Is it easier to adopt first or have a biological child first?

Question

My husband and I want to do international adoption and also have a biological child. We think it might be easier financially and parenting-wise to do the adoption first. However, we have been told that having a child is so expensive that if we do adopt first we may not be able to afford to have a second child (the biological one). We don't make a lot, but we have no debt but the house and plan on paying for the adoption fees in cash. Your thoughts?

Answer 1

It won't matter emotionally - since both will be yours and loved.  Sounds like you have the money part planned out, so that won't matter.  In my opinion - adopt first.

It may be easier to adopt first only because if you do international you will have to travel back and forth to that country.  It will be a lot easier and you can enjoy your travels more if you don't have a baby or toddler in tow... just a thought.

Answer 2

Biological child?  I know what you mean, but do you have to make it sound so robotic?

(Have a child of our own, or together)

Biological first, international adoption second.  You don't know how much you can love something, until you have a child of your own.

Answer 3

Have your own child, I known people who have adopted and after the children are grown not a good thing. my daughter is 26 yrs old and if I would have not had her I would have NEVER adopted a child. My mother inlaw had a aunt whom adopted a boy when he was an infant and after these folks got in their old age and the husband died the boy had the woman in a financial mess because she was affraid to say know to him and then when she died nothing to bury her with. that is a shame.  Not saying everyone is that way but in my experiences no way.

Answer 4

Personally, I would do the adoption after you have a biological child. Not to be offensive, but it's easiest to love your own child first. You need to learn the ups and downs of parenting first before adopting a child and learning these things are easier with your own child. Also, it may be easier to have the adopted child to have someone to look up to. Because they will most likely need that kind of support growing up from and older brother or sister.

Answer 5

Either way you are going to have to learn and deal with what the child puts you through, Its your kid forever. I adopted first and I loved it... I think my biological children would have disliked it if some child they didn't know came in and took there mommy. Also you learn to love that child just as you would your own without feeling as though one should be treated as he/she is adopted.

Answer 6

Have your own first.

Answer 7

You'll make it work either way.  Both our babies were "oops" babies, and you just do what you have to do to make it work.  Even if you have to go without the finer things.

Answer 8

You should have a child yourself first. if anything, you will learn to be a good parent, to your own child. See how it works out, financially, etc. Then you can decide if you still want to adopt. Your own will always be more special.

Answer 9

My husband and I just had our own, and have all the information because we plan on adopting one as well. But we had our own first. We did this intentionally, the experience is so surreal. I think it's true that it's easier to love your own, so have your own first then adopt. If you adopt first then have your own I think it's more difficult to love them equally. Because it would come so much easier with your own, I think it would just be more difficult. But already experiencing that love, it would be easier to have it again you know? Maybe I'm not making sence, but I hope I am making some sence!

My husband worries about not being able to love an adopted child as much as our own, and I think this is a normal reaction. He also didn't think he could love our child as much as he did when she was born.

Anyway, good luck to you,

<<HUGS>> Toni Lynne

Answer 10

A couple of considerations:  fertility and the needs of an adopted child.  It may be easier to get pregnant while younger, especially if there are financial constraints which may make it necessary for there to be a significant amount of time in-between.  Secondly, adopted children have attachment needs and perhaps other medical, psychological, and emotional needs that biological children don't.  I think a more experienced parent may be better able to meet those needs.  On the other hand, a first time parent can devote all their attention to their child, so that could benefit an adopted child.  

In the end, though, it really is your own preference.  You, I'm sure, have your own considerations that will play into your ultimate decision, so no one can really tell you what is best for your family.

Answer 11

We have an older biological son (teenager) then adopted two school age children overseas.  Honestly, I am glad that I had some experience as a parent before the adoption.  Of course, every child is different and you have to parent to each child according to his/her specific needs.  But I wasn't dealing with first time parent jitters along with the challenges of adopting two children from a different culture.

That said, I'm friends with many people whose first experience as parents were with their adopted children and they're doing fine.  

Good luck!

Answer 12

Have your children in the order that makes the most sense for you!  Don't listen to people who tell you that you might not be able to afford a second child.  Look at your finances and figure it out on your own.  If you have no debt and have been able to save the cash for the adoption, it sounds like you are pretty good with your money and will know what you can handle.

Answer 13

It may be easier to adopt a child after you already have one b/c the agency will see that you can already take good care of a kid. other than that i dont really know which would be easier but good luck with which ever way you choose

Answer 14

if u and ur husband love eachother alot u should just have one   from u two.