Is it fair to say that all women have or will seriously date a jerk at some point in her life before ...?

Question

she finds her life-long partner? Does dating jerks in someway prepare a woman for a lifelong relationship?

Answer 1

Some people even marry that jerk too.

But beside that, Someone once told me "You must experience pain to truly understand Joy." It fit in this as well. How do you know that person is a Prince in Shining Armour if you haven't dated the Court Jester yet.  You have to experience pain to know that feeling happiness in a relationship.

Sure my ex had a few good points that my husband doesnt have. But my husband adores me, puts me on a petisal and never once hit me. My ex did the opposite. How could i truely cherish all the little things my hubby does if i had never been with the abusive ex-boyfriend

Answer 2

It is statistical probability. Jerks are more likely to be aggressive thus more likely to catch your attention.

   So you will probably fall for a few "jerks" should you like aggressive guys.

    I can only see the end resulting of you hating all guys or learning to spot/ignore jerks.

Not many positives.

      

Answer 3

As a guy who really does try to do the right thing...but has had to apologize from time to time for being a jerk...I do have to admit that there are a lot of jerks out in the world.  What's also true is that it takes two people to make a relationship, and nobody comes into a relationship as a "finished product."  It helps to remember that relationships are works-in-progress, and love and understanding can go a long way toward achieving better behavior from both parties.

Answer 4

I didn't but usually you have to go through a few frogs to meet your prince.

Answer 5

If a woman gets involved with a jerk, it's because he turned her on as such (even if she didnt consciously 'know')...and it means that she has been conditioned in childhood to be 'used to' (stimulated to respond by) this kind of negative behavior.

I dont belive in choice generally(people are on automatic, making excuses, always)-however in cases where change is earnestly needed like this ...step one is for the woman to know why she responds as she does ...step two is to make a long sustained effort at replacing the old conditioning (getting turned on by abusive men) with new conditioning...so that every time a man turns her on, she needs to just dont get into him, becausen her radar is still picking up what its used to picking up on ...she should go instead and date a nice guy(yes, one who "doesnt do much" for her...after some time she'll become good at recognizing  where she gets a tinge towards a guy here and there...but she'll come to recognize it as more like a sick symptom, than getting turned on.  ..and she'll get used to rejecting her conditioning to feed that.

meanwhile, because she's working on creating new conditioning(dating guys who genuinely are ok, and she know so, because they dont 'get to her' the same old way) she will learn(become conditioned) to respond to that, instead.

This "replacement of conditioning"-method is the basis of what gets done in therapy, and in various programs (including certainly 12-step)

A program, with a group of fellow sufferers like that, is definitely more effective and supportive than a therapist. (Therapists generally will let you talk and talk - but they're  taking a very passive approach about  making change happen at all (they more like just listen, and so a lot of time goes by, and not much changes)

but if you go to a group, it is structured, and there are people going through same thing

A woman in this position simply needs to look in the paper...these groups exist

There is a 12-step program for any of 600 different types of 'addictions" (yes she can consider herself 'addicted' to the wrong kind of buzz,

and in need therefore of changing what stimulates her)

..and in the group they all are doing this too, so it's very very helpful and workable, and recommended..for anyone who wants to make real change for themself.

Answer 6

Oh, don't be such a victim.

It's really not just straight women - the vast majority of people (female, male, straight, g*y, EVERYONE) will fall for some horrible "jerks" in their lifetimes.  

Answer 7

No... some women are lucky and find a perfect man first and stay with him.

Answer 8

no, it is not fair. unless you come up with hard statistics, you can't say that. anyway, i think dating a jerk can be common not (just) because of a person's blindness when attracted to a person but maybe because so many guys are jerks and it's not easy not to cross paths with them.

Answer 9

I think a girl wants to date every type of man, either a shy guy, a jerk, a sensitive man.. any of those.. Dating a jerk does help a women stand up for her self. Plus, women are attracted to bad boys :)

Answer 10

Sometimes it just gives you a little taste of what you're in for...

Answer 11

Not at all! I only dated one man and I married him. He is the farthest from a jerk.  

Answer 12

Never say All...b/c it always kills your argument...there is always an exception.



But from what I've seen most people, gets messed over by at least one person before settling down.  how bad and if it was an intentional "messing over" depends.  

Have to cry, to know how to smile.

You hit bottom before you learn how to fly.

A broken heart is fertile soil for love.  

Answer 13

Well, it helps you know what NOT to look for in the future.

Honestly, most women do end up dating at least one jerk... not because they want to, but because not many guys will come straight out and say, "Hey, I'm an insensitive moron! Want to go out?" They will usually put on a show or act really sweet until they start to feel more comfortable.

Answer 14

No, not really it's just an adventure, a walk on the wild side; besides, some jerks are quite capable of really caring for the women they date. I had an experience like that. It wasn't his intention; however, that's what happened. Did it prepare me for my marriage? No, but it did give me a happy feeling I'll always treasure.

Answer 15

As my mother had always told me......

A woman can have any man she wants as long as she's willing to lower her standards.

So if you feel you've been getting jerked around by jerks, maybe it's due in part to what is familiar to you.

Raise the bar. Know what you are and are not willing to tolerate and stick to your guns.

And if you meet a cute guy that doesn't fit all of your criteria, then don't waste your time with him.

Answer 16

Not all... most... but not all...

Answer 17

No. I ended up finding the right guy the very first time I dated. We're married now. I know three other women who have also married the first guy they dated.

I think a lot of it goes with the reason for dating. I didn't date until I was old enough to get married and I didn't just do it because I needed a man or I was lonely. When you look at a guy with the thought of him potentially being your husband, I think it kind of makes you look for better qualities it the men you're interested in.

Answer 18

Women (and men) have to start taking responsibility for their choices in dates and partners.  There are jerks and manipulators, cheaters, abusers and gold diggers all around us - of both genders.  And if you end up dating one, consider it lesson learned - and move on.  Without whining, complaining or blaming an entire gender for it.  Take responsibility for your poor choice or your inability to identify them as they were.

But most importantly, know that you have to be a good person in order to find and attract a good person.  

Answer 19

I would say that most women would have that perspective about at least one man in her life.  But most men too, would have the equivalent perspective about at least one women in his life.

Answer 20

i don't think so.  but keep in mind a lot of girls make guys become jerks...by jerking them around.

Answer 21

not ALL. But if you insist..

Answer 22

IT is that way or just Marry the JERKS