Is it evil of me not to speak to my mom?

Question

I love my mom but she complicates my life. Examples:

-I moved out on my own. My mom was against it bec she is old fashion and feels i have to be married to move out. Since i've moved out she has been trying to financial suck me dry. She doesnt want me to succeed in life bec she wants me to crawl back home. She ask me for money all the time and has her friends and family ask me for me. She doesnt care if i can't pay my bills or not and doesnt take no for an answer. She bugs me until i eventually give in.

-She takes credit for every good thing that happens to me. I worked 2 jobs and bought a car and she takes credit for that, I have a great job and she takes credit for that, I have a great bf and she takes credit for that. Even though she has not done anything for me to get there.

-She lies to me so she can control me. To control me she also says things like " The pastor prayed for you today at church and he said God wants you to ....". She makes me feel guilty if i don't do it.

-Even though i'm in my mid 20s I'm afraid to do anything that i want to bec i'm afraid of how she will react and the words she will use.

-I've told her numerous times that I want to live my life and that i'm almost 30 and to please let me experience life. She doesnt care. She calls me 3-4 times a day until i give in.

Answer 1

Stop giving in to her.You're a big girl now so stand on your own two feet.Keep your life to yourself.Stop answering the phone calls and stop letting her control you.Call her once a week or whatever to find out how she is and let it go at that.If she starts to complain,tell her you love her and hang up.If she asks for money,you simply haven't any as you have to pay your bills.And,DON'T feel guilty.She's using you and it needs to stop.She's doing this because you're allowing her to and she knows that.She'll catch on eventually and it may take time but she'll come around when she realizes she can't control you anymore.You have to take control of your own life starting now.

Good luck and be strong.

Answer 2

You could try having one more talk with her or write her a long letter explaining how you feel and what you want from her, but the truth is, words won´t get to her right now. You need to take action. For one, don´t give her any more details of your life and the things that you do or will do in the future. It´s sad, because you wish you could tell her everything, but you can´t because she turns it up against you. With some mothers you just need to back off, just like you do with some friends and become distant. Not that you won´t ever call her or give her a hug or an "i love you" but you just need to be careful with what she knows about you.

Change the relationship you have with her to a positive one for you. Let her call you a millions times a day. Just answer one of her calls and let the phone ring for the rest of them. She´ll get it eventually. She´ll nag about it making you feel bad for not answering, but tell her you were busy at that time. Try not getting together with her every week, make it every two weeks. Don´t let her come to your home uninvited, Seriously, if she does, don´t answer the door and later tell her you were in the shower. Some parents just need to realize it the harsh way. Change the rutine you have with her by YOU visiting her whenever YOU have the time.

And to avoid any more complications, avoid family reunions where you can feel cornered by everybody.

You´re all grown and you appreciate your mom, but you´ve got your own life now. She lived hers, and now it´s your turn. You´re not going to get yourself against her, but you need to change things to make it better for you.  

Answer 3

If your mother is trying to control you and other wise making your life miserable,  honestly talk to her and  if she doesn't listen then, I say you should avoid her as much as possible,don't answer the phone or change your number,AND MOST IMPORTANTLY LEARN HOW TO SAY THE WORD NO,and mean it and stick to it.You are an adult ,live YOUR life to please YOU,you can't please everyone,so learn to please yourself and be happy.As for your mom trying to guilt you into doing things,by saying that "God wants you to.....",Respond to her by saying,that you have your own relationship with God,and that you trust that God will lead you on the path HE wants you to follow,without him sending messages by her!!!

Take care of yourself first,pay your bills etc.Charity begins at home,if you don't take care of yourself no one else will .Bless you and good luck.No it's not evil not to talk to your mom,what IS evil.is how she manipulates and uses you!!!!