Is it inevitable that I will kill myself?

Question

I have no confidence, I hate myself everyday, i can barely socialize because of my insecurities and negative self ratings, i over-analyze to the point of insanity, i smile only because it is polite, I haven't truly laughed in years, sometimes a can't move my body because i am so trapped with negativity, like i am possessed, i am tormented everyday by the unfair chemical imbalances plaque my mind........I think about killing myself more often....I have been depressed for 8 years.....I am a 20 year old chain smoker, major depressive who has never been laid,.....i have reached the bottom of the hole.....i think it must be inevitable for me to kill myself....god creates people like me to kill theirselves..........i am a well off college student with all the opportunities in the world but i feel like a starving child in africa.....all i want is to be happy...all i want is to wake up everyday and love the world....but everyday it seems the world doesn't want to love me

Answer 1

Dude, this may seem harsh, but suicide is only inevitable if you make it so.  I have little confidence.  I over-analyze myself.  I used to be a depressed kind of person.  But I got tired of thinking about those horrible things.  Life can be beautiful.  And I don't want my chance for life ruined by any stupid chemical imbalances.  Killing yourself will be more of a loss than a gain.  God creates people to live.  He only gives you the chance ONCE.  Make a list of the people who love you.  There is SOMEONE.  Make a list of your positive attributes.  There is SOMETHING.  (And watch some comedy movies like Austin Powers.  I'm not being a smart-***.  I'm serious.  Just cool off and laugh at them.  Stop caring about the negativity.  It will make you feel SOOOOO much better.)

Answer 2

HI Harry,

After reading your entire question.... and I got to the part where you say you feel like a starving child in africa,   I thought about something.    Perhaps you feel bad because you are not happy with your life... because there is not enough in it at this time.  

I thought perhaps you could go to africa and work with the starving children.   The more you give of yourself... the more you get in terms of fulfillment and happiness.   I am a college graduate as is my daughter, so I advocate higher education...  but in your case... perhaps right now, an education is not doing anything positive for you.   You could join a missionary and give your service to people who need people like you.

Let me tell you a little story.  When I was teaching,  I had a student that was an absolute terror.   He was one of the worst discipline problems in the school... and of course, he was miserable with himself.  No one liked him.... not teachers or principal or students.  He hated life and tried to do everything he could to get in trouble.    I thought it about it while and then decided to try something.  I assigned him to be the cafeteria monitor.  After he finished eating he would put on a vest and monitor the cafeteria.   He picked up the papers and walked around helping people or asking them to stay quiet.   It was not long that his entire personality changed.  He had a purpose and he did his job with pride and enthusiasm.   When he was given the opportunity to contribute,  he turned negative behavior into positive.

Now I know this is not your story... but it applies.   Give yourself something to accomplish.... to feel good about.  IT WILL change your life in ways you could not imagine.  At the age of 20, no one is going to do it for you.  

Don't end your life....   End your sorrow!!    Turn your insecurities into someone else's security... be someone's security.   When you learn to love yourself.... you will be loveable - and someone wonderful will find you to love.

Thanks for reading.

God did not create you to kill yourself... He created you to share yourself...  even if you have never thought of it and are not ready....  he must be ready for you to give... otherwise,  you would not have posted your question for sincere advice.

Blessings to you.

Answer 3

I think you've started thinking about this too much. Try looking outside of yourself- get involved with something. If nothing is making your life worth living, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! It's up to you! You have a passion- everyone does- is it creative like art, music, writing, etc? is it intellectual like science, mathematics, or linguistics? is it social like business, politics, or religion? is it caring like volunteering, serving the community, or helping animals?

Those are just limited ideas in a limitless world. Like you said, God created you. If he had wanted you dead, he would have called you back to him by now! He wants you to fall in love with what he's blessed you with.

Start small! Don't think you're all of a sudden going to love life, quit smoking, and be the absolute perfect person because you're not! But if you start with finding that one thing you love and go to it.

Last of all, be brave- you're worth it!