Is it ignorance or a lack of understanding?

Question

More and more these days I see kids go through phases at the age of ten that I went through at the age of eighteen. I have been in the daycare business for four years and in those four years I have seen a major lack of discipline on the parents part that effects the kids behavior. Not all parents are like this and I know that but many parents are! Whats even harder is the fact that as a daycare we can't do much about it, yes we can have time-outs all day but that rarely gets anywhere these days. Yes we can send the kids home time and time again but what good will that do?!? By the end of the week we finally get the kids to act a little bit better and then when Monday comes rolling around the kids are right back in the habits that we started to defuse the week before. (I know some of the daycare workers and providers understand what I am talking about). We sure don't want to see these kids in the news later on in life! What is it going to take?

Yes I am a mother by the way!

Answer 1

I'm a 14 year old and honestly I'm going to tell you that i can be a hand full but when i was growing up i got a good butt whooping and i was good to go. my parents disciplined me and showed me right from wrong. Some kids need discipline that you cant provide. Its the parents at fault ! ..and to think if your horrified by the way they act now.. im the one who has to grow up with these people voting for my president one day. oh how fun!

Answer 2

I know what you mean. I have worked in the childcare field for 20 years now from working in daycares/preschools to being a private nanny live in and live out, and I see it all the time. I have worked for parents who would ask my advice because they were amazed at how well their child would listen to me and not them. I would try and offer them advice as to my techniques but they would never follow through with trying them (too much effort). Most of the parents that I would nanny for were spankers too. They couldn't figure out how I got their kid to listen without spanking. It's not that hard, you just have to let them know right off the bat what you will and will not tolerate and be consistent with the rules/limits and consequences.

I see so many parents on here asking questions about how to get their child to behave and these are the same people who are always praising spanking as the best discipline that works LOL...really? Then why are you always posting questions asking how to gert your child to stop hitting their sister or how to get them to behave in general?

I personally have 4 kids who are 13, 13, 11 and 8 and one thing I have found and probably you as well, is over the years I have learned from other parents mistakes. I feel working with children for so long before having my own gave me just the right experience I needed to be a better parent myself. My kids are all 4 well behaved and respectful. None of them have ever been spanked and yet I am a strict parent.

I have seen questions on here like "My 9 yr old cries for like 15 minutes at a time is this unhealthy? and I say to myself "oh my, this person has been a parent to the child for 9 whole years and they have to ask this question? pretty scary.

I had to just shake my head the other day at the doctor's office this lady was with her 2 yr old who kept getting into everything like the fake plants there. She called her daughters name like 5 times telling her to get over here now and her daughter looked at her and smiled and continued playing with the plant. The mom's response was to look back down at her magazine and say "okaaaaaay Keesha" and that was it. She just let her continue LOL My guess is at home she would spank but in public she did nothing. I think this because not long after, the nurse called them in and when she went over to get her daughter who was still playing with the plant...her daughter put her hand up over her head and coward down flinching as if she thought she was about to be hit. Interesting huh because obviously the spanking at home doesn't do any good does it?

EDIT Jak010...I don't view spanking as abuse, just not necessesary. You do realize there are other wasy to punish a child right? You do realize that how well a child behaves is not based on just how you punish them right? I mean the main thing that shape your child is how you parent in general, having good communication, set limits and consequences, sticking to them (being consistent), being creative, preventing bad behavior by knowing your child well and staying a step ahead of your child, how you teach (discipline means to teach) your child right from wrong and how wel you stress that to them. Parenting consists of a lot more than whether you spank or not. and for your info over 90% of todays parents spank (the proof of that will show up in the amount of thumbs down I'll get). If spanking was the key to well behaved children then I wouldn't have 4  well behaved children, because I don't spank...yet I do...go figure.

Answer 3

You are totally right.  I am a licensed provider myself with experience in a daycare center.  You and i and all the others know that time out is a joke after so many time outs!  It is worrisome that some of these children receive no discipline.  Don't you just love the parents of the well behaved, polite children?  I remember one family at a daycare I worked at.  the parrots would actually read their children a book for about five minutes in the morning, and pray with them before they left for work!  These two children were the best behaved children in the place and I think it was because they got lots of attention from their parents.  The parents didn't allow themselves to get too strung out form work to attend to the details such as manners, obedience, respectfulness.  

I think most 'daycare' parents are so tired after a long day at work that they go home and veg.  Instead of giving their child quality time and good parenting, they 'relax' and do whatever they can to make life easier.  Usually that incl used laying around on the couch while their kids go off by themselves.  

Obviously, not all parents are like that and we child care providers can tell which ones aren't, can't we?

Answer 4

meh i doubt that any of these kids will be in the news paper, but im not really sure what youre saying what did you do at eighteen that kids are doing now, rough house? call another kid a dodo head? punch some kid for taking your toy dinosaur? lol if you did any of this when you were eighteen then there is something wrong with you. also are you talking about rebelling against your parents? cause at 18 if there was something to rebel against then your parents were way to strict, if you had a bed time or a curfew at 18 that wierd, and i highly doubt that kids crying and talking back to their parent when theyre ten (when the dont know any better) is normal so im not sure exactly what youre talking about maybe more details?

Answer 5

What it will take is for parents to start putting their children first as their priority as what they want to see become successful!! People think they want children, but then once they have them, and they grow out of that cute phase and start to be a challenge to society, often they aren't prepared to deal with all the pressure and stress that accompanies "the growing child". Then when this child starts to present problems in school, they really become a challenge to their parents, so the entire family starts to struggle. By 3-4th grade, we are seeing children who are, quite literally, showing no respect for teachers, parents, or any authority figures, and if no control is gained now, by 7-8th grade, we can expect to see these children totally rule the classrooms, if they even choose to attend a class at all!!!

Their attitudes at this point is "Whatever--I do what I want!!"

Bottom line is this---These parents better seek Gods will before our country is in worse shape than it is now!!!  

Answer 6

i know exactly where you're coming from.  I've also noticed that kids seem to act alot older these days. And it does seem like parents have lightened up on the discipline.  I used to volunteer at a local daycare and i had a mother ask me once: "how could you handle so many kids, I could barely even handle my own?"  well duh...that's because her child runs around like crazy hitting others and talking back to his mother because she is too leninent on him....she (as well as many other parents nowadays) needs to start disciplining her child.

Answer 7

i know ,really...i think it's because parents these days view spankings as abuse rather than a disciplinary tool...not ignorance...this lack of discipline is part of the reason the world is going to sh** ,i see kids talk back to their parents, like they own them, and that's ok?! wtf?!

i'm sorry, call me old fashioned...by my kids WILL be respectful and polite...and if i have to spank them to make them that way...so be it..people used to have respect and dignity...what happened to it???

unfortunately for you, there is nothing you can do about it...as you're not their mother....except maybe talk to the mum about it...and she'll prob just get mad and ignore any advice you gave..  

Answer 8

well i think it's a lack of education,not everyone knows how to raise a kid,they just want to make the process,immaturity and irresponsibility is rampant too.

Answer 9

I'm guessing the parents are far to lenient, and they probably remember the scolding for saying such terms, or doing such things. So they probably think it's ok to let it pass on. I'm 14, so I'm not too familiar with the subject, though everyday, I face people my age, above or below it too, forgetting morals.

Answer 10

Wow! You just touched on a subject I've been making a major topic at Provider meetings!!! I too own a Daycare and like yourself wonder what the world will be like in 20 years. You're right, there is such a lack of discipline (not physical) these days in society and it's usually the little things like thanking someone for doing something for you or asking instead of demanding. Truthfully, there isn't anything we as Providers can do. We make rules, prove negative consequences and provide structure, but the real parenting should start at home.It's funny you should mention that by the end of the week things are a little better controlled. I agree!!! Whats it going to take? I have no idea, but I wish someone would come up with some type of resolution, before its too late! I really love my job and enjoy working with the children, but I shake my head often at some of the attitudes by both parents and childen when it comes to respect and common courtsey. By the way, I too am a Mother, one adult child and three teens. Look for support groups within the circle of Providers who offer ideas and tactics, they are out there, just require some searching.

Answer 11

Spankings should work.