Is it in good taste to have a memorial table at a wedding reception for the grooms deceased mother

Question

Is it in good taste to have a memorial table at a wedding reception for the grooms deceased mother

Answer 1

A memorial table seems a bit much, since the wedding is suppose to focus on the bride and groom and their future. What I've seen done that seems more tasteful is to have a flower placed on the seat the mother would be sitting in. It's usually done at the ceremony, but I can't see why it couldn't be done at the reception either.  

Answer 2

I think so, we are having a vase full of yellow roses (my fiances mother's favorite) in memorial of her, with a picture of her next to it

Answer 3

I've seen that done, and sometimes couples have me mention the deceased parent.

It's a matter of personal preference.

Answer 4

both my parents will not be at my wedding and I plan to have a framed picture of them on the mantle of the fireplace.  Maybe a little frame with a poem or message about how we are remembering them.  

I agree, the people who think this is "bad taste" probably don't know this kind of loss.  

Answer 5

Well, my father died 16 years ago, and when I got married last year I chose not to have any big visual reminder of him. Frankly, I missed him enough without having to look at his picture. And enough people said "he would have wanted to be here" without encouragement, so if I had a table and a picture, it probably would have been the only thing I heard all night. I did tie a tiny frame with a picture of him to my bouquett, and that was enough.

The focus should be on the future, not on the past.

Answer 6

I think having a whole table would be a little much. Not that your mother isn't important enough to have a whole table, but I think it would just be kind of a downer. I have an idea for you. At my wedding, I framed pictures of everyone in my family who was married and wrote how many years they've been together beside the picture, and also their relationship to the couple. You could obviously include a picture of your mom and dad and the years they were married, and maybe a poem by it w/ a rose or something, in rememberance. That way, it is honoring your mother in a kind of more happy way than to have a whole table. I might be way off, because I can't relate to your situation, but that's my feeling right now.

Answer 7

We did this.  We had a candle that we lit during the ceremony, then at the reception, we had a table with the candle and her picture.  It wasn't a big in your face type of display or any long drawn out thing that people imagine.  So it wasn't a downer.  My hubby was very close to his mom.  He lost her to two forms of Cancer.  Her wish was to see him get married and have kids.  She never got to see that, so it seemed fitting to honor her at a moment in his life that she would have wanted to see.  After the wedding, he & I visited her gravesite and left my bouquet there.  They have such a big family, people visit her grave often and constantly raise money for cancer research.  

Do what makes sense, but try to do it in a way that won't create a big downer at the recption.

To Linda B - I accidentally gave you a thumbs down.  ignore it.  I meant to hit the thumbs up.  (Man, I wish we could change those)

ADDED:  How DARE ANYONE give my answer a thumbs down.  Those who did are insensitive jerks.  I am deeply offended.  We honored someone who was a mom to three, a wife to one a sister to 13 and loved by more than three quarters of our guest list.  Who in their RIGHT MIND would be a jerk about how someone shows love and respect to a good woman who suffered from a very short battle with breast cancer and Lymphoma?  SHAME ON YOU!  There is no thumbs down to anyone's way of showing love to someone, especially when everyone in attendance loved her.

Answer 8

I think that would be inappropriate....

Answer 9

I wouldn't suggest a table, but I think it's a good idea to maybe have a photo of her there, or do something else in memory of her. I'm engaged and planning our wedding. I lost a sister to cancer nearly 4 years ago, but we're hoping to do something in memory of her on our wedding day. Not sure exactly what yet, but maybe let a white dove go, or some purple balloons (purple was her favourite colour) and we'll probably have a photo of her somewhere too, maybe gifts table or something like that. You're husband-to-be's mother would love to be at your wedding if she was still alive, and I think it's nice of you to remember her on your special day. It's a lifetime commitment you are making and it should involve everyone who is special to you and you're fiance, even if those people have passed on. Best of luck on your wedding day, hope it works out perfect for you!

PS: It's not a matter of taste really, the people who've made nasty comments have likely never lost someone close to them and don't know what it's like to lose someone you love. As long as what you do doesn't detract from your wedding day and you're both happy with whatever arrangement is made.

Answer 10

I don't believe so. I have however seen the bride carry two roses that are individually wrapped up the isle as she approaches the front of the church.  She then leans over and gives the rose to her mother, and when she is exiting the ceremony she then places the other rose for her mother n law to be's memory in the lap of her new father n law. I tried explaining this concept as best as I could.  I hope you understand it and fine it helpful. I also believe that it's your wedding and you do as you and your fiance wishes.  Congrats!

Answer 11

Are the groom and his family ok with this idea? They may actually not even want it or think it'd be too depressing. A simple speech by the priest or a toast by the family to all the loved ones who couldn't join you on your special day is usually sufficient.

All the best.

Answer 12

Thats up to you,,,its your wedding, not everyone else,,,we are lighting a candle for 3 of my grandparents, and one of my soon to be husbands gradmother and one for my uncle Kc, who i miss so much,,,,,,,,so is you feel that should be done , then i think you should do it,,,,so they can be there in love and sprirt,,,,,,,,

best of wishes

tabby

Answer 13

As a guest, I would be creeped out by it. I wouldn't appreciate it as a bride either. It's a wedding, not a funeral. There are several deceased relatives of mine that I wish could attend but I have no desire whatsoever to turn the wedding into a funeral/memorial for them since that is not what the day is about at all.

If he wants to honor his mother, there are much more tactful and subtle ways of doing so. Using her favorite flower in an arrangement such as at the guestbook table or wherever, just as an example.  

Answer 14

I wouldn't really like it..I mean weddings are supposed to be a projection to the future, not an insight to the past..

Answer 15

Have a memorial table at a wedding is creppy however having the symbol of your mother such as a picture of a rose representing who she is, that is different. A wedding is supposed to be about happy times. Starting a new life together.

Answer 16

Extremely, bad taste.

Answer 17

I think it should be up to the groom...I don't think it would be bad if that is what he wants. However I agree it should be a look into the future. So, maybe a compromise with the groom, somebody could always get up and say a few words (or a prayer) mentioning that everyone wishes the grooms mother could be there. How recently did she pass? That might be another detail to think of. If it was recent, some people might not feel comfortable with it and it could be hard on a lot of people who are trying to move past it. Good luck...

Answer 18

a candle lit in her honor or a mention during the ceremony is proper, but a table at the reception can be a bit too solomn.  You can always save a seat for her at the reception in her memory but not make it obvious to the guests.  

Answer 19

i have seen it done at a number of weddings.

if the bride feels comfortable with that then i think its ok.

its hard not having a parent that you love at your wedding so having something like that makes it a little easier, as well as shows respect.

However, you mite want to try to include the memorial piece, like if you have a DJ ask him to announce a couple minutes of silence for the deceased parent as well as make a gesture to the memorial so that people don't just look at it and are like what the heck is that?!

goodluck