Is it mean to break up with a terminally ill boyfriend?

Question

I am 30 years old female dating a boyfriend for 3 years. We had a good relationship until 1 year ago he got cancer. I was very sad and cried everyday, i really wanted to support him, however recently i felt more and more trapped, he had 2 recurrance during the past year, I am so scared and tired, my dream is to have an active spouse,lots of travelling and couple of kids one day, but this will not be fulfilled if i stay, should I leave him to persue my dream, or should i support him forever?

Answer 1

Personally I think you are so selfish and lack true love.

Good thing you'll are not married. Do yourself and your next lover a favor don't get marry until you'vee

learned what true love and commitment means. People like you scare me. I know that you are not bound to him as if you were married but what gets me about your situation is that you'vee been with this man for three years passing the time table of doubt in the relationship. I believe after a year in the relationship you should be expecting marriage. What were you hanging around for after the second year into this relationship?

Answer 2

well it's really difficult but talk to him about it, if he feels he needs help, pay for a carer or something but if he agree's. or honestly wants you to do it then go ahead but if he's really strongly against it then think clearly before doing it x

Answer 3

It is a hard choice. I would leave if it is for both your best interest. My woman is terminal and I am struggling to stay with her. I don't know what I will do. Luck.  

Answer 4

it is mean and he'll probably never for give you for it. UNLESS he feels the same way about you. Just be honest with him, have a talk with him and move on. Be very sensitive about leaving him. you're just being honest with yourself.

Answer 5

do you still love him? this is the question you need to ask yourself. regardless of the situation.

i'm sure he is not himself anymore and i wonder if, in his case, he even cares about a relationship anymore when he doesn't even know if he will live any longer. you could support him as a friend if you wish, or leave that to his family.

Answer 6

I am sorry but how could you be so selfish?

You are making this all about you, and it can't always be all about you, I agree you need to look after yourself but have you stopped and thought about what his dreams are? you aren't the one who is sick and worried about how long you could be sick for, or how long you could be alive. I can assure you that right now he is going through more than you could possible imagine, and you are thinking of your problems. Have you considered getting counseling to help you deal with the fact that your boyfriend is terminally ill? there are plenty of support for people like you. If you have been with him for 3 years then I assume you at least care about him. even love him a little and if you want to get married and have children one day you have to learn to be able to be unselfish and make sacrifices, because if you don't, you would be nowhere near ready to have those two things. Relationships are about love and support, and thats what you should be doing for your boyfriend, both of you can get help, and help each other through this, people do it everyday, and so can you.

Answer 7

if your intentions when you entered the relationship the ones you have now, then I would have to say, I am sorry but you are selfish! Ever heard of standing by the ones you love? How would you feel if you were in his position? I don't think you would be too delighted yourself if your partner just upped and left because you were unwell! I think he may feel trapped. I think her may feel hopeless and I think he may feel like he won't realise his dreams. Hows about that? The irony of it all! Pull your finger out and be a nice person! I know in my heart that you can because you asked this question. Somewhere, deep inside you is a lovely person. LET IT SHOW!

my best wishes to you both.

Answer 8

Well, just look at it this way, 'He is going to dump you', just abandon you by his leaving you.

So, you could wait and claim this as a status ~ giving you and added value.

As to your words ....> or should i support him forever? < How long is 'forever' then? In your terms? Is it shorter than 'a long time' or what!

I'm Sorry to appear to maybe seem mean to you, but it strikes me that 'words' seem easily to slip from your tongue and, I suspect, have little or vary rare values to them.



I hope this helps.

Sash.

Answer 9

Love comes from within. If you would have been married the vows would have said for better or worse and in sickness and in health would you have left then to for fill your dream.  Do you not love him dear. You said it was good until he got sick. Why would that change? You can still pursue your dream after he is gone. He needs you now more than ever. Put your self in his place. I know it's hard. Ask God to help you and pray more than ever he will comfort you.  Read Joshua 1:9  it helped me get through a most trying time in my life. God bless you

Answer 10

Okay, you can't break up with him because he has cancer. HOWEVER you cannot stay with him because he has it either. Are you happy in your relationship at all? You need to think about things.

If you leave him you will probably regret it though.

Answer 11

You don't have forever with him.

You didn't mention love.

It's mean to pretend to love someone if you don't.

If you do love him, you will end up punishing yourself indefinitely for a perceived wrong-doing if you go.

Take care of you.

Answer 12

i hate to say this but:there is no future,if you ever ever talked about marriage,you broke your vows before you even got down the isle.  Though sickness and health,well your ready to bail on him.now when he needs u the most u want to leave,wrong.  he needs all the support u can give.if u love him,like u did before he was sick,u would stay.  but if u really need to break his heart ,go ahead,thar will be great for him,make him worse and see how bad he will get.who knows if he will live long,sorry to say that. dont u want him to be happy till the end.  i do see your point,i really do,but think how this will effect him.  and if u leave and something happens,will u blame yourself for it,cuse u were not there when he needed u? sorry just trying to give you prespective..

Answer 13

when someone very close to you becomes ill u should always support them it is if they r ur family u would look after them so y not ur boyfriend? you should stay with him because he will need ur support all the time so he can get better and hoefully beat it which im sure e will but honestly stay with him so he knows u still love him and want to be with him otherwise this will upset him if u do leave and might make him struggle to become well but please for yours and his sake stay with him

hope this helps

Answer 14

Well... if you were in his shoes and he left for the reasons you just gave, how would you feel?  I don't blame you for how you feel, but if it's only been 1 year and you're already tired of it, it doesn't sound like you'd make a very good spouse yourself.  Maybe you're not meant for a real relationship.  You may not get everything you want right now, but at least you know you have the years ahead of you to get it... he doesn't.  I'm sure if he had the choice to sacrifice some of his time for someone with cancer, or die in the next year or two, he'd choose to be "trapped".  I'm not trying to judge you, but "mean" isn't exactly how I'd describe it.  Cruel and a little selfish seems more appropriate.  If he's actually terminally ill, you wont be supporting him "forever".  Most likely a few years.  If not, and he recovers, then you have nothing to worry about.  But at least you wont be abandoning him to die alone so you can "travel and have a more active spouse"... think it through.

1- 10 years?  This is what the doctors told you?  They must not be very experienced with whatever type of cancer he has.  Surely they can narrow that window down.  If they're talking 10 years it sounds like they most likely see a decent opportunity for recovery.  Either way, it all depends what you think life is really about.  Do you think persuing your fantasy life is what it's about?  Or do you think there's some things which are more important.  Either way you only have one shot at it.  It depends if your conscience would let you enjoy your "more active" life if you knew in the back of your mind you left a man you apparently cared about to possibly die alone of a horrible disease so you could do what you wanted.  And always remember that even if you pursued your "dreams", very rarely do people's lives turn out how they imagined they would.  That's life's biggest practical joke... just be sure of what you decide to do... it could haunt you later in life.

Answer 15

I think if he loves and cares about you , He would want you to do what makes you happy, and encourage you to fulfill your dreams . Just because he is handicapped dose not mean you should be!

Answer 16

When you dated, had you ever felt that you can't live without him?

If yes, then continue, else just break.

He is carrying cancer and you are carrying dilemma. The difference between them is just BIOLOGY.

Answer 17

I was on the opposite side of your situation.  I was in my late twenties when I was diagnosed with cancer.  You know what was the first question every doctor and nurse asked me? 'Are you married'?  I replied no on a couple of occasions, and began wondering why such a question all the time, and why everyone said 'good' as if that was GOOD.  When I asked why this question, to a certain no-nonsense nurse, she replied:  'Because your wife or girlfriend is going to leave you.  It always happens in these cases.'  

And THAT IS LIFE.  Life is not fair, and you have to look out for yourself.  His life might come to a sudden end.  And where is that going to leave you?  It sounds cruel, but that is life.  You have dreams that might not be fulfilled under the current circumstances.  It's sad, I know, but you can't stay behind hoping and wishing for the best, and not purse those dreams.  Live for the here and now, not for the could or might be's.

I survived cancer, and because of that, am not much of a traveler anymore.  I am not as active as I used to be and that's a fact in certain cases of cancer, if not all.  There's a ton of things I can't do anymore, but hey, that's life.

As to children, I'd rather nor even think or say anything about it.

I hope you make the best decision for yourself.  I also hope that my reply doesn’t confuse you more.

Answer 18

This is a very difficult question to answer. It is also a difficult one to decide and even more difficult to do. A real test of your love. When you began seeing him, you had this beautiful dream of a family doing family things. I am sure he did too. You were so inlove and then the axe came down and the realization that that dream would not come true. I'm sure he did too. But all he can think about is making it through the next month. I am sure that this is not the life he would have wanted for you too. But he doesnt need someone staying with him out of pity. That would be too much for him. He needs love and support. Someone who though isnt married to him knows that love is enduring. In sickness and in health. Words you might have said should you have married. Would you have considered a divorce if he was diagnosed after marriage. Yahoo can give you advice. What you need is a counsellor to help you sort out your guilt and frustrations. Maybe this is not a situation that you can handle. Be honest with yourself. It will be better for the both of you.  

Answer 19

Think about it..empathize with him.

You're the one he loves, and if you were him, don't you think you'd want to spend your last few weeks/months with the one you love?

I would suggest that you introduce him to someone, but I'm not sure how long he has to live and it may be too short for them to get to know each other.. Plus, you have the rest of your life to live the life you've wanted, take this chance to be there for him before he passes on.

The worst pain in the world is to die alone. =/

Answer 20

Is it mean, No it is not.

Why would you think it would be mean, are you breaking up with him because he is sick or because you two have growing apart? It sounds like it is grown apart, that may be caused from his illness but nun the less it has happened. Ask yourself this if you were in his shoes would you want him to stay, if he was unhappy?

Just be honest and tell him what is going on, it may hurt him but if he cares for you at all he will want you to be happy.

Answer 21

If you really love him then stay.  If you love ur dream more than your-almost-die boyfriend then just leave him to death. The choice is in your hand choose wisely

Answer 22

I broke with my gf, she has cerebral palsy. The only thing she could say was ugggggggg  yaaaa!