Is it just me or are a lot of parents selfish?

Question

I have a 7mth old son & if he was sick (even with a slight cold) or if I am going somewhere where I know someone is not well I stay home. Nearly everyone else around me that have young children don't do that. I know my son can get sick from someone passing us in a shop or from me but if I can help it I like to prevent it. I don't like feeling unwell and I know he wouldnt either but everyone else just seems to worry about themselves wanting to get out and socialise. Am I being unreasonable?

Answer 1

I wouldnt say you are being unreasonable!!! you are just a concerned mum!    it is good for your kids to get some germs though..it will get their lil immunities nice and strong!!!  you are lovely to not want your baby to get sick!!!  I have been a nanny for many years and have a 1 yr old now and like him exposed a little bit to some sickness, only because a set of twins i looked after for a little while would get sick all the time because the mum would be soooo sterile and very uptight about germs and the kids always had runnie noses and colds or coughs...but when i was looking after a family of 4 boys for like 4 years they were always exposed to colds and dirt and just every day stuff and really didnt get sick much at all!!  my lil man hardly ever gets sick and he was also bottle fed and we are doing great...touch wood!!  people are not selfish for taking their kids out when someone may have a cold, we cant put our lives on hold because our kid may get sick...they may get sick anywhere in life.  It will be ok if your baby is exposed to a little sickness now and then..it will be better for him!!

Answer 2

I can understand you not wanting sick people to be around your baby.  People should know better.  However, as your child gets older, you may change your mind about taking him out w/ a slight cold.  I agree w/ the person who says you should check w/ another parent and let them know if your child has a cold.  My friends and I always do that, and I've gotta say, more times than not, we still get together if it's only a little cold.  We're not selfish parents, we just know that kids are going to get sick and it's actually good to get colds when they're younger to help build up their immunity.  A slight cold is a completely different story than the flu, though.  Most kids can't afford to miss school for a slight cold.  They just need to be taught proper hygeine!!!

Answer 3

I am with you. My 18 day old son who is still in the special care nursery at my hospital has just come down with something today and we think it might have come from me :( I didn't even feel sick until about the same time he started to show that he was sick. If he can get sick where hardly anybody sees him, imagine being around people who are knowingly sick! Im just glad my daughter (they are twins) didn't catch it too.

Answer 4

when my child is sick we stay home.but since she is in daycare and I work she is around other children all the time who may have colds I can't avoid that. all I can do is make sure my child stays as healthy as possible. and if you don't go places on the slight chance that someone else there is going to be sick how are you going to have a social lif? I can understand not wanting your child to get sick but it's going to happen. and what are you going to do when he gets older home school him? seriously.

Answer 5

I bet this is your first one.

We are always extra paranoid with our first not that I'm saying it'a a bad thing . You're usually less worried when the next one comes

Answer 6

No way, your being the opposite, and great, loving and caring Mom. If more Moms were like you than we wouldn't have so many kids getting sick from each other since they seem to be out even when they are sick and pass it along to all the other kids. Good for you for watching out for your little one. I took my son (18 months at the time) out of my-gym because everytime I went there was a kid with  runny nose and touching everything and putting toys in their mouth, then every week my son would get sick.) I got pregnant and canceled my membership since I don't want to get sick either. Geez there was a huge sign on the wall in there too saying if your child is sick they are not allowed to participate, and still every time, there was a sick kid. So annoying!!! I totally know what you mean. My son hasn't been sick since we stopped going.:)

Answer 7

Hey there, I know how you feel and no way you are not being unreasonable. I am the same, and just hate it when people or kids with colds are near my kids.

My baby is just 9 weeks old (he is the youngest) and even just a few weeks old there were people with colds who wanted to get really close to him!! These people were also parents - I dont get it....

Anyway dont feel bad about not going out if your bub has a sniffle, or keeping him away from sick people. Good on you for being a concerned parent. Just stay assertive with anyone wanting to get close to your bub if they are sick.

Answer 8

parents always want whats best for their children, noone wants their child to be harmed. However, being sick is a part of life, and getting a cold wont destroy you. Its good to be precautious, but it might make you family members or friens distant from you, because people are always going to be sick. Will you miss an important wedding, thanksgiving dinner, birthday party etc just because someone at the occassion is sick? BTW when your son will be in school how can you guarentee every child in the class is free of a flu, or chicken pox. Think about it.

Answer 9

its not just you.

i knwo this friend of mine , she holds parties in winter outside with the kids running around while she is falling over drunk, im not saying she isnt a good mother but when it comes to partying she puts it first over her child

now as for me i have been invited so manytimes and she doesnt understand why i dont go and i dont knwo how to tell her .

so yeah trust me responsible parents will put the health of their child first or their wellbeing but unfortunately some parents dont

thanks for raising this issue

Answer 10

I think that it is not fair to judge.  I hear so much that our society is selfish.  But what I really see is that people feel guilty when they self-nurture. People, especially women, give and give and they feel guilty and selfish when they actually take care of themselves.

As for myself and sick kids... I am a single mom and I still have to work, I still have to shop... whether I am sick or whether my kids are sick. You may have the opportunity to send a husband shopping or to get medication. You may have family close by that can help you out. But many of us don't have that privilege. Please don't judge.

Answer 11

I was the same way when my kids were little. I couldn't understand why people always brought sick kids to go out.

I was given so many excuses as to why you should go anyway.

If the world stayed home when they were sick, there would be a lot less illness where we live and work and play

Answer 12

No ! Definitely not , you are not been unreasonable, they

are , i agree with you, when my children were younger, i

would not go anywhere with a sick child.

But not just that,  my thoughts first were for my child feeling

unwell would not fare too good , doing shopping , visiting

people and so on !  So how can people be so selfish ?

Only earlier today i saw a baby , it looked only 2 weeks old

if that in her mums arms, she was an untidy looking person,and the people she was talking to looked worse ! And

what actually made me turn my head to that direction in the

first place.... was this dreadful cough from one of the people

she was talking to...I was so alarmed ! How can a mum do that ? The baby barely born and she couldn't care less to

expose it out like that .

I didn't move from home i think for the first 3 months , except

for immediate family.

Answer 13

No... I'm with you. When I first came home from the hospital my aunty and cousins came to visit and I didn't know until they turned up that her youngest had a cold. She even told him to give my daughter a kiss!!... needless to say, I politely asked her not to let him near her.

It's probably unreasonable to expect everyone that is sick to quarantine themselves but using a bot of common sense like covering mouth and nose when sneezing/coughing and then washing hands before touching things is not too much to expect... nor is being mindful of young children when you are sick and not visiting and not getting too close

Answer 14

No, you are not being unreasonable. You are being considerate.

Many parents do not seem to realize that their sick children can infect people far less able to fight infection than their overall healthy kids. I work with immunodeficient adults. It's amazing how many parents of young children will think nothing of bringing their sick kids to *visit* said adults, never considering that what may be only a one-day's runny nose for their child could represent a long, lingering illness or even death for a compromised adult.

Answer 15

If you stay home everytime your child is sick, you will never be able to go anywhere.  The considerate thing to do is if you are going somewhere and the child will be in direct contact with people for a longer period of time - say for instance a visit to a friends house, then say to them "My child is sick, are we OK to come over or not?" Here in Australia at least, the answer usually is "No" or "Yes, we've already had the flu so should be OK."

Maybe now I am being a cow but it almost sounds to me as though you are using his illnesses as an excuse not to go out and do things.  If I'm wrong I apologise for being mean.

Answer 16

No you are being quite sane actually. I was like that too. I used to get so mad if people came over with sick kids, or were single, had colds and still came over. I usually sent them packing quickly.

Answer 17

It depends. On one hand, obviously you don't let those who are sick to play with or interact with your baby. However, there will be times, be it at the store or at a family function when you just won't be able to control that 100% of those attending are well...

Kids also NEED, for their immune systems to be built strong, to get colds and flus. Kids' bodies are very strong and I can promise, all of mine have had very nasty bugs from various people and they are all well and happy, active kids-4 years, 2 1/2 years, and 15 months old.

If we are CONSTANTLY shielding them from life, then what? What will happen when they haven't built up many antibodies and suddenly, mysteriously catch a bad case of the flu when they're 5 or so? It may be more serious than had they just been getting normal illnesses all along...

I have to say, you are SO right though about one thing, when people with sick kids or who themselves are sick come around without concern for the germs they bring, that makes me SO angry. As if they want to share their misery with the world. And thanks to my aunt/uncle, my kids, then myself, then my husband all caught this HORRIBLE flu about a month ago due to that exact reason... I'm still a little irked by their lack of consideration over that...

Answer 18

No... I'm with you. When I first came home from the hospital my aunty and cousins came to visit and I didn't know until they turned up that her youngest had a cold. She even told him to give my daughter a kiss!!... needless to say, I politely asked her not to let him near her.

It's probably unreasonable to expect everyone that is sick to quarantine themselves but using a bot of common sense like covering mouth and nose when sneezing/coughing and then washing hands before touching things is not too much to expect... nor is being mindful of young children when you are sick and not visiting and not getting too close

No you are being quite sane actually. I was like that too. I used to get so mad if people came over with sick kids, or were single, had colds and still came over. I usually sent them packing quickly.



its not just you.

i knwo this friend of mine , she holds parties in winter outside with the kids running around while she is falling over drunk, im not saying she isnt a good mother but when it comes to partying she puts it first over her child

now as for me i have been invited so manytimes and she doesnt understand why i dont go and i dont knwo how to tell her .

so yeah trust me responsible parents will put the health of their child first or their wellbeing but unfortunately some parents dont

thanks for raising this issue



If you stay home everytime your child is sick, you will never be able to go anywhere. The considerate thing to do is if you are going somewhere and the child will be in direct contact with people for a longer period of time - say for instance a visit to a friends house, then say to them "My child is sick, are we OK to come over or not?" Here in Australia at least, the answer usually is "No" or "Yes, we've already had the flu so should be OK."

Maybe now I am being a cow but it almost sounds to me as though you are using his illnesses as an excuse not to go out and do things. If I'm wrong I apologise for being mean.



I was the same way when my kids were little. I couldn't understand why people always brought sick kids to go out.

I was given so many excuses as to why you should go anyway.

If the world stayed home when they were sick, there would be a lot less illness where we live and work and play

parents always want whats best for their children, noone wants their child to be harmed. However, being sick is a part of life, and getting a cold wont destroy you. Its good to be precautious, but it might make you family members or friens distant from you, because people are always going to be sick. Will you miss an important wedding, thanksgiving dinner, birthday party etc just because someone at the occassion is sick? BTW when your son will be in school how can you guarentee every child in the class is free of a flu, or chicken pox. Think about it.

Hey I am with you all the way. There are too many people out there that do think of themselves before their children and I think it is disgusting. Keep up with what you are doing as I am pretty sure you do think of your child first before yourself.

I'm with you...there's no reason to bring your child somewhere and basically intenionally get him sick because you know someone else is. Kids are gonna get sick, but I'd rather not be the one that is throwing my healthy kid in a room full of sick children. Being sick is no fun, and I'm considerate enough to keep my kid away from other kids when she is sick as well.

Oh and for the ones that say "you're just using it as an excuse not to go anywhere or do anything" umm think how you feel when you're sick? Do you want someone dragging you to the store, the park, or somewhere for a play date? No, you want to rest. Why should it be any different for you child?

  

No way, your being the opposite, and great, loving and caring Mom. If more Moms were like you than we wouldn't have so many kids getting sick from each other since they seem to be out even when they are sick and pass it along to all the other kids. Good for you for watching out for your little one. I took my son (18 months at the time) out of my-gym because everytime I went there was a kid with runny nose and touching everything and putting toys in their mouth, then every week my son would get sick.) I got pregnant and canceled my membership since I don't want to get sick either. Geez there was a huge sign on the wall in there too saying if your child is sick they are not allowed to participate, and still every time, there was a sick kid. So annoying!!! I totally know what you mean. My son hasn't been sick since we stopped going.:)

Answer 19

Weird. I find your reasoning weird.

The reason your child keeps getting sick is probably lack of introduction of germs. Germs are healthy as well as harmful. The only way to build a strong immune system is by being subjected to outside germs. Of course to an extent.

You sound like one of those people who can't balance a social life and a baby. Your immature.

Answer 20

its a hard question... if your child isnt exposed to illness, it will mean when he gets older and he gets sick, symptoms will probably be worse and he will be more suceptable than other kids because he hasnt had any chance to build an immunity.

sickness is a part of life, but i do understand where your coming from with people thinking its ok to be sick around others, i think thats everyone though, not just around babies.

Answer 21

Hey I am with you all the way.  There are too many people out there that do think of themselves before their children and I think it is disgusting.  Keep up with what you are doing as I am pretty sure you do think of your child first before yourself.   Congratulate you.

Answer 22

I'm with you...there's no reason to bring your child somewhere and basically intenionally get him sick because you know someone else is. Kids are gonna get sick, but I'd rather not be the one that is throwing my healthy kid in a room full of sick children. Being sick is no fun, and I'm considerate enough to keep my kid away from other kids when she is sick as well.

Oh and for the ones that say "you're just using it as an excuse not to go anywhere or do anything" umm think how you feel when you're sick? Do you want someone dragging you to the store, the park, or somewhere for a play date? No, you want to rest. Why should it be any different for you child?