Is it easier (emotionally) to abort or give a baby up for adoption?

Question

If both are tremendously hard to do, then what is the cost of keeping the baby?

Answer 1

I know lots of people who are EXTREMELY emotionalloy damaged from aborting.

Adoptoin- at least you know you've done the right thing by the baby by finding it loving parents who can take good care of it, given the greatest gift imaigineable to a childless couple, and it gives the teenage girl a second chance to finish school, etc..

Not that there's anything wrong with keeping it.

EDIT: Heather H.. no one is equating miscarriage with abortion.. one is a woman's choice to murder the child.. the other is a sad thing that happens (the same as a baby dying of Sids)..

Answer 2

I am pro-choice, but thankfully I've never been in your situation.  It must be terribly painful to decide what is best.  If you have to ask, then you probably don't want to know what the financial cost is of keeping a child to raise to adulthood.  Recent statistics put it at about $250,000 not including college.  If you are asking about the cost of keeping the baby emotionally, only you can answer that.  It sounds as if you don't believe you want to keep the baby.  People who don't want their children and keep them anyway do a tremendous amount of damage to the child's psyche.  And in reading this site's information many people feel issues with being adopted and just as many don't have a problem with being adopted.  But to give you a straight answer to your question, I know I would never give up a child for adoption, but I think I would have had an abortion if the circumstance had presented itself.  Good luck with your decision.

Answer 3

I AGREE WITH ''BARKYVON''

Answer 4

This is an incredibly subjective question.

Neither is easy.

Answer 5

i think that adopting out a baby would be very hard. i cant speak from experience but i know what its like to hold a baby for the first time after 9 months of being inside you, its defiinitly a special moment, and i think it would be really hard for women to give thier child up for adoption once they finally have thier baby in thier arms.  so i do think abortion can be an option for some women, who want to ensure they dont make it to the stage where they are too emotionally attached to give the child away.

when i first got pregnant, i was unsure on what i wanted to do, but as soon as i was showing, it all changed, i knew i wanted to keep my son.

so i guess i didnt really answer your question - i think it would be easier to have an abortion....but i dont speak from experience.

Answer 6

both of them are hard decisions. I depends on the moral beliefs of the person. one may say that aboring a baby concieved as a result of rape isn't right but pulling the the plug on a baby in vegtative state is right. some may say adoption is wrong but will leave grandparents and other family members raising their kids. so its up to the individual

Answer 7

Honey, it all depends on the person.

Some women can have an abortion and think little of it. The baby seemed (maybe) surreal because the belly didn't grow.

Adoption can be difficult because you've carried that baby for 9 months, gone through the delivery process, and perhaps have even SEEN the baby. But it can also be uplifting knowing you helped a childless couple and you KNEW you did not have the capability or perhaps the desire to care for a child at this point in your life.

The cost of keeping a child can vary. Is the child healthy? Will you breast feed? Bottle feed? And these are just question in infancy. As the child grows his/her needs become more. Children are very expensive monetarily and emotionally.

Answer 8

This is a hard question. If you abort the baby you have to live with knowing you toOK away your child's chance at life but if you give the baby up for adoption you will constantly wonder if they baby is ok if he or she is being taken care of and if he or she is in a good healthy home.  There is no certain cost for keeping the baby that depends on a number of things IE what brand of diapers you use, formula or breastfed, name brand clothes or hand me downs but keeping the baby is the only way to ensure that you know you yourself is taking care of the child and you wont have to wonder if someone is hurting them or if they are being treated right. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

the option is that the child can be adopted to loving couple that will give the child a good life.....as oppossed to um hmmm.....being killed.

The emotions of an abortion stay with the woman forever.

I know women that have had them and they CAN NOT get over it!! Even 20-years later...

Answer 10

I believe that abortion would probably be easier so to speak emotionally. Though both would be extremly difficult but wondering about your child for the rest of your life how they are doing, if they are safe etc would drive me crazy.

I am pro life but I do think adoption would hurt more emotionally HOWEVER if I had to choose betweeen the two I would ultimatly choose adoption because I could never kill something apart of me thats growing inside of me even, if it haunted me the rest of my life.

Adoption is selfless

Abortion is selfish

Answer 11

I've done all three, adoption, abortion and parenting.

Parenting is the only one that made me happy to any degree.

Abortion would be the next best choice.

Adoption effing sucks and comes in dead last.

I would never suggest adoption, EVER!

Answer 12

I was adopted and can tell you that my biological mother has a really hard time with the fact that I do not wish to have a relationship with her.  She found me three years ago and always begs me to meet her in person and bogs me down with emails and it drives me away.

I have had had an abortion and, for me, was the right choice.  I was way too young and if I hadn't have done it back then, I wouldn't have the amzing little girl I have now because I never would have met her dad.

Answer 13

Easier?  There is bias in your question.

Neither is easy, and both decisions are very personal and specific to each woman.

Answer 14

1-877-472-1122

Answer 15

I would say both are very hard to do, you will feel guilty either way. With adoption, at least you are giving the child a chance to be something, whereas with an abortion you give it no chance whatsoever. I would feel better if I was in no position to take care of a child at all then I would definitely carry full term and put it up for adoption. Only if I was homeless and had no family, friends, or no women's shelters though. Of course no one can really afford children at first, but if you find yourself in that situation-You make it work! People today seem so lazy in child raising it is sad. That baby was not the dumba** that had unprotected s*x. That baby did not choose to be created and did not ask for mom or dad to be too young to know how to put a condom on in order to prevent an unwanted pregnancy! That child was created for a reason. People may feel like their world is ending, but don't end that child's life because of your dumba** not being able to go get condoms, free if you get checked for STD's! Good point though. If people at least tried to raise the child, they would realize that they made the right choice in keeping the baby. I know that in some cases an abortion is necessary for medical reasons, but most cases the baby is an inconvenience to the parents and they don't know how to be responsible adults, other than having s*x, and raise a child!

Answer 16

This is a tough question. I never had kids myself but if I was going to, I don't know what I would have to pick if I was in a tough situation.

I think that adoption is somewhat better, because it seems like good hearted people want kids. They are ready for the responsibility and willing to accept this child as if it was their own. And it's a good thing for a women who cannot get pregnant on her own, and has no other choice but to adopt.

Abortion to me is like murder. I wouldn't be able to take on life knowing that in the past, I have killed ..what was going to be MY child. It's too harsh for my own personal opinion.

Overall, I think that Adoption would be the best bet emotionally, in my opinion.

Answer 17

I am a mature woman and I have:

1. had an abortion

2. lost a child through adoption

3. have a child

I had the abortion under the advisement of 3 different doctors. I didn't want to have it, I cried about it for a few weeks and then it subsided. I thought about it periodically especially the first year. I would see a child and think, "that's how old my baby would be." It was a dissappointment. It hurt. I was told I could never have children. It waned with time. I have no regrets and don't think about it anymore. Abortion is legal.  It's not a "baby", it's a fetus and cannot sustain life on it's own. It's a personal decision. Mine was medical. It doesn't matter what the reason, it is an option and I support anyone who chooses it.

After being raped, I chose not to have an abortion because I was going through a "religous" stage (which is different from spiritual). I was told about the risks. I went through many different stages of one day I thought about abortion, the next day I wanted to keep it, then I looked into adoption (I hadn't planned on having a child and didn't know how to explain about the "daddy"). It was a horrific experience all the way around. After the "open" adoption was CLOSED, I had nightmares EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR YEARS, until the birth of my next child. I still cry. I live in shame. Anyone who THINKS this is a good alternative, when a mother in reality wants to keep her child, DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE. You cannot speak for me, or all the other first moms. The first moms who can say they are "happy" and ladeeda.... are missing a chip. Those are the ones that SHOULD NEVER HAVE CHILDREN, or they could be making up their story because they are active in the adoption industry and they are hoping to sway some girl / woman into believing that it's going to be a lovely experience. It's h**l from beginning to .... there's no end.

Thank God I have my child now. Most first moms never have a child after they've lost their child to adoption because it MESSES YOU UP. For those who think it's such a GREAT gift.... step up to the plate. Try it yourself. Put your money where your mouth is. Get pregnant. Give your baby to someone. Walk away. Don't look back. Then come back and tell me ALL about it. I'd just like one woman who sings the praises of "birthmoms"....YUK... do it. If you believe it so strongly, you should WANT to do it.

If you have ever cried when you lost a pet, or something sentimental, how could anyone possibly say that the loss of a child that they carried for 9 months and gave birth to, doesn't bother them, is a red flag that something is not right with this picture. Be wary of everything they say. Really, think about it. Scarey.

Answer 18

adoption, let the child continue life

Answer 19

Adoption, of course!

Answer 20

I would rather have an abortion because you just get it over with.  However, to give a child up for adoption would be hard for me because you get attached to your newborn in your stomach and you go through the whole 9 mth's and then delivery and then the baby is taken away.  My child is not a puppy from the puppy pond.. I am not saying that abortion is a good thing to do it's just my opinion..

Answer 21

well, from stories, and workshop, speakers, and just overall knowledge, children are a gift to the world whether you have the baby planned or not. if you abort then potentionally when you are "ready" to have a child you/partner will have alot emotions and it will be quite upsetting because theroetically this is your second child. It is quite hard on the mother of the child.

Giving up the baby for adoption is very different, the mother acctually gets to give birth and if the couple is not finanical stable at the time then its best for them and the baby. The baby would have a home and then perhaps a loving family. However, im not positive, but once you put up the child for adoption i think you can "adopt" your child, if you decide you would like that.

The cost of keeping a child is alot fo work. It takes responsiability, patience, time, love, and care. Babies need love and care al lthe ywant to do is be smiled at and cry. You need to go out of your way to change them, you will ahveto wake up at 4 AM for feedings, or if they just cry, but along with all of that in first year or two, they start getting older.

Babies are such bundles of joy<3

Answer 22

For the mother or the child

Nobody is in a position to judge unless they've done both

My body decided to spontaneously abort twins just this year.  They were at 4 months gestation - it was no fault of my own, from what people are saying here, it makes me a murderer?!

The pain of losing my babies does not even come close to the pain of losing my mother.  That's how it is for me.  Someone else may feel differently

ETA:   Thumbs down for having a miscarriage, fancy that!

Answer 23

all options would be tremendously emotionally stressful on a mother. there is no avoiding it. just when it deals with raising a child, despite the hard times and the stress, you have the satisfaction of having a beautiful child.

Answer 24

Both options are going to be hard emotionally! Although in giving the baby up for adoption you have given a gift to the child, allowing the child to live. In aborting the child you have denied the child life.

I think it comes down to being selfless, and allowing the child to live. When a person chooses to have s*x they also choose to possibly get pregnant. They choose, not the baby. the baby should not be punished by being denied life!  

Certainly giving a child up for adoption would be hard, but I think it is a decision that would be easier to live with than ending the child's life.  I would think that, that kind of decision would haunt you forever. And in fact many men and women report that it does.

Answer 25

It sounds like I'm going to go against the majority on this but 'emotionally' I would definitely have to say that the abortion would be less emotional.  Even tho- I'm sure there are those experiences on both sides of the spectrum that are deemed 'worse' than the other.

It's not to take away from anybody's experience who had an abortion but I think where a woman may be destraught they ultmately made the decision not to carry on for whatever reason. Unless they were completely forced to by family or loved ones I think ultimately they made the best choice to them at the time, regardless if they later regret it.

As far as the adoption - I think that can be very emotional for everybody involved.  Imagine carrying a child full term, delivering the baby to then turn around & hand them off to somebody, whether it was the next day or a year or so down the road.  I realize some bio-mothers are either really torn about it, could care less or were at peace with it.   I think because the child is still living you may in the back of your mind wonder how that child is doing unlike the abortion option where you know exactly what happened.

Answer 26

Your question can only be answered by women who have experienced both.  In my position facing adoption or an abortion, I chose adoption.  I would never, and I do mean never, choose abortion.  That in no way makes choosing adoption "easy", it was the ONLY option, to me.

Heather H, you're not getting thumbs down for having a miscarriage.  Get a grip.  You know freakin' well people are talking about intentional abortions.

Answer 27

I never had an abortion, but sometimes I think it might have easier, but I didn't and I never would have.

I gave her away, during the counseling they said 'you aren't giving away your baby' 'you are relinquishing'. What's the difference she was gone. I regret what I did, but at the time it seemed best. It was very hard on me through the years emotionally, my esteem was pretty low, it was hard to live a lie. So I can only say that  no matter how you lose your baby, it's hard.

And note to :heather spontaneous abortion is not murder and i can't believe anyone here would be so cruel as to say it is.

Answer 28

I haven't done either one.

I am a mother and an adoptee.

I would NEVER give my child up to be raised by strangers, and wish it wouldn't have to happen to anyone's child.

But adoption is not an alternative to abortionn.  It is an alternative to choosing to parent your child.

That said, I would have an abortion before I'd subject my child to being raised in another family, without ANY knowledge of where he came from or how he landed on planted Earth.  That's emotional child abuse.

I would much rather have an abortion.

Answer 29

for me personally, i know that i would never be able to give a child up for adoption, that is because i know that i would have fallen into too deep of a love, not to be a mother to that child. i would have went thru 9 whole months of feeling that baby grow, move and be a part of me. and then the anticipation of finally giving birth. just to meet the child to look into his or her eyes, and know that thru me and my love & care i just made a whole new life enter the world... i could never strip myself of that love. Maybe selfish, but i could NEVER do that, especially after having my son.

As for abortion i have had one, and given the necessary situation i could very well have one again. Im NOT AT ALL saying that abortion is the answer, but for me personally it is the option (of the two choices that you gave) that i could handle. It is of course tremendously difficult knowing that what was inside of me would have grown into the love that i was talking about in my previous paragraph. But at that paticular moment in time, it isnt that degree of love.

For me (in MY EYES) abortion is less emotionally havocking than adoption.