Is it fair to ask others not to judge us?

Question

I have been guilty of this as well. But upon reflection we all judge based on our own morals and beliefs. We make decisions based on those judgements. Is it really fair to ask others not to be critical and judge our parenting based on theirs? Im not talking about being rude or intentionally insulting. Neither is called for. But to disagree and judge is a normal part of life.

Answer 1

I don't think it's realistic to ask others not to judge us, whether it's fair or not.  I do think it's acceptable to ask people not to be rude to us, but again it's unrealistic to think they will always respect that.  We all have bad days, and we all have things that just grate on our nerves.  I think that one of the most important things in life is to be able to let the judgments and rudeness of others roll off our backs when it's unwarranted, and examine ourselves more closely when it is warranted.  Unfortunately, we are usually most objectionable to those judgments when they echo our own thoughts or fears about ourselves that we are trying to ignore.

Answer 2

I was just going to post a very similar question because I was accused of judging in a prior question.

Anyway.........it is almost impossible to ask an opinion, get an answer and not feel judged if the person does not agree with that opinion....and vice versa. There were people who did not like my opinion......and that is all it really was. They saw it as being judgmental when it is really just an observation which I based on my personal experience.

OR.....Maybe I was being judgmental........

EDIT**again Mozz comes through with a brilliant answer. I love the way she looks at life.

Answer 3

I agree with the first poster, it is impossible to not make a judgment.  BUT we can choose to keep the negative comments to ourselves. Some people simply aren't mature enough to make that choice though.

Good question though.  Very insightful and I appreciate it.

Answer 4

To judge is to condemn to disagree is just that

People today take offense at everything if you do not agree with them or their beliefs.  What ever happened to diversity?

Answer 5

Everyone has a right to their own beliefs and morals.  Everyone also has a right to raise their children based on those beliefs.  Something I allow my child to do may be considered horrible based on another's morals, and vice versa.

I think its uncalled for to tell someone what there are doing is wrong based on your own opinion of religion, morals, etc, but you can't stop people from thinking what they want.

Unless a child is being abused or harmed, how a child is raised is no one's business but the parents and the child.

Answer 6

It's impossible not to judge.  

Answer 7

Yes that's fair

Answer 8

Yes, it's fair to ask others not to judge us based on their own experience or opinions.  That doesn't mean they can't disagree with us, but they should not apply their own standards in judging others.

As Mozz pointed out, we don't always know the whole story. It's less unfair to judge others based on their own circumstances - in other words, if we can put ourselves in their situation and understand where they are coming from.  But still, that will not be perfect.  

Just because it's normal to disagree and judge doesn't mean we can't teach ourselves to be more tolerant.  To be able to see the world from another's point of view takes practice, but it can be learned.  It's the basis for compassion and the cure for prejudice.

Answer 9

This is a difficult question.  I've been thinking about this myself after being accused by a teen mom of being judgmental because I don't feel that the average 16 year old has the resources (maturity, finances, responsibility, stability, etc.) to take care of a baby (their own baby).  Is this an "opinion" or is it "judging"??

There is a fine line and truthfully, I'm not sure of the difference.

Answer 10

Depends if the judging is based on any fact.  Often it's not.  Most times it's based on a first impression, the person's appearance, or one situation.

Try this.  Close your eyes and envision a waiter in a restaurant.  The customer is a real jerk. Suit and tie, hair slicked back.  Real silver spoon right?  He bites the waiter's head off, sends things back to the kitchen, barks at the waiter, slams his fist on the table simply because the waiter forgot a napkin.  What's your impression of this guy?

Now back up.  To earlier that morning.  The customer buried his wife just hours before from an untimely death.  He's upset, with displaced grief.  What's your impression now?  Would you tend to be more patient with him?  The customer didn't handle his grief well, that's not what I'm saying.  But he's not the pompous spoiled brat he appeared to be.

As people we're quick to judge.  A spanker and non-spanker can both raise respectful, well rounded, responsible kids.  So can stay at home moms.  And full time workers.  And those on government funding.  Some families have swimming pools.  Some have tar for a backyard.  But I have to stop myself from assuming the kid playing on the tar yard is unhappy (a judgement), or that his parents did wrong by him by not providing better (another judgement).  In fact, he's sure to be a lot better off than a suburbian child in the middle of an unsettling, irate divorce, or god forbid the child who is molested.

- - - - - -

Thanks Zaza!  Nice to read that.  But I can't take credit for that story.  Someone told it to me a long time ago.  I love raising awareness and it was so applicable here.

Answer 11

Its fair to ask but it will never happen.

People like drama and love to cause it to get reactions, just ignore it and live your life.