Is it fair for my husband to ask this of me?

Question

We both work full-time jobs. We also have a small child that we both care for.

This past week he said he wants me to work on an after-work project with him to make some more money to pay off debts.

It's his idea, his project, and yet he wants ME to do the work. I'm so tired by the time I get home from work, plus I have a household to look after, a small child to attend to, and I'm just exhausted. The last thing I want is ANOTHER job.

I told him no, that I wouldnt do it, but now he's mad that I'm too "lazy" and dont want to do anything extra to help us pay off our debts.

Who's right? Should I give in and help out with the extra work, or is he unreasonable to expect me to take it on?

Answer 1

If it is a project that is only short term and has a positive outcome - paying off the debts!! I don't see why you would say no, as long as you equally share all the taks and chores while earning the extra cash.

I would do it to pay off the debts, he's doing it for the family.

Answer 2

when he is willing to assist in household duties then maybe you will be more willing to assist with extra at home work projects.

Answer 3

Let him handle the house/kids etc.......with that deal.......u can work...yeah?

Answer 4

If he helps care for your child,does housework, cooks, and all the rest of household chores, then you should help with this project.  But if he expects you to do the majority of things around the house and still help him, then he is asking too much.

Answer 5

just do it. or wise hes gonna never forgive you. i know ur tired its just one day that u have to do it. then its over with. sometimes men never understand what us women have to do. they over look things sometimes.

Answer 6

stand by your husband,support him in every idea he has to offer especially if it is to help your family, put forth as much effort to better the family and relationship as he does. one day he might not feel so interested any more and you will regret not supporting him during the time he was

Answer 7

He is being unreasonable.

If you work full-time,take care of your child and do all the housework yourself then you are certainly NOT lazy.

If he told you that you are lazy then he is being very disrespectful to you.

Answer 8

you shouldn't have gotten yourself in debt in the first place.  if you cant afford a big house don't buy it.  if you can't afford a nice car don't buy it.  if you can't afford a kid yet don't have one...

Answer 9

I don't think he is being unreasonable, especially if your debt situation is on the brink of disaster as it is.  Clearly he has the interests of your family at heart.  Remember he is also working a full time job.  Make the suggestion that you share the household work load and you will help him with this project.  Money is a big stresser and you may find with your debt paid down some he is more responsive and some of the spark will come back to your relationship.

Answer 10

If the two of you treat each other as equals.

Answer 11

No... I think he should do it on his own... He shouldn't be forcing you to do things that he starts... Let him handle it..

Answer 12

What project are you talking about? It sounds to me like he just wants to pay off your debts you guys have and I'm sure he is just as tired and as exhausted as you are. This is the time you can do something you enjoy or find a job where you only work on the weekends for a few hours.

Unless there is some big project he's trying to add in the picture that you aren't explaining, I don't see anything wrong with what he's asking.

Answer 13

I think you are both looking at this from two different angles. Guys usually tend to stress the finance end of a relationship a whole lot more than gals do. On the flip-side I think women worry more about quality time and spending that time with each other or the family. Both are extremely valid. Maybe if you guys can come up with an agreement or maybe just talking about this may help shed some new light. I know that sometimes us guys just want to feel like you support our efforts at keeping the families finances together, regardless of whether you think it'll work or not. Sometimes that is more than enough.

Answer 14

Tell him you'll do 50% of the project if he does 50% of the housework, including the cooking!  Lady, you're being taken advantage of!

Actually, both spouses need to contribute 100% to make a marriage successful!  Anything less and one "is getting the gold mine and one is getting the shaft!"

Answer 15

surprising that most people just assume he's not helping with child and home.  my husband does most housework and i do most kids, though he's really involved.  so before answering, we'd need to know if he's "lazy" about housework and baby work.

what kind of debt are you talking about?  credit card debt, medical bills?  If it is discretionary spending then I think it is inexcusable not to pay by whatever means necessary because you are sapping your family's worth in interest payements.  if it is unavoidable debt then, well, life is tough sometimes and you have to roll with it.

How long does the project last?  Is there an end date?  Is it something that you can put a start date on when your child is a little older?  Is your debt that large?

Too many variables to give an answer.  I know I say no to projects my husband asks me to do because I also work and have small kids. My husband travels for work so I do everything when he's gone. He understands this, though, and is very supportive of me.  I wish you the same.

Answer 16

Unreasonable, it was his idea so he should be the one to do it. You aren't lazy you have a full time job for Christ sake!

Answer 17

If it is just short term, bite the bullet and help him. You are lucky to have an ambitious husband who cares to get the extra work to pay the bills. Be his equal partner.

Answer 18

what does he do to call you lazy ? Men do not realize we have a 24-7 job , Wife , provider, mother, cook , maid , nurse, taxi, accountant,bill  payer , grocery shopper, it is amazing we find time to shower and sleep, I do not think it unfair for you to say your to tired if this "project is his passion let him pour his heart into it.  

Answer 19

It's only a reasonable request if he is doing half of everything including working, childcare and taking care of the house. If he is and is trying to pay bills/debt that you both accumulated then yes you need to help or take on other responsibilities so he can do that on his own.  

Answer 20

I can see his reasoning. I mean, you could work on this project for a while and it could help pay off your debt, one less worry right? A few months from now you may wish you had put in the effort, but I get what you are saying too. I'm a SAHM and I wouldn't want to do too much other work, even if it would help pay off debt, I'm just too tired. So you both have valid points, he shouldn't call you lazy, that's just plain retarded, since you obviously aren't lazy. Lazy people sit on thier asses all day long, you work and take care of a child, that's not lazy, you just don't feel the need to be any more stressed out, he should understand that!

Answer 21

Yeah, if he's not splitting the work 50-50, then it's unfair. Even so, if it's his idea, he should be willing to carry more of the load

Answer 22

Ok, help him, but he needs to do more with the household and etc. if you are going to have to do most of the work on the after hours project.Ok, which one of you have the physical job and the mental job? A lot of times when couples have these two different jobs, they don't see how they effect the other person and so on. How much money is this job going to make for you? Enough, that in the end it will be worth it or is it going to be extra spending money and not enough to pay off any bills? Weigh the odds and see, but remind him that it will be equal the work and that you will help him when you can or is up to it. Who works the longest hours? My other half does, so I try to keep up with most of the house stuff. He needs to stop with the lazy business, I hate that in people. Different things effect people differently, my dad, who is retired and disabled, usually can work us in the ground and we, being younger are about to kill over, including my other half who has a very physical demanding job. So your husband needs to step back and take a look and get the dollar signs out of his eyes. Money is not everything, it helps, but it is not everything.