect less from identified children?  

Your school should have some bullying policy and should take a proactive stance on bullying.  There is no way to protect your son from bullying because it is a common occurance for most children.  You need to teach your son the proper way to deal with bullying i.e. telling an adult, walking away, ignoring etc.

Answer 3

There is some restriction in IDEA about suspension and expulsion of students with special needs.  I don't know the specifics anymore but it's worth looking into.  

Talk to the teachers of your child.   They may be able to keep a better eye out for the situation.  Does your child have any close friends?  Because sometimes they can pair kids up to be peer buddies to prevent harm to special needs students.  It's usually done in ways that other students wont' realize what's going on.  

Talk to your child about ways to prevent harm to himself and work on his identifying who did things to him.  He may know who it is but be afraid of getting hurt or in trouble.

Answer 4

I can say from first hand experience, I know what you are going through. I have a 9 year old son who is in the 4th grade and he has Asperger's Syndrome. However, I think the difference is that my son has not really encountered any problems with ignorance and other children being bullying him. We have been truely blessed in that area. Most kids are very sweet and encouraging to my son. I do know that many children shy away from authority when they feel they won't be protected, especially children with special needs. You have a right by federal and state law to have your child protected just like everyone else's children. If you feel that your son is not being protected in the manner in which he deserves by his school teacher's, principle or whoever, you can go to the school board and demand answers. If that doesn't work, you can go over their heads to the Dept. of Education and speak to someone there. They normally have someone who works specifically with the Special Needs Department that can help you. I know how frustrating it can be trying to make sure your child gets the education he/she deserves without the extra hassle of having other children bully them. You can also let the school know that if it doesn't stop you plan to press charges against the student who is bullying your son. It may sound harsh, but sometimes harsh is necessary to protect your children especially when they can't protect themselves. You might also look into self-defense classes. My son takes Tae Kwon Do classes twice a week, he is very good at it, and it has relly helped him in several areas of his Asperger's ( self discipline, self control, being able to focus more, self-esteem, confidence). He hasn't had to use it thus far, but if necessary he can. Karate classes are designed to build self-esteem and it has been used in several cases for autistic children. I hope this helps. Don't fret and panic. You are not alone and there are several resources out there that can help you. You can also look on the web for pro-bono lawyers for special needs children/adults who may be able to give you legal advice. If worse comes to worse, he may just have to fight and protect himself to let other kids know that he is not a push over. I encourage my son not to pick a fight, but always defend yourself. We will deal with the suspension later if it comes to that. Remember, there are lots of options and information out there and your son will be okay!

Answer 5

My nephew has broad spectrum autism and he is a quiet spoken boy.He has not been bullied or teased.He has been identified and has been in the mainstream since J.K. Even though he has been identified with a learning problem he is expected to meet a minimum standard of behaviour both at home and at school.Children who are not given any acountabilty for their behaviour will never learn right from wrong.I think this applies to all people,even if we have to modify the level of expectation. Have you thought of putting your son in team sports or maybe groups like scouts  to help him socialize with other kids outside of school.Maybe bowling would be a good activity.Bullying should not be tolerated and it must be especially difficult when your child is percieved as different. It is almost impossible for the school to protect your son from every situation.Does he require an E.A. during school time? When you say the teachers won't help your son, who exactly is giving you the information? Unfortunately some parents are going to think your son is also a problem if he is allowed to lash out in anger and recieve no consequence.In the real world he will be held accountable for his ations.This is not to say the bullies are in the right to hurt  him.I'm just saying your son wil have to be taught by you how to deal with these situations.The school should address  the bullying.In defence of the bus driver (s)he  has enough to concentrate on by watching the road.children who misbehave on the buses in my area can lose bus priveleges and the parents must bring their children to school.One written warning is usually enough.Have a meeting with the school teacher and principal and see if they can offer any input on this  and any solutions.

Answer 6

Are you in the Us or UK?

Have you considered sending your son to a Special Needs School. Here in the UK they are free just like mainstream schools. The teachers there understand the problems surrounding Asperger 's and are able to create strategies to help him cope. They will not readily exclude him, unless he completely over reacts, instead they will work with him to help him to over come his problems. There is no less bullying than in usual schools but the classes are much much smaller - around 8 per class with many more assistants. Generally we accept children of any age -Jr EBSD / MLD schools for younger ones and secondary for 11 - 16 yr olds.

Areas of difficulty should be highlighted on your son's Statement of Educational Needs (SEN) and the school should be working towards IEP / IBP targets with your son, as well as using anti bullying strategies. However, please understand that schools need to have a level of consistency towards violence, particularly where other people are hurt (other parents want to feel satisfied that the problem is dealt with, just as you would if your son was hurt). All children, regardless of their emotional / social / behavioural difficulties need to be prepared for the real world. In the real world the law makes no acceptions for Asperger's or any other Autistic or behavioural traits, there is no point in protecting them from this fact and they need to understand that rules are rules.

Though, in this case it would seem that the school needs to rethink it's strategies, or you need to rethink the school!!

Answer 7

My first question is you son on an IEP?  All IEP's have behavior plans that will clearly spell out the consequences for varying infractions and what can and can not be done.  There are laws governing the suspension or expulsion of children on IEP's...it is not totally illegal to do so, but it is not as easy to do as it is with none IEP students.  However, physical violence towards other students often will be one reason a student can be suspended.  Your son needs to tell you and you need to report to the school each incident of bullying.  Get as complete a description as possible of the incident and the students.  If your son knew any of the kids in the group by name, be sure to include it. Most schools have a zero tolerance policy for bullying, but can only act if they know about it. If the school is notified and things do not improve, you can call the school board as well.

  You also need to work out a safe adult in the school for your son to go to if he feels threatened or is to the point he wants to lash out.  Generally a counselor or the school therapist is a good choice.   Speak with them and your son to develop a plan.  He should be able to go to them, without punishment, at any time.  This should be someone he knows and is comfortable with.  This person should immediately notify the administration of what has occured and it should be dealt with then and there.

Many kids with Aspergers do get into fights for the exact reason you are writing about.  If your son does not know any other teens with Aspergers, I would look for either a therapist who does social skills groups (someone who works with kids with developmental issues is a good place to start) or contanct any local chapters of the national autism awareness groups to see if they have social activities for teens or know of any.  It is important he realize he is not alone in this.  Many Aspergian teens feel very isolated and think they are the only ones.  Having them spend time with other kids with similar issues can be a huge help...both emotionally and mentally.

Sprite...Yes, kids on the spectrum are taught not to lash out or hit in anger or fear.  However, children with autism and aspergers often have impulse control problems and, because of sensory issues tend to get overloaded even quicker when they are scared or stressed.  I can almost garuntee that if her son strikes back, it would not be from anger but from fear.  However, punishing kids on the spectrum by sending them home for a few days often has longer reaching effects than it may with other kids.   It also interferes with access to therapies and, in many cases, will disrupt the child to the extent that it can take weeks to get them back to where they were when the incident occured.  This is why there are laws addressing suspension of children on IEP's...to be sure they have access to the services needed and to be sure that the punishment itself does not lead to more serious, long lasting issues that would impact the child's ability to learn and work in a school enviroment.

Answer 8

I also wondered if there is an IEP and behavior plan in place? If so, I would call for a team meeting.You shouldn't have to deal with this alone.The team should be aware of what going on,and put their minds together to come up with solution. What concerns me in your story is the lack of help from the teachers.Kids are kids but the teachers should be more supportive.What age are the kids? Has anyone (teacher or Behavior Specialist) ever talked to the kids about autism and how they can help a child on the spectrum? Maybe they are lashing out at what they don't understand.There has always been and will always be kids in school that bully others to make themselves feel better but in general I think kids are good and want to help others but need direction in how to do it.Having a BS observe on a regular basis was written into my son's IEP. Also,

something to consider when talking to the team about the suspension issue is, it may have the opposite effect intended, and reinforce behaviors rather then eliminate them.

Answer 9

You said "I've been told it's something he has to deal with because of his condition."

This is the schools way just pushing him through the system.  Don't rely on the the school to protect him.  Granted, there is probably a bullying policy, but this wouldn't be happening to your son if it was in effect.

IMHO - private martial arts classes.  I say private, because a group class may intimidate him or the bullying may continue from other students (what happened w/ my kid).  Check it out, they really aren't that expensive at all.  It will boost his self confidence and help him feel in control.

Answer 10

I'm going to get to what I think is the heart of the matter.  Your son is being bullied and the adults in his school aren't putting a stop to it.  You will need to become much more assertive with his teachers and others.

Start by scheduling meetings with each of these people--the bus driver, teachers, principals, etc.  Explain to them that your son has a disability and that he is being picked on, and that as far as you can tell, nobody is protecting your son and helping him, but that you expect that to change immediately, with sanctions being brought against children who assault or bully your son in any way.  Ask them what cooperation you can expect from them in the future (in other words, what steps will they take to protect your son and punish people who hurt him).  Take written notes.  

After the meetings, send letters to each of these people, summarizing what was discussed and reminding them that you expect things to improve for your son.  

When you're at these meetings, one of your questions should be, "Why don't any of you want to stick up for my son when he's being bullied or beaten?"  If there are concrete reasons given, those things should be followed up on.  

You should also write letters to the superintendent of schools in your district, explaining what you've tried to do, and ask for his/her help making certain that measures are taken to end all bullying and assault in your school.  You might send similar letters to the members of your school board also.  You might consider attending a school board meeting and speaking to them about bullying.  

At home, keep a notebook where you record incidents--dates and approximate times and descriptions of the events.  If you ever get a name of somebody who assaults your son, and nobody at the school does anything about it, call the police.  

You're going to have to start making a stink, I'm afraid.  The problem seems to be more with the school staff than anything else.  You might consider removing your son from school if this continues, and having him home-schooled.  Does the school have a psychologist or counselor?  You should speak to them too.  

Finally, start researching the subject of bullying online.  Sure, your son has AS, but the more important topic here is bullying at school, and the fact nobody's doing anything about it.

Answer 11

It sounds as though your son is not receiving enough support from his ESE teacher. It is very common for Asperger's kids to have social problems, therefore, his difficulty with other children is a manifestation of his disability and he shouldn't be subject to suspension because he obviously isn't receiving enough support.

I would get on the case of the ESE teacher and find out what he or she plans to do to help your son. There are many ways to deal with this situation. He may need to be supervised in the hall's and in the cafeteria.

Call for a new IEP and tell them that you want supervision in these areas on the "Accommodations" page. If you do not get satisfaction, call the special ed director.

Schools do have a zero tolerance policy for fighting and bringing guns or weapons to school. It would behoove you to get on this right away.