Is it ethical to give advice to pregnant woman on Yahoo! ?

Question

I have felt that some "advice" on this site has crossed the line of late. When someone comes on this site who is obviously in the middle of a life crisie Ie unwanted pregnancy is it ethical to tell them what to do? I think there is a difference in telling someone "this is my story, this is my experience" or here is where you can find help. But I have seen some pretty agressive comments telling people "you must keep your baby" or "you must give this baby up." Isn't this wrong? Some of these people, by their writings, seem to be in extreme crisis. How can you give such "absolute" advice when you know nothing about the person's life, emotional state or history? I know this is a question/answer site but isn't their an ethical responsibility to not try and manipulate vulnerable people with our own particular perspectives/biases?

Answer 1

Ethical... I don't think that is an issue, as long as your answer is honest and you are honest about who you are.  

However, I agree with your sentiment and I often include in my answers a statement that THIS is not the best place to get advice on serious issues.  And, that they should consult with an expert and/or people close to them rather that rely on what they read here.

Answer 2

This is a place to get your questions answered..sometimes you don't get the answers that you would like to.

Answer 3

Oh, you know...you get what you pay for.  I agree that there are a lot of YOUNG people on here who can't discern good advice from value judgements, and it's unfortunate that this is where they are going to inform major life decisions, but this is a public forum on the internet and that opens the doors to loudmouths of all kinds.  And that was just the world's longest sentence.

Answer 4

my issue with any advice given on Y!A, is it sort of blurs that line between opinion and clinical counseling.

i do agree though, that many have strong personal views on adoption/abortion, et al,. yet i do think when giving "advice" we should really tread lightly, for what we are giving is an opinion or suggestion.  usually one based on our own experiences.

i have given my opinion of a few posters' situations and some have emailed me off-board.  i am very clear that; 1) i am not a mental health professional, 2) my life experience might not mirror theirs; and 3) it is important that they explore all options prior to making a decision.

now, when a person asks about pre-birth matching, money taking from paps, or feeling obligated to place, i will give my suggestion of the situation. a suggestion that is usually very much against the aformentioned practices.

once more, i think it's within reason to state that we are giving suggestions and opinions based on personal experience and some historical trends. yet, the final decision needs to be hers.

Answer 5

If a person asks what they should do, why would we not tell them what we think and what we would do if we were in their shoes. I counseled women in crisis pregnancies for over 10 years- and when they came to me, I had to give them their options and also the truth.  I may not know them, or their life, but I do know the truth about abortion and what it not only does to the baby- but to the woman- If they did not want advice they would not ask- know if someone says "I don't want to hear about how wrong adoption is or anything about adoption" then I will not answer the question,

Answer 6

if people come onto this site asking questions, why wouldn't you give your honest opinion (even if it's harsh or aggressive) to them? they don't have to take your opinion to heart but it's good to have some different views.

i take everything everyone says on here with a grain of salt. maybe someone went through the same thing as me and they've got some good solutions to my problem even if they were something i'd never think of myself.

Answer 7

Some people have to respect for others. That is just a part of life. Too many people get a kick out of giving bad advice or hurting people. Its wrong and they know its wrong but there is nothing you nor I can do about it. Most likely they are lonely pathetic souls or they are children doing it.

Answer 8

Nah, leave the unethical and coercive tactics to the agencies, that's how they get their $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Answer 9

I can only tell my story and how it affected me.

Answer 10

Nope.  That's why I don't.  No experience anyway.  You raise an excellent point.  Have a star.

Answer 11

I don't think that most people are going to feel that their opinion is unethical.... or they wouldn't have that opinion. People have strong conviction in what they believe (for or against adoption/abortion/or whatever). I think it is okay to stand behind what you feel. I think most everyone on here is legitimately trying to offer advise. Sure, there are some people who are only trying to hear themselves talk or fulfill some personal agenda, but I think most people just feel really strong one way or another and honestly think they can help.

Answer 12

if there is something on here that they don't agree with or don't want to here then all they have to do is discontinue reading it or hit the delete button. i think that you are trying to get to serious this is just for advice or conversation.

Answer 13

I certainly agree -- Unless I see that someone is being irresponsible toward a child such as "My sister goes out every night drinking and has four boyfriends who sleep over.  Should she consider letting me adopt her children?" or "I don't want another baby because I cannot even take care of myself."  Then I feel that the person is asking because they perhaps need permission to consider adoption.  We give women such a hard time by throwing motherhood on them, that then, when a woman who doesn't want to be a parent, is, then people make harsh judgments about her decisions.  Yes, we should be careful to temper our responses, you are so right.  

Unfortunately, some people look for a place in their lives where they can give (or in some cases, force) their opinions on any topic they choose, and no one will (or can) do anything about it!  I doubt people who are trying to be careful to allow someone to make an educated, empowered decision hang out here much.  Being able to tell people what to do is probably what attracts some people to boards like this.  Where else in life can they do that?

Thank you for your point of view!

Answer 14

In the real world, I think most single, pregnant women who are considering adoption (they've already eliminated abortion, obviously) are given the American answer--adoption is wonderful!

For some reason, this country has a Disneyized view of giving children up for adoption.  Do you think a pregnant girl would get  'ethical advice' in her 'counseling' at an adoption agency?

Yes, I have given 'pretty aggressive' advice when telling women to keep their babies.  But, as an adult adoptee, I have NOTHING to gain-- so I am emphatic! I believe adoption should be avoided as much as possible.  

I am a small voice in a sea of 'adoption is a win-win'.   I  have actually EXPERIENCED adoption as opposed to desiring to fill my own needs a la "Please e-mail me about your baby, there are a lot of deserving couples who could love your baby"  Blah, blah.

Ethical?  I think so.

Answer 15

I think that is a little weird too  but people feel very strongly one way or another and I guess they are entitled to their opinions.  It's pushy but not necessarily unethical.  What IS unethical is when people who work in the adoption industry give "advice" here on Y!A, tell people what a brave choice it is to place a child and then give them their email address in case they would like "help" or "advice" or referrals without identifying themselves as adoption workers.  Gee, I wonder which agency they will be referring these poor women too.

Yick.  It makes my stomach hurt.  Talk abut unethical.  THAT is unethical.

Answer 16

Well coming from the horses mouth here I found myself in an unplanned pregnancy about 4 months ago.  The father of my unborn baby and his family have tried many methods of coercion to get me to put my child up for adoption.  I had always felt a strong desire to raise and parent my child but I still needed to hear the other side of the storty.  I knew of no other forum than this one to ask people of their personal experiences with adoption, so I started typing and asking away.  Sure, some of the answers were cruel, some too one-sided and some were very informative.  Most of the people said to "keep and love my child and forget the b*****d!"  Lol.  A few others told me I was stupid, while others yet told me to just follow my heart...which is what I would have done anyway no matter how many ppl on Y!A disagreed with me.  I simply chose to use my questions and answers as an informative resource into the lives of others, rather than take their words for gold.  I believe no matter what as the asker we need to maintain this way of thinking--use it as a resource to gain insight into PERSONAL experience, rather than using it as a medical, psychological, scientifical resource etc.  

We will always sort of "weed out" the good answers from the bad based on our own judgement and personality.  Of course...this means one persons best answer is another persons thumbs down.

Answer 17

I agree 100% with your concern.  Maybe the term "advice" isn't the word I would have used to express that concern.  I think my concern isn't advice people give, it is the pressure they exert through their very strong opinions.  Advice doesn't cross the line into pressuring someone to do or not do something.  It is supposed to be providing that person with good information that opens up options to the them, perhaps they didn't know they had.

And you were very PC about the folks asking the questions.  lol.  Let's face it.  Some of these folks sound as dumb as rocks!  And I do know that most of that stems from the fact that they are young and inexperienced and frightened, etc.  So should anyone be "advising" this person to keep a real live baby!?!  Some of them can't spell baby.  Some of the pregnant teens are 13 and 14 years old.  I consider that a baby!

I always encourage those people to talk to their parents or other family members, their pastor, their school counselor, planned parenthood, mental health hot lines, teen hot lines, etc.  I always tell them they should be discussing this with someone who loves them and has their best interest at heart rather than a total stranger's personal opinion and agenda.  If they can't talk to someone who loves them, then talk to someone who is "trained" to give them all of their options in an unbiased and unjudgemental way.

So, I do worry about anyone who lives their lives based on "advice" given from total strangers on the internet.  Especially, those that don't understand or are unable to discern the difference between advice providing them with options and pressure to make them feel guilty and ashamed.  

You always ask good questions.  Thanks.

Answer 18

yes

Answer 19

Ethically, I think that people who come here to get opinions deserve to read the various aspects that those answering present.  This is particularly true if the person is young and their "world" is pretty much those few adults who may be giving one point of view.  Just as there are those who want to relinquish but feel they are pressured to parent, I've seen plenty of young people come on here saying they want to parent, but feel pressured to relinquish.  There's one that just posted a question of that type today, in fact.  That's pretty heartbreaking.  

I will always present that which comes from my own experience.  No one should wish to see families split up.  It's sad when it happens, so it shouldn't have to be the way.  Adoption is serious and permanent.  Sure, there are people who don't want to parent or who are incapable due to abusive ways.  But, if the issues are about age or money, and the parent(s) want to parent, then they should know about all of their options and various supports available.  I won't tell someone they absolutely have to do one thing or another.  I do want people to be aware of different points of view, so yes, I believe it's certainly ethical to answer the person honestly.  

I really don't believe anyone is going to just pick an answer off of Y!A and live by it, either.  They are looking for points of view to chew on.  Many of them pretty much already know what they want to do, they just need to hear about others' experiences.

Answer 20

The best you can do is to give the person a link where they can get advice in real life.  People who are politically motivated will always insert their cause and there is nothing you can do about it except give them a thumbs down.  Keep in mind that people with a cause don't actually care about other person's personal situation - they just want THEIR voice heard.   I'm always amazed how nasty other women can be especially when they are so hypocritical (go on about prolife and then do little to help the imperfect children already here).  They go on about adoption, yet in real life, treat birthmoms as trash, call them s***s or drug addicts (usually treated worse than a woman who has had an abortion).  They also ignore the moral implications of the adoption agencies, who have a history of lying and demeaning poor, white women. How ethical is that?

Answer 21

As for me, I always try to present all the options available to the person. It is a decision they will have to live with so they will need to make it. I just try to remind them of all their choices. Occasionally I will point out any glaring points in their post though. Like if they are on the fence about abortion I will note if they repeatedly call it "killing" "murder" or talk about regret.

Answer 22

While it sucks that they have to read some of the answers they would better off not hearing, thats what you get in a fourm like this.  Some people care more about expressing their opinions on the issues at hand, than the persons vulnerability at the time.  thats why you must express your feelings through the thumbs up or thumbs down, and hope if they get even thumbs down, the asker will see that it shouldnt be an answer to take to heart.  You cant expect an answers forum on the net to be unflawed.

Answer 23

No i dont think its right. Basically, because of all the people jumping in with the whole "dont give your baby up" ****. We dont know what that persons situation is, but at the same time, they should explain in more detail. Or even better........dont come on here for deep advice.

Answer 24

I asked a similar question a while back with regards to medical advice in general. Most people are not qualified to give this advice and we cannot always rely on people (especially young kids) to use common sense. In my opinion, Yahoo should at least display a warning about the dangers of acting on any medical advice provided online.

Answer 25

Unfortunately, Y!A is not governed by any kind of ethics committee.  Every question and answer must be taken with a grain of salt, period.  I'm not saying that what these people did or said was right or ok...but they are not experts, and they are here to share their (sometimes very strong) opinions.  Sometimes, these people don't know how to differentiate between opinion and fact.  If a young pregnant girl comes here for answers, this is the kind of response she can expect.  Again, not saying it's right, but there is nothing we can do.  They're not breaking any kind of code, no matter how much people disagree with what they say.

ETA: Who's code of ethics should we use to determine who says what?  Or which opinions should be allowed?  Yes, we are each responsible for considering what is ethical to say.  But each person is also responsible for coming up with his/her own definition of "ethical"...and some people just don't care if they're being ethical.  I don't get to edit out OldFashionedMom's answers because she thinks there's something wrong with her daughter for being a tomboy.  She honestly thinks that pressuring girls to do ONLY gender "appropriate" tasks IS ethical.  And she's free to push that opinion on as many people as she wants, as vigorously and as rudely as she wants.  Same with people giving advice that others feel is unethical to a pregnant woman.  The person giving the advice most likely believes it IS ethical, because they get to come up with their very own code of ethics.  Just like the rest of us.  Yeah, there are times when I wish I could do something about it...but I can't.

Answer 26

its not for you or us to decide if its ethical.  clearly, whoever posted the question(s) wants guidance and advice.  perhaps they cannot turn to friends and family for whatever reason, so they decide, in the safety of anonymity to tell us their problem and hopefully with serious responses they get something useful.  if you do not think something is ethical, then do not partake in it!