Is it me or is my husband just a jerk?

Question

So I'm 27, 5'4 and wear a size 4 petite in clothes. I've always though of myself as a slender...Pretty average size.

Now my husband is constantly telling me that I am fat and whenever I eat something he tells me that I should put down the food and go to the gym. Last night he told me that my rear has doubled in size over the past year (funny how I haven't changed clothing size).

I know I am not fat, and think he is just trying to get under my skin, but after so long I start to wonder...Is a size 4 normal? Am I not seeing something?

My honest opinion is that he is just trying to get under my skin and be a jerk...Why would he do that though? I don't get it. I'm no model, but I work in Manhattan and definitely have my fare share of men hit on me.

Do you think my husband is just being a jerk or am I missing something?

Answer 1

He is trying to make you insecure so that you have low self esteem.  This is really a ploy to make you feel low and he can control you more.  Don't fall for it.  Stand up for yourself and let him know you find it unacceptable for him to say those things just to control you.

Answer 2

He's trying to make you feel insecure enough so that you don't wander away with someone else.  He's hoping to erode your self-esteem.  So, yes, a jerk.  Ya know, if it was me in this situation, I'd pad my rear to about 4 times it's normal size and meet him at the door one night, looking normal from the front, greet him with a kiss, and then turn and walk away from him.  The scream from him would be worth it.  After all, he says you're fat, give him fat!

Answer 3

SOmething is happening with him...check things out and dont get hurt.  that is so rude

Answer 4

You are a good size, your husband sounds very insecure and like you said "trying to put u in your place" dont put up with it, if guys are hitting on you all the time then go for it!

Answer 5

You are actually skinnier than the average woman.  Don't let your husband give you a complex about your weight and yes he's being a jerk.  Most American women at your height weighs about 156 lbs.  If you were 156 lbs, there's no way you'd fit into a petite size 4.  Seriously.  What about your husband?  Does he have the perfect athletic body with six-pack abs?  I doubt it.  And if he did, his comments are still completely uncalled for.  Each time he insults you, tell him to stop putting you down.  Tell him that what will make you want to stay in the marriage is if he loves and respects you NOT him trying to give you a low self-esteem.

Answer 6

he should lov you no matter is your size. Tell him that he is getting fat too

Answer 7

1 ur not fat

2 hes a jerk

3 he wants you all to youself and that he wants you to be perfect ( in his eyes)

good luck :D

Answer 8

I'm a guy, and guys can be jerks sometimes.  Is this the only jerking thing he's doing?  If no, then he's probably just being a jerk; figure out why, address it with him, and the comments should go away.  But if he's not being a jerk besides those comments, then I doubt he has decided to only be a partial jerk, so that would mean that he really means the comment.  If you are confident that you haven't really changed in size or shape, then I suggest you have a sit-down talk with him and show him an old picture of you wearing a pair of pants that you still have, and be wearing those same pants and show him they still fit fine, and then ask him why he thinks you've gained weight.

Answer 9

what a jerk! ofcourse size 4 is pretty normal i dont know but i think that when someone trully loves you he/she should love you the way you are. I dont think i could stand a person like that, i mean where's the support.

Answer 10

Check his computer - sounds like he's into porno. Also could be having an affair and trying to justify it to himself.

Answer 11

It sound's like your additional details, sums up his problems. He's trying to make you unsure of yourself, so that you won't wander away, from him.

He's being insecure, plus being a jerk big time. No one, should say those thing, to the one they love.

PS, I have no idea what a 4 dress size is, but assuming it's not big.

And as you haven't changed dress sizes, it has to mean that you haven't put on that much weight if any.

Answer 12

No, you are not fat. He is a jerk. I would love to date a size 4.

Answer 13

Your husband is a jerk because size 4 is a normal size and I am that size.  My husband thinks that he is a jerk too.  He is insecure because you are pretty and Hooters hires pretty women. I was a stripper in college and I broke up with my 1st husband because he had the nerve to call me fat. You are not fat!

Answer 14

i honestly think he's a jerk. a size 4 petite is not big at all!  he's the one who's insecure and needs to stop telling you these things... ask him if he'd still love you if you gained 50 pounds after possibly having a child.

Answer 15

I agree with Sandi. What he is doing is kind of suspicious and she's right, people do start to find fault in their mates when they are at fault for something. It's a cover up and I'd suggest you find out whats going on. Size 4 is petite and at 5'4" you can't possibly have a huge rear. Come on!!! Maybe he needs a wake up call hon. Don't stand there and take it!

Answer 16

yes

it's one thing men do to try.. and notice i said try... to keep a good women ( like you ) in line

by putting you down and making you feel insecure he figures you will not explore your options ( like divorce or having an affair ) and thus possible leave him

he is extremely insecure and has trouble ( as you now see ) forming positive relationships

as such he is ill suited to be married if he cannot appreciate you

i say divorce him in a New York Minute ( no pun intended ) and found out how much better you can get out of life

you'll find if men are still hitting on you, then you still have plenty of s*x appeal to the opposite s*x

Answer 17

im so jelous of u i am 5'5" and im a sz 7 i want my husband to tell me how i look at least ur hubby looks @ ur *** and u say he told u that ur *** has doulbled over the yrs then shake your fat *** in his face and tell him hes sleepn on th floor in the livingroom lol  and of course walk around the house naked for a few3 days then dat will show him who's BOSS

Answer 18

I am a guy and even think he is a jerk, sorry to say it.

and no you are not missing something. looks he is trying to find a way to p**s you off big time.

Answer 19

he sounds to me like an ********

Answer 20

At 5'4" you are more than normal and your husband is being an insecure jerk .

If I had to guess he is probably afraid that because you do look good he is afraid that some one might steal you away from him .

I would tell him to shut the h**l up and stop being an insecure jerk , that you know better .  

Good grief what does he want any way ? A wife that is anorexia ?

Every time he starts running his mouth just laugh at him .

If he continues you might want to consider leaving and find some one that appreciates how good you look .

Answer 21

he's being an a** and your size is fine maybe you should check to see what is appealing to him if it isn't you he sounds very guilty to me.

Answer 22

He is an absolute jerk!

He may very well be insecure.....or having an affair. Men become quite hateful when they are involved with someone else. They have to justify the affair in their minds, so the wife becomes fat, or a bad mother, or never listens to them, or treats them like c**p...blah blah blah...they rewrite history so to speak.

Regardless to what his angle is, he is absolutely a jerk and has no right to say such hurtful things to you!

Answer 23

He is insecure as you say and you are obviously too gorgeous for him thats why he puts you down.

He is one of those men that cant take being with someone too good for them so they try to bring that person down with insults, I know I was married to one like that.

Note - I said WAS married to someone like that.

You will wait of course until he drives you crazy before you divorce him but my guess is you will and I would not blame you, you will lose all your self esteem and confidence and he will bring you down to his level.

Good luck for the future and I think its only a matter of time before your realise your own worth.