Is it considered "normal" for a 2-?

Question

My 2-1/2 & 3 year old (4 this month) hit, and punch each other. They will come up and hit each other for the smallest things. They will get in each others face and yell at each other. I want to know is this considered normal behavior? Now as a precursor and please don't let this be your reason to say no...this is not normal. My husband has been physically/emotionally/verbally abusive. He has stopped and has been getting help (abuse free since February 2008). So the abuse happened in front of my 2-1/2 year old for 2 years, and my almost 4 year old for 3-1/2 years. I have done a lot of research and tend to believe that this behavior is a result of what my children have witnessed. My husband says this is normal behavior and whilst he does not condone it...it's normal. Please be honest and don't just say it's because they witnessed it. I understand it could be also be a combination of things. Please give your best answer based on your experience. Any tips are welcome. Tks!

Answer 1

I think its a mixture of the two...siblings do fight and have arguements often resulting in fights....however to actually punch ieach other and to do it a lot of the time is a behaviour issue.

Children tend to imitate what the see as the norm in their world-since seeing abuse in the home is 'normal' for them for a lot of their life they may nto see anything wrong with it. The good thing is that now that the abuse is not happening they are seeing a new role model instead.

Tips:

-Sit down with the children at a quiet time such as in bed or late night snuggled on sofa and as a couple talk to them...say that hitting and shouting are no longer allowed in the house. It doesnt have to be an indepth conversation and should be as positive as possible...eg: instead of shouting you come and tell mummy, or if you are good then you will get more time to play etc.

-Go to toddler groups, stay and plays etc--the children can then see other children, other families etc and will have other rolemodels and peer groups to copy from and establish new 'norms'.

-If in England speak to you preschool staff if you are friendly wit them...see if they can put you in touch with CHidlren's Centre or a CAF assessment where you can be shown different help groups...children may need to speak to someone to deal with any trauma and pent up emotions they may carry from the past.

-Be strong and consistent-as a team both of you come up with consquences for behaviour--eg: If they hit then they have to sit on sofa next to mum with no toys and tv off for 3 minutes. You dont speak to them or give them attention during this time-have a book that you can pretend to read to yourself so they arenth aving your attention. You job is basically to keep them on the sofa silently. If they shout then the toy or whatever caused it goes away for a while etc....the chidlren will soon learn that negative things happen if they fight.

-Praise-give LOADS of praise for good behaviour

-Family fun-try going out as a family and have a laugh-somewhere silly like a play park or soft play land...or on field with a ball. If they are busy and distracted they wont even think to fight!

IF the behaviour gets worse then maybe you can speak to the 'help' group your husband attends.

Answer 2

I think it is normal but not correct behavior. I don't have the answers, but you definitely need to get your 4 year olds temper under better control before he starts kindergarten next year.

Answer 3

My kids (2 and 3) do this as well. While I think the things the have witnessed are horrid, I think they are normal to a degree.

Answer 4

While it is normal for kids to fight and squabble with their siblings, witnessing violence of any kind will lead them to imitate it.

Remember, children learn to deal with conflict through their conflicts with their siblings. While it may be normal, it is not appopriate. If they are arguing, let them sort it out, but violence of any kind should not be tolerated in your home. If they are hitting, it is time for the naughty bench.

I also think it would be beneficial for your children and you to undergo some counselling, not just your husband.

Answer 5

no -but they have seen the behavior modeled at home or on TV.  get rid of the TV and remove the kids from the room when they begin fighting.  get them outside for free play often.

Answer 6

It is 'normal' to a degree. They are still finding it difficult to express themselves therefore hitting is their way of showing how they are upset or do not like what is going on. It did not help that they witnessed this behavior but that is not the only reason they are doing. When one of them hits the other put that child in time out & when they come out of time out explain to them how hitting is not nice. Hopefully they will eventually get the idea its wrong.

My son is almost 2 and he hit something out of anger & he has never seen any kind of violence.

Answer 7

Unfortunately your children have been exposed to a lot of violence at such an early age.  Children are very impressionable and it is not uncommon for them to develop either an aggressive personality or develop unhealthy relationships where they are abused themselves.  You will need to have them work with a therapist to try to get them to realize this is not normal and that it is also unacceptable behavior, and you need to do that now while they are still young.  It is good that your husband is now working on his problem, but now you and your children need therapy.  No, it is NOT normal behavior for your children to be so mean to each other, punching and yelling and getting in each other's faces.  Anger is a normal emotion, but your children need to know the right ways to work through their anger.  If you don't address these issues you will have some problem children/teenagers on your hands.

Answer 8

i think its normal...do u watch supernanny? if u dont, its on on wednesdays i thnk. it might be on a different time where u live. i think its on channel 12, but i oculd be wrong. if u do, try some of those techniques.  if they dont work, send in a video to supernanny, or that new show nanny 911. i dont remember wat channel nanny 911 is, either tlc or abcfm. if u want, u could even meet with a child counselor or pediatrician. they might have some advice. i hope this helps!

Answer 9

kids do this stuff, you all need to show by example how to work through a disagreement.... but you need to know that your husband needs to set an example too.  The VERY next time he threatens you verbally or physically.... you need to leave. no excuses.... or it will be your fault (not just his) they dont know how to control emotions..

you dont want your daughter thinking that its ok for a man to treat a woman this way.

Answer 10

me and my three sisters were always fighting. but, not all the time like you state for the smallest reasons. i would start making them apologize to one another(hugs and kisses) or they get their fav toys taken away. make them sit in a corner too. obviously, spanking isnt an option here. best wishes to you all and congrats to daddy for being violent free!

Answer 11

I would say that is not normal.  It appears they have picked up on past behaviors happening in the home.  It is amazing how much children can and will absorb.  My suggestion is when they do this put them in time out and discuss with them why they should not to this and other ways to solve the issue or problem.  As they get older and start understanding put them in time out and let them explain what they did wrong or make them write about the issue.  Some people have a problem with talking about the issue but can find relieve when they write about the situation.  Good Luck!

Answer 12

I have a 2 year old and a 3year old about to be 4.  They take toys away from each other push and hit each other all the time.  I always have to explain why we don't do that and its getting better but it sounds normal.  Even when I only had my 1st child I remember picking her up or laying in bed and her just hitting me in the face.  I think it has to do with cause and effect they are learning.  Just make sure you calmly explain when they don't do it and take away whatever they may be fighting over.  Be sure to do this calmly as it seems they have been witness to more than they should.

I agree next time things get out of hand get the kids and go shopping or to the park or something.  Get them out of the atmosphere.  Some of this may have to do with your situation but some of it is normal.  Spend time with them on this.