Is it dangerous to be a traditionalist Female?

Question

Wouldn't the chances of abuse increase in a traditional relationship, compared to a feminist relationship?

Physical? emotional?

Answer 1

Why should a relationship be defined upon the political stance of two people as opposed to their mutual attraction and respect for each other?

Answer 2

Chance of abuse in any relationship is the same, traditionalist or not. It depends on whether there is love or not.

I know a fair bit of traditionalist women treated like queens by their husbands in return for how they treat their husbands. And I know self-proclaimed 'strong, independent, modern' women who ended up in DV shelters.

It depends on the kind of person you're with, not the kind of person you are. You (directed at nobody in particular) are feminist, and that could mean either you want both you and your husband to run the house equally, or you're a bossy nag who keeps interrupting her husband and wouldn't think twice about taking him to the cleaners in a divorce court if there was something to gain.

That's why I tell my cousin sister to keep mum about feminism in dates, as men relate feminists to the cranky teenage militant bleating about how all men are rapists on the news last night, and would think twice before living with a person. I find very often that feminist relationships are the ones with no trust (It's the woman not trusting the husband more often than not) and end quite quickly (and not often pretty to watch).

Short answer: No, the chances of abuse increase only if there's no love and trust in the relationship. The type of relationship does not matter.

EDIT: Rose, you seem to think self-proclaimed titles have nothing to do with this. They do, because we know you're feminist only because you said so. And 'feminist' today can mean anything from a woman wanting true equality that goes both ways, to a bossy, domineering nag who won't think twice before taking her husband to the cleaners in a divorce court if there was something to be gained from it. Yes, feminism is that wide.

And that's why men usually stay away from self-proclaimed feminists. Such women are best avoided, because you never know what type they are. Women that want respect as women and feminists instead of ordinary humans are women to stay away from.

Colonel Reb is right. An abusive man doesn't care if you're feminist or not, he'll hit you anyway.

Answer 3

Feminists are probably much less likely to suffer abuse from a man since they have a much lower chance of being in a long term relationship with one, compared to non-feminist women.

Answer 4

I would guess that yes-not because traditional men would necessarily be more violent-but because traditional women have been taught to be and are expected to be submissive and are pressured to do whatever it takes to make a marriage work-so suffering physical and/or emotional abuse would be just one more thing they would have to submit to and endure for the sake of the marriage.

It also depends on your resources. Rural women are isolated and are more vulnerable-so would traditional women be as they are surrounded by a community and church that supports women sacrificing themselves for the sake of their families-who would believe them or help them get away from an abusive partner?

Answer 5

You just opened a can of worms!

I am surprised how many younger women have no idea what feminists have done for them....

What is wrong with partnership in marriages? I was a military spouse for many,many years, gave up my career because his was more important, did volunteer work, can close/set up a household in no time at all. He retired, started a second career and I found myself a "JOB!" We divorced, he had 2 careers, I had a JOB.

Don't think it won't happen to a traditionalist female, rather more often. He advances in his career and leaves you behind.

I wouldn't say it is dangerous - but stupid. Women, stand up and be counted. In this country everybody is supposed to be equal.

A few of the guys who answered are confusing feminists with lesbians, now there is an education gap.....

Answer 6

Nope. My husband is super nice to me. He only spanks me in "bed" ;)

Answer 7

Maybe. I don't know if it's an accurate assumption. It may be a bit of a generalization. True many women in "traditional" relationships find themselves in unhealthy/bad relationships. But I'm sure there are many that are happy and safe in a "traditional" style relationship too. I'm pretty sure a feminist is less likely to take cr*p from an abusive partner.

Answer 8

A man who wants to beat his wife isn't going to worry about the status of everyone in the relationship very much.  He's going to do it anyway.

Answer 9

It doesn't follow that traditional females are more susceptible to abuse; that depends on her partner and their relationship.  

I'm wondering about certain very right-wing websites alluded to in some questions tonight, preaching to an audience that  includes very young and very gullible women who have chosen to be obedient to their church and their husbands.  I believe individuals are mentally, psychologically and emotionally healthier if they question everything in their lives, consider the answers, and formulate their value systems from that.

Blind obedience to anything (except traffic laws) is just troublesome.

Answer 10

No, it is more likely that the feminist would be in more danger. In any light especially relationships. What happens if a feminist is with a guy who she thinks supports her and he does until he gets sick of her constant bickering which traditional women don't do and he goes nuts on her. Actually if you do research you will find that it is the feminist women who have been battered in the past.

Answer 11

That's a thinker. I need more time...

Answer 12

you are being dishonest with this question imo, i have been in traditional relationships with traditional roles but there was no one person "in charge", just two people working together and enjoying the luxury of home cooked meals, crisp sheets and relaxed down time in a clean house in the evenings.

i have also lived with both components working and this arrangement was stressful and we never seemed to be on top of the homemaking, we could relax but only if we ignored certain things that needed to be done.

in my experience, feminists are more likely to create emotionally damaging relationships because of their preoccupation with dominance and control.

Answer 13

It might be dangerous if you lived in a society in which women were compelled by law to obey their husbands whether they liked it or not, and in which the law upheld a man's right to be in charge regardless of how he treated her.  In Afghanistan, for instance, if a woman leaves a man who is abusing her, she gets sent to prison.

However, in a modern society in which no woman is compelled to stay with a man who is making her unhappy, any such relationship is wholly voluntary.  and a man who has any common sense will realise that he is in charge only so long as his wife accepts his authority, and if he becomes a domestic tyrant then she is not likely to accept it for long.  You opt for this kind of marriage with a man who you can trust not to abuse his authority.  if he does abuse it, then you don't go on with it.

Moreover, if you are consciously engaged in an 'unequal' realtionship, it is likely to make both of you more aware of each other and your needs.  a man who is conscious of having authority is lilkely to be more sensitive towards his wife and her feelings.  It gives him a greater sense of responsibility.

If you have lived in an 'equal' relationship but have, consciously or unconsciouly, craved an 'unequal' one, it is likely to lead to a reduction in tension and an improvement in communication if you get what you desire.  if it doesn't improve your relationship, then it probably isn't for you.

Moreover, there is no lack of emotional or physical abuse (so I infer from reading the Marriage and Divorce section on here anyway) in 'equal' relationships.  I don't think a 'traditional' relationship is any more likely to be abusive than an 'equal' one.

I think there is sometimes  confusion between a 'traditional' relationship in the sense of having the man in charge, and a 'traditional' relationship in the sense of the man going out to work and the woman staying at home.  The two things do not always go together by any means.  There are a lot of women on the Taken In Hand site for instance who are high-powered career women, not 'traditional' in the sense of being stay-at-home wives at all.  And there are plenty of stay-at-home wives who are not at all 'traditional' in the sense of having their husbands in charge.

Answer 14

i think so.

1. what if your husband dies? you're left without the support you obviously rely on, emotionally and financially.

2. many "traditional" men think that women are below them. who thinks that is OK?

3. traditional women will likely be stifled. these women will only live for their husbands and families and will forget they they are a person too. you are not a good mother/wife if you forget yourself.

4. i think many will grow old and realize that they have a lot of regret/