Is it elitist to want to surround your children with people who'll set a good example?

Question

Like other children who'd say please and thank you, whose parents aren't obvious drunks or drug addicts and have a job. I'm conscious that great people can come from the humblest beginnings and viceversa but. Do we stand a little bit of a better chance if we surround our kids with examples of what we'd like them to become rather than what we would NOT like them to be?

Answer 1

Why would any one want their children around ppl who wouldn't set a good example.  Personally I purposely avoid ppl who are scum bags...I don't want my children picking up any bad habits.

Answer 2

Just make sure you don't start denying your kids friends simply because they are poor. You can make your kids in to mean people who don't view others as equal. If they are low class people then no, you don't expose your kid to that. If they are nice decent people who happen to be poor- then of course you let them be friends. Yes, putting them in private school is too far - now you are trying to make them only hang out with richer kids and that is elitist but whatever you want to do to your kids is your business.

Answer 3

I feel like for the most part we want to surround our children with good safe people. Now I also feel the reality is that will not always happen whether it be in school or activities that involve children you haven't "hand chosen" so then I am left with knowing that being around all walks of life....is life. I instill everyday the things that are important and to be the best person you can be and what I expect from them may be different than what other parents expect from their children and we do not focus on what is acceptable for other children to do because all that matters is what myself as a parent expects from my boys. Well I think I rambled enough! Take Care

Answer 4

I agree. That's why I don't associate with most of my family. They are ex-gangbangers...have drunken parties every other weekend with their kids there, and the mothers are just ghetto as h**l and don't discipline their kids...they don't believe in "spanking"...so I just keep my kids away from them....I am not perfect in anyway I just choose not to put my kids in that kind of environment...If I have a party its a respectable one and there may be drinking but never drunken people falling all over my house and acting like fools or ghetto people that want to get crazy and start fights and have a shoot out....

Answer 5

It shouldn't matter who your children are around as long as you are doing your job and talking to them my daughter is two and she is around alot of different people that I would consider bad influences but I don't doubt my parenting abilities so I don't worry.

Answer 6

It's very reasonable to try to surround your kids with people who will be a good influence on them.  That doesn't have to mean they only associate with children who come from a certain social background. It's values and character that count - and often if you observe the parents you get a good idea of what the kids will be like.  But I would hope you wouldn't let this goal narrow their world too much. As your kids get older, they should be exposed to some diversity, because that's what the real world is like. I don't mean they should associate with kids who drink or do drugs, only that they should be aware of different cultures, beliefs, and lifestyles.  If you choose to put them in private school, look for a school that teaches them about diversity and has a diverse student body.  Many of the private schools are, in fact, elitist.

Answer 7

To raise well-rounded children, they need to be exposed to and deal with all walks of life. shame on you for feeling that because a child has a less fortunate background they don't have something to contribute to your own childs live. Compassion, understanding, love and friendshp etc. I don't think it is elitist, i think it is plane ignorant. If you can give your child an excellant education, then go for it, but for the right reasons. they wont make great adults if they lack basic understanding and compassion.

Answer 8

no there is nothing wrong with that I'm the same way I don't want my daughter or any other children I may have around people that can influence them in a negative way. I think you are doing the right thing.  

Answer 9

Of course its not elitist.  You want your kid surrounded by people with morals, thats really good.  But remember that kids don't always follow their parents.  I knew a kid whose dad was a total drunk, but she was completely the opposite.  She was polite, nice, caring, smart.  On the other end, I know people who's parents are great role-model type of people, but their kids are druggies, rude, etc.  I think you should focus more on the friend than his/her parents, and if they have...unsavory...parents, don't let your kid go to their house.  

Also, I'm not sure what a great idea private school is.  If you live in a really bad neighborhood, I guess its a good idea.  Otherwise, private schools tend to have the worst kind of kids.  I don't want to sound like I'm generalizing here, but this is what my experience has shown me.  Private school kids tend to be rich and spoiled.  This makes them stuck up, and not friendly at all.  If your kids want to "fit in," they're going to have to act like that too, and when they grow up, they're going to have a really tough time finding sincere friends.  Also, private school kids, because they are so spoiled, find it easier to be "rebellious."  They do stupider things, and also, because they have the money, tend to actually do a lot more drugs and alcohol.  Again, I don't want to generalize, because I know plenty of private school kids who aren't like that at all, but I just want you to know that these problems are there in private schools, and sending your kids to one might be great, or it might have a completely opposite effect.  

One last thing.  Don't forget that friends are great, but you are where they really are going to learn from.  Sounds like you have great values, and will teach your kids the same, which is great.  Continue that, because if you teach your kids good values, thats what they will grow up with, and then they will stay away from the bad influence kids by themselves.

Answer 10

I just have to add that I went to a private school and trust me there is just as much c**p going on in those schools as there is in public schools. Bad manners would be putting some of it mildly LOL

Answer 11

It is not elitist not to want your kids to be around parents who are druggies, and kids who curse because their parents curse. there are plenty of simple people from lower class society who have morals too. and as long as your clear with your goals, that any child can be a playmate for your kids as long as they don't have foul language, and exposure to drunkies/druggies you're fine with your standards.

Putting your kids is not a gaurantee that they will not be exposed to foul language and drunkie/druggie parents. There are parents who are druggies/drunkies and foul languaged who put their kids in private school too.