Is it considered rude or in bad taste to not show guests your home?

Question

what i mean is say you have friends over and its not their first visit to your home to not show them the restroom and to not tell them to have a seat

i feel its proper to remind them and to tell them its there for their use. make them feel safe and at home and to offer a drink when they arrive. but i am told by my mother i was wrong that they should be told to ask to use the restroom and wait to be told to sit before they do

who is right me or my mother.

Answer 1

I think you're right, it's being "welcoming" to your guests. It always makes things less awkward when you make them feel at home, and you would want them to do the same for you right?

Answer 2

Your mother is a tad bit old fashioned I think.  To expect a person to have to announce that he has to pee by asking to use the bathroom is rude.  Someone should just be able to stand up and say excuse me to go.  Is your mother a control freak?

Answer 3

If they come over for a chat for a few minutes to an hour, there is no need. If they want to use the toilet, then show them where  it is. If they come to stay for a few day, show them the house.  

Answer 4

If you say once they arrive "Make yourself at home." then they do not need permission to sit or use the restroom. However, if it is in formal settings (i.e. not with close friends) then yes, your mother is right.

If you are sitting for dinner the host(ess) should ask them to have a seat and then serve everyone before him/herself (anti-clockwise) and then take a seat.

EDIT: Vic91106 has got it.

Answer 5

Ive read your question twice and I still cannot tell your position on this.  I do agree with your mother, that casual friends should ask "May I use the restroom" and should wait to be told to sit if they have arrived unannounced.  

I had a stranger come into my home in a tiny flurry of uninvited guests storming the place on the 4th of July.  One woman said to me " Do you live here?  Can I have a tour of the house?"   I said "Absolutely not!" and walked away.   Since when is a homeowner obliged to "show people the house" ?  

Answer 6

Your mum is too uptight. It's better to have people feel welcome when they come to your house than feel like they are at a strict catholic boarding school.

Answer 7

It really depends on how well you know your guests.

Answer 8

You are!!!

It is right to make a guest feel welcome. Lots will stand etc. as courtesy to you until you show them the way. But invite them to sit, offer them tea coffee.  don't need to point out the restroom though. If they need it they will ask.

Answer 9

you are because its nice to be a good host

Answer 10

Personally, I think it's most courteous to leave folks at ease.  That includes not creating situations where they don't know what to do and may feel awkward asking.

I generally offer people a drink when they come to visit.  Most of my friends aren't bashful about asking where the restroom is so I don't have to worry about that.

I tend to trot out the general purpose invitation to be casual "Please, make yourself at home."

Answer 11

It's okay to let them find the restroom on their on own once they know where it is. It is proper to offer them a drink when they arrive. You should always offer them a seat even if you put it in terms like "Make yourself at home". Remember to let them sit before you  so that they are most comfortable. Remember they're the guest, and their comfort come before yours within reason.  

Answer 12

Strictly speaking, your mother is correct.

It is strictly proper to wait to be invited to do so before having a seat.

Most host/esses will simply add this invitation to their greeting:

"Hi! Lovely to see you! Come in and sit down!"

This avoids the whole issue.

A casual acquaintance should ask to use the restroom, however a frequent visitor or close friend need not. Once asked, it is not necessary to ask again during that visit, regardless of the level of familiarity.

When considering this, remember that the final judge of what is proper behavior in your house is YOU.

You are the hostess, and whether or not you hold your guests to the "letter of the law" is strictly up to you.

"My house, my rules." as the saying goes