Is it illegal for me to contact the adoptive parents of my siblings?

Question

I just found out this morning that atleast two of my sisters were adopted out to another family, Am I allowed to contact their adoptive mother? I am currently not in contact with our birthmother, but I am trying to contact my original adoption attorney to find out what I can and cannot do. I would really like to know about my sisters and talk to them, but they are both under 18 and I really don't want to cause any trouble, I just want to know who they are.

Answer 1

Its not illegal, but the Aparents if they feel "threatened" can put a restraining order against you. Its not illegal to contact someone unless they have a restraining order against you already.

I would send them a nice letter and send it certified so that you know they get it.

some states have laws for siblings to be entitle to non identifying information on eachother, and other states also have registires where siblings can match up.

http://www.adopteerights.net ( click on searchers ) and then click on your state that they were adopted into and you will find your state laws.

Good luck!

Answer 2

In the US, we are lucky enough to have the freedom to contact anyone we please.  It is not illegal for you to contact your sister's parents, unless they have filed a restraining order against you personally.

As an adoptive parent, I would welcome contact from any half sibling of my son.  He's ten, and an only child, but has at least one half sib on his father's side that we know of.  We are not in contact with them, because his father wants nothing to do with us.  I'd also be thrilled if his cousins on his mom's side wanted contact.

I hope things work out for you!

Good luck

Answer 3

It isn't illegal, but it could put the adoptive parents in and uncomfortable position and upset them. You also might want to take into consideration how old you sisters are, if they are under 18 it could be a problem ... you also have to think about if they want to know you. Whether they know they are adopted or not could factor in also. This is a big can of worms to open.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

What a hard position to be in. I can only imagine what you are going through.  I agree with you.  Hire an attorney to look into the case and check if it is an open adoption or a closed one.  Lets hope its an open adoption, its only easier this way but since you are a sibling and not a parent, you might not have any complications.  I really dont know much but I hope I can help you. Thats the best advice I could give you.  Good luck.

http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Adoption_and...

Answer 5

if you live in america (not everyone on YA does), we live in a free country.

there is no law against contacting people.  i would do it by letter, since they are still young.

Answer 6

There is nothing wrong with passing informaiton on to the A-parents, in fact they may welcome your presence!

Answer 7

You can do anything you want to.  Go ahead. Contact the a-parents.

Answer 8

Oh I am so sorry you have been seperated!

I am the mother of adopted siblings and they have an older sibling who was adopted privately and is in a closed adoption. They also have 2 more siblings adopted by another family.

My little girl is 10 and she would really like to "find" the other siblings... The parents of the younger two and I are in contact, exchange pictures and keep each other posted. We plan to have the children meet and know each other in the future.

Right now the 10 year old is really upsetting her brother who is 6 ... she keeps telling him that they need to Look for their birth mother--and siblings and at 6 her brother is just getting upset by her talk... He isn't ready to think of these things and she is harming him in some ways.

We are trying to teach her that this is a Decision She can make and a Decision that her brother can make as well. The younger siblings are still much younger so they are not ready to meet... We can't wait until that time.... But, we have to be careful with our daughter as we are not in charge of this plan.

I think that if and when you do find out where the siblings are the best way to handle this is to talk with the Adoptive Parents...  I might write them a letter and send a picture of yourself for the parents to see and show your siblings....

Acting mature and letting the parents know that you know who your sisters are and that you have spoken to them is kind of important information for them to know about. They can be better parents and understand what is going on with your sisters if they have an idea that they are in contact with you.

Keeping secrets can only cause children to "look" guilty and parents almost always jump to conclusions and think the worst.

Knowing that there daughters have made contact with you might be a surprise--but, it certainly isn't something they didn't think was possible... For all you know that parents wanted to know more about what happened to you--they may have even been open to some kind of contact...

The important thing is that you act as you are the mature person you have become and that your interest for the best of your sisters. You will have a better relationship with them.

It will be hard on the parents if it turns into the siblings vs. the parents and the parents will have to do what they need to do in order to raise your siblings... If you are honest and mature with the parents about what is going on then the parents will view you as a healthy person to be around their children and may encourage contact.

If my children's older sibling contacted me and let me know what you have shared I would have paid attention and would need to decide if I feel the older sibling was a healthy situation for my children to meet at the time. It would depend on some important things to me... and one would be that the sibling didn't undermine or go behind my back. That is a red-flag and the way I see it is when there is value in a relationship it doesn't need to be hidden.

I would want their sibling to pay respect to our wishes and I might want to spend some time thinking about it--or asking questions.

It would also depend on what is going on with the siblings... Any young person can have any kind of problem--so as a parent I would also have the insight on what the contact and relationship with the older sibling might mean for them emotionally or even with behaviors.

I would want to see the older sibling with an attitude that what was best for the siblings needed to be the most important. The parents might be helping sisters with some issues adoption, life, teenager stuff and keeping this secret may not help. And the parents may feel it isn't a good idea for awhile once finding out it has happened.

The best way to learn about who they are and build a relationship that will always be true is to be honest with the adoptive parents and don't keep secrets with the sisters from her parents....  You do not know who your sisters are and you are an adult who can communicate what has happened to the parents in an adult way.

Let them know that it has happened and you are concerned that this isn't a stressful or emotionally difficult issue for them and that you felt it was in their best interest if you contacted them to make them aware of the contact.

Let them know who you are, what you are doing in your life--and about what you remember of your siblings--or when you knew about them... and that you do want to have a relationship with them--when the time is right.

Give them your contact information, phone and address and offer to meet with them for coffee or something someplace where you can talk with just the parents...

I promise if you approach this as an adult the parents will respect you and will want you to be a part of their daughters lives. If the parents see you as a threat they will not...

You might send the letter to them via the attorney or directly since you do know where they are.