Is it fair to punish a child on their birthday?

Question

A 9 year old got bad grades and has to attend summer school. as punishment the parents put full restrictions on the child until summer school is over. The girl's birthday happens to fall in that time period. The parents considered lifting punishment for the day, but she's still slacking even in summer school. Is it fair to keep her grounded on her birthday? If so how can she celebrate. If not then would lifting the punishment make the parents look like pushovers? Especially when the child has not proven herself responsible?

Answer 1

yes, the conditions should stay in place during the birthday.

yes, it is fair to place restrictions on a child on their birthday.

after all would you let your kid run into the street because it's their birthday?  or do other self-harmful behavior?  no.

Answer 2

thats 100% up to the parents.thats their choice. rules are rules, and at 9 she knows better.

Answer 3

I remember on my 12th birthday my mother totally punished me BADLY for running into someone at the store on accident and being so embarrased that I forgot to apologize =(

Answer 4

I would be looking into why they had bad grades. It's not an issue for punishment but for discussion and encouragement, however as you have gone down that route I think you need to celebrate the birthday in some way even if you keep with the programme. There is no reason why they can't have gifts and hugs and a cake with a happy birthday song.

I've come back to add more after you additions. Really I would drop the whole punishment thing. I've raised two boys to adulthood and they did wonderfully. Punishment never works, it might change behaviour through fear, but never because the youngster wants to change, your seeing that now in her acting out. She must be so resentful. She will only have one Summer when she is nine, cherish it and make it good for her and try and find ways to make her learning so it means something to her, not something that if she doesn't knuckle down she gets punished. Kids need dreaming time, not to be supervised and harangued. Leave her be between fun leisure, and if find ways to make it so she wants to learn.

All young people want to please and want to achieve, if they are not then something is wrong and then they spiral down because they feel hopeless. Find out why she's not achieving, not all of us are academic. Encourage her hobbies and PLEASE celebrate the only birthday she'll have this year.

Answer 5

depends, well it doesnt seem like she did that bad of a thing so i'd give her a break on her birthday, but after that then you should put her on punishment.

=)

Answer 6

I'd give her a break for her birthday, but then maybe try some other form of discipline...maybe she isn't slacking...maybe she has a learning disorder.

Answer 7

I would celebrate it at least with the family! I mean, are you talking about completely ignoring that fact that it is her birthday? Or will you still tell her happy birthday, and have a cake or something for her?

No, I would NOT allow her to have a "party" with friends, she is grounded...

I would make sure she does have a cake, and let her know she is loved. You could even give her presents (as the parents)

If you let the restrictions be lifted on her birthday, you are letting her off the hook. Maybe she will then realize that she needs to step up her game. She might realize that her education is important!

--if her problems continue, you may want to seek some professional help. It could be a learning disability. Enroll her in Sylvan learning center (google it) or go get her tested for a learning disability.

On that note, YOU ARE NOT a failure if she does have a learning disability.

Best of luck, stay strong!

Answer 8

grounded is grounded no matter what day it is or occasion.

Answer 9

dont lift the rules if she isnt even behaving correctly while she is grounded celebrate it afterwards

Answer 10

i think she should get grounded till her grades improve but if they don't have a talk with her and tell her that you can't celebrate because she is not working hard enough.

Answer 11

I remember one time I was grounded on my birthday. I thought for sure that my parents would lift it becasue of my birthday, but they did not. I didn't think it was fair then, but I can understand it now. If she is still slacking, then she should not be given a break just becasue it is her birthday

Answer 12

So I take it the parents are trying to make their child hate school/education?  That is what they are heading for this way.  I have never grounded my kids for any behavior.  And a child having to go to summerschool is not the end of the world.  I can't tell you how many times I attended summerschool...yet some how minus grounding I was able to get my masters degree in International Business and a BA in Deaf Studies/Culture/Language.  I think the parents need to rethink the grounding process and seek ways they can help the child get organzied and motivated to get better grades.  Grounding and punishing isn't going to do it.

Answer 13

If she can pull her stuff together the week before the birthday then let her have some friends over.  If not then the celebration needs to be limited to family.  Don't skip it completely though.

Answer 14

She's 9, punishing someone for a whole summer is way more then they need to do. She's 9, did I say that? nine years old.  Why are people so eager to force children to become adults, when are they suppose to be kids? That's going to make her love school even more.

So she isn't doing great in school, then let her have summer off except for summer school, let her have her evenings and weekends so she can at least have some fun and feel better when school starts again in September.

Answer 15

I agree with the first answer. Maybe a punishment on her birthday will be what it takes to teach her the lesson. Especially if she hasn't proven herself responsible!

Answer 16

I am a firm believer that if a method of change is not working for someone (child or adult) the method should probably be altered. Case & point, she is on lock down for an entire summer (which I personally dont think is fair) & her grades still have not improved. Some revisions need to be made to the plan of action if any change is expected to happen.

It does not make someone look like a pushover to make their point & move on hoping for the best. The point has been made that her grades need to improve as she is wasting away an entire summer in summer school whilst her peers get to enjoy their lives. She should be able to celebrate her birthday without consequence because it is a special day As far as the punishment goes like I mentioned before, if there is a lack of change on the young girls part, then the parents should come up with a new solution

Answer 17

If 'restriction' is not working, then continuing it through summer is not helping matters. I don't think she should have a blow out party, but a celebration of her birth, yes. I think something else needs to be done other than restriction to make sure the work is getting completed. Perhaps a mandatory study time in the dining room, with work checked. maybe a talk with the teachers to find out what she is doing wrong in the classroom. I don't think months long punishments are helpful....usually, they just make parents miserable and do nothing to address the actual issue.

Answer 18

give the child a break  let her have her bday  very soon she;ll be all grown up and always remember this one missed bday

Answer 19

I wouldn't lift the punishment since she isn't improving in school.  That may be the only thing that will get through to her. Just make sure she understands why she isn't getting a party etc. and discuss the possibility of a celebrating after summer school is over, but only if her performance improves.