Is it legal to contact the adoptee parents before child turns 18 in:?

Question

..The state of NJ??? For a Question reguarding whether or not adopted child was told he was adopted. Please answer if you KNOW NJ law.** I post this question for the birth parents. Thank you.

Answer 1

Any time you know their phone # if you ask me.

Answer 2

Its "legal" to contact the adoptee's adoptive parents and/or the adoptee. HOWEVER, its also legal for the adopters to put a restraining order against you so that you CAN'T legally contact the adoptee until he/she is age of marjority ( 18-21 depending on the state, i don't know NJ's adult age )

So, if it was ME, i would contact the aparents respectfully, and possibly even by mail ( certified so you know someone signs for it and who ) and respect whatever their wishes are ( even if you're pissed about an illegal adoption like it "sounds" happened? ) and if they're not "open" to it, then I'd wait until the adoptee is 18 and contact him personally.

Answer 3

it's not about NJ.  you can contact if you have the info to do so.

it's a free country with free speech.

Answer 4

Hi Dave,

Yes, it is legal.  When parents relinquish custody of a child in any state, it is not an order of protection against anyone.  It is only giving up the legal responsibility to parent the child, nothing more.  

There is a myth out there that adoption means a parent is agreeing to never see their child again.  That's simply not in the relinquishment papers.  And it's not law anywhere.  Adoption does not erase a parent's love and concern for their child either.  

If the adoptee is still a minor, I'd advise a sensible approach such as contacting the adoptive parents first.  I believe most of them these days expect the day will come when the adoptee & the natural family will reunite, and they encourage that if the adoptee is receptive.  Sometimes the adoptive parents are afraid or angry for whatever reason and demand that the natural family members not have contact.  If this happens, then there really is nothing else that can be done until the adoptee turns 18.

Although it is not illegal to make contact, the only way there may be some gray area is if you are talking about an adoption where the parental rights were involuntarily terminated by a court proceeding.  In that case, the natural family should wait until the adoptee turns 18, without contacting the adoptive family before that.

Good luck to you and your wife.

julie j

Answer 5

100 % legal.

I did it & my daughters are 16. I contacted the amom, not my daughters, and she has asked that I not be in touch for the next couple of years. Heart wrenching sure, but out of love & concern for my daughters I will respect her wishes, for 2 more years, and then I will probably be contacting them directly.

Answer 6

It is legal.  I think you are doing the right thing by contacting the APs though rather than the children directly.  Although we originally had an open agreement with our son's bio parents, they chose to close it.  I personally would not feel comfortable if his bio parents tried contacting him before 18 without my knowledge or consent (consent only because of the neglect he suffered before and after birth).  

On a sidenote...As for trickery in adoption in NJ - I just want you to know that I do BELIEVE you as I witnessed what the state of NJ tried to do to my son's bio family and it was absolutely appalling!

Answer 7

Perfectly legal in all states.  In cases of open adoption, you would have to look to whatever contract you signed and whether the a-parents have already breached it (by no longer remaining in contact, for instance).

As far as whether the child knows they are adopted or not, you have to be sure that you have the right child. I know from an adoptee who found out that they were adopted (a-parents didn't tell him) that he would rather know the truth than continue with a lie that everybody in his extended a-parent family knew except him (and he was 16).

Answer 8

Everything depends on the conditions of the adoption.

If the child was adopted through the foster care system it may be that the bio family is not allowed to seek contact with the child without consent of the adoptive parents before they are 18.  Even if the adoption was private and through an agency the bio parents may have had to sign a contract included when they reliquished that states what contact they are allowed to pursue and when.

You should double check the conditions of the adoption before you make any contact.  You may end up being charged with trespassing, harrassment, or something similar.

Answer 9

not sure if its totally legal, but you would need the adoptive parents permission. Where when the child is over 18 or 21 (depending on local rules) then you don't need permission.