Is it likely that we can adopt?

Question

I am a 22 (almost 23) year old mother of 3. My husband is 23 years old and we have been married over 3 years. We both are perfectly capable of having more biological children but feel we can do more for the world (especially a child) by adopting. I have only looked into it briefly but am passionate about it. Most agencies want you to be a certain age (generally over 27). I also am fond of the closed adoption cases... but with those there is no medical background? I guess what it comes down to is this... Do you think we have a chance? and have any of you adopted at this age?

Answer 1

You are probably going to have to choose between adopting right away and a closed adoption. There may be US agencies, particularly the sort that just warehouse information and let the birth mothers pick the scrapbook that most appeals to them, that will allow you to adopt or you could try to arrange something privately but those are often open adoptions.

If you want a closed adoption, you will likely have to wait until you meet the age requirements and you may even have to chose an International Program.  

Answer 2

Some reading suggestions for you before you adopt:

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

Answer 3

I always recommend Children's Division, even if you think it's going down hill.  

Answer 4

Adopting in the US is a little more likely for your ages. International adoption age requirements are some of the following:

China 30-45 married 2yrs

Albania: 25-50 married varies

Columbia: 25-38 married 3 yrs

Guatemala: ages can vary marriage varies also

Haitie: 30-50 married 5yrs with not more than one divorce

Hong Kong: 25-50 married 3 yrs

Kazakhstan: no more than 45 married no less than 2 yrs

Lithuania: 25-48 married varies

Philippines: 27-45 married 3yrs

Russia: no more than 45 married varies

Ukraine: no more than 45 married varies

Uzbekistan: no more than 45 married varies

Etheopia: 25-45 married 1yr min, but 5yrs preferred

Because you already have kids, there are different requirements (I think they are more accepting if you already have kids) but I'm not sure what they are.

However old the child is you decide to adopt is up to you and you will be helping any child you adopt but the waiting periods for "infants" does seem to be longer. There's  some great resources like the Dave Thomas Foundation (the guy who started Wendy's) for adopting from US and foster care and there's tons of resources available for research. Talk to an adoptive couselor to find out  what the likely hood of being able to adopt at younger ages and with children already in the family. You don't have to commit to one agency when doing your research. Many are very happy to answer your questions without expecting a commitment from you.

Good luck and research as much as you possible can!

I am going to look up those books posted since we are looking into adopting also! Thanks for that post.

Answer 5

You won't do more for the world by adopting a healthy newborn in a private agency adoption. I have to be blunt about that.

These newborns are not going to be left without homes. Some newborns genuinely do need to be placed away from the biological family, but people sit on waiting lists for months or years for these babies. They are very, very wanted by adoptive parents. They will not have any trouble finding a good and loving family. Often even before these babies are born, people are dying to adopt them.

If you want to adopt a baby, that's your choice, but please don't see it as a humanitarian act. These babies are very, very desired by many people.

If you really want to provide a home for a child in need of a family (bearing in mind that once you do so, the child you adopt is your child, and doesn't owe you any more gratitude or affection than a biological child would,) then you should look into adoption from state foster care.  Many of these children are legally free for adoption, meaning the rights of their biological parents have already been terminated, and they will not be taken away from your family if you wish to adopt them.

Foster children often wait in care for years for families. Many times they age out without ever finding one. If you want to provide a home to a child who needs a family and may otherwise never have one, you should consider adopting a foster child.

Answer 6

I was 29 when I adopted my son, but you won't know til you try.  at least get your name in.  you can get medical information about the child's birth family, just not a lot of detail.