Is it ever appropriate to withhold s*x from your partner?

Question

I think it is cruel and neglectful, and just as damaging as withholding affection and compassion. Is there a circumstance in which you would withhold s*x from your partner?

Answer 1

yes- befor marriage

Answer 2

To withhold, NO.  That's manipulation.

To not want s*x, be sick, emotionally distraught, etc. is not withholding - thats normal.

Answer 3

Unappropriate to do not so much.  Uneffective, yes.  The only thing that it changes is that your man is bitter to you.

Answer 4

i do it all the time. mainly because i love torturing him.

Answer 5

if they're not in the mood and is having mental problems they shouldnt need s*x.

Answer 6

If they're an a-hole who has been abusive and/or unfaithful.

Answer 7

Nope...s*x is good. do it as much as possible.

Answer 8

You don't feel like having s*x. Not in the mood

Answer 9

I wouldn't do it if I had my period, or if I was busy, or if I was so out of the mood that I couldn't even think about s*x. That's about it.

Answer 10

No.

Answer 11

s*x is a sign of love if your not feeling loving toward your partner then of course withhold s*x.

Your a human being not a trash can to be used.

In other type of relationships the denial of s*x is just part of the game.

Answer 12

In the case of sickness??

If you're not willing or not in the mood, your partner has to be supporting of you EMOTIONALLY.

That is what a relationship is about.

I also like Lauray's answer. But in the case of waiting until marriage, both have to want it, obviously, or the relationship is going to suffer a lot.

Answer 13

I usually say no when I'm really tired, on my period, or grouchy. I think your partner will understand because sometimes he will feel the same way too. But make sure you let him know when it is appropriate so he has something to look forward to. Like not tonight I'm really tired but that will be the first thing on my list tomorrow morning.

Answer 14

I  do it all the time if my partner doesn't do what she's told. No matter how hysterical she gets that I'm cutting her off, she knows that i won't give in until she does all her chores and tasks around the house.

Just the other day she forgot to get me a beer so i told her that she couldn't "go down" you know were. She was sooo upset, but she knew that unless she walked to the store to pick up a 12 pack, she would have to go without. So she walked the 10 mile trip just so i would allow her to get what she wanted.

Answer 15

s*x should be a mutual desire. However, withholding s*x only as a manipulative tactic is immature.

Answer 16

s*x is about TWO people expression the affection and passion for one another. If you do not feel up to having s*x or if you feel its wrong then you shouldnt do it. DOnt have s*x for the sake of your partner then it will become a habbit and eventually s*x turns into an obligation and youll loose the passion you once felt. Hold off until you feel that feellike in the pit of your stomach and in your heart and you just want to through yourself at the other and scream you love them and express your desires and passion for the other that words couldnt begin to describe!

Answer 17

I see s*x as an expression of love, and sometimes I'm just not in a position to express it in that way.  If I'm sick, exhausted, or angry with my husband.  It isn't a question of punishment--punishment would be denying him something that is rightfully his.  NOBODY has the "right" to have s*x with me, not even my husband.  It is a gift that I choose to give him when I feel the need to.

Answer 18

not feeling "in the mood" is one thing, deliberately withholding s*x as a way of punishment is another, and while it's okay to have your off days, it's really not okay to use s*x as a "treat" to try and train your partner.

Answer 19

If you believe in no s*x before marriage. If you don't, then it is cruel.

Answer 20

It depends on what you mean by "withhold".  If you're doing it as a punishment, that's not so appropriate.  If they're in the mood and you aren't, it's perfectly appropriate to let them know.

Answer 21

I don't see my not wanting s*x as 'witholding', just the natural ebb and flow of human desire.  I doubt he would want to do it if I wasn't up for it, and I wouldn't really want to do it if he was only doing it to please me - s*x is more fun when you're both in the mood :-)

Answer 22

Sure - if you're sick, or there are other matters that take precedence, it is perfectly appropriate.  Other matters that would take precedence are the safety and well-being of one's children, the individual's responsibilities at work, the necessity to sit down and pay the monthly bills, the necessity for maintenance and upkeep on an important appliance such as the furnace, the necessity to clean the house before family comes for a visit...the list can go on and on.

And it's appropriate to withhold s*x from a self-centered, un-communicative and un-supportive partner until that partner cleans up his act and gets the message you're not just his little fu*k toy...

Answer 23

not if you're a good submissive wife

for the rest of us, yes > when we're ill or just don't feel like it

it's a bizarre question > don't most partners enjoy having s*x TOGETHER when they're BOTH up for it?

Answer 24

If I'm sick. If I can't enjoy then I really don't think he'd want to do it anyway, he'd just go and make me some soup and kiss it where it hurts....He's sweet like that.

Otherwise, I'm never not in the mood. :)

Answer 25

I think that it is cruel and neglectful....However it is happening to me right now and I am in a five year serious relationship.

We have always been very careful with our s*x lives by using condoms and birth control on and off....I don't like the way it makes me feel and I smoke so I'm concerned about blood clots.

Anyways my boyfriend has with held s*x from alot in our relationship.

The first time he with held he said he wasnt' ready and we together for 1 year granted we where 17 and 18.

The second time he didn't tell me he didn't want to, he would just ignore my advances.

The third time he thought I was pregnant because I was having pains because of a kidney infection and it scared him

And now this time I was very stressed out and my period was spotting(sorry about the TMI) I told him stress was the reason but he flipped out and for sure I was preggo...and of course I wasn't. Now He swears he will not have s*x with me for at least 2 months....yeah i'm going very crazy now...

Question: Does anyone think this is majorly wrong or do you agree with my boyfriend

Answer 26

I'll have to have more s*x to decide.  I have a tendency to over intellectualize my answers.  I think things are harder in real life.

Answer 27

In general I would say no however sometimes being too available gets you taken for granted and even can lead to disrespect.     If the love and respect is not there then yes it can be appropriate.   As someone else said a training tool lol.   I would like to think of it as enforcing boundaries based on love and respect.

Answer 28

my girlfriend and i have never had s*x and we've been dating for well over 7 months. We seem to do MUCH better than couples that have already had s*x. reason being? keeps things interesting, and she'll know you respect her enough to wait for her =]

Answer 29

I think if one is doing it strictly for punishment, then they have deeper problems that need to be addressed.

Of course, if one is married to a neanderthal who only thinks with his d*** then it could be a useful "training" tool. ;)

Answer 30

It depends on what is going on at the time.

You should not have s*x if you dont want to.

Who wants something like that that is supposed to be pleasureable to be turned into an obligation?

Answer 31

your body, your decision.

do whatever, but you just have to be prepared for the consequences.

I think some people withold s*x until their partner does what they want them to do.  it's a control tool...