Is it moral to try to obtain a baby for adoption online?

Question

I know it's legal, but is it morally correct to try to solicit a child from women on the Internet?

Seems strange that here in the US, it is illegal to buy human organs, like a kidney, but people can offer money to pregnant women to give their child away?

Does this seem wrong to you?

Answer 1

its not wrong to find information online about different options and possibilities on the subject of adoption BUT its wrong to solicit a child online - its very impersonal and degrading to the child (even if he/she don't know)

what is best is to seek help from your social welfare department and explore different options together... also try to seek different  legitimate organizations on adoptions so you will know the ins and outs from those who already experienced the process.

in terms of payment  depends again on your arrangement but adoption will involve money for the process etc. and maybe for the biological mother, but if all is done legally it would be reasonable... organ donation is legal but there are many who wants to do it the other way because it pays more and they should be stopped.

Answer 2

It may be legal in the U.S. at this time, just like buying cars, clothing, pets, and numerous other items online is legal.  That doesn't make it right.  As an adoptee, I find the practice of soliciting a baby online extremely offensive.  Advertising in newspapers for babies is not appealing either.

  Babies are HUMANS, there should be a higher standard for human beings than what is available online for commodities.  It's especially distasteful when you factor in the solicitors who want, not just any baby, but all the requests for specific genders, nationalities, ages, eye color, etc. and they want to obtain that person fast & at the lowest price possible.  It really sounds a lot like shopping at best, human trafficking at worst.

How do you think that might feel to a baby who grows up and finds out he is where he is today because of an online transaction?  Would you want that to be your reality?  What would you think of a society that allowed that?  What would you think of an adopter who obtained you that way?  Sounds pathetic to me.  A stranger had the resources and the desire, and somebody else's baby was delivered to them.  Sugarcoat it all your want, it still is what it is.  (Or will that end up being yet another "secret" that we will keep from him/her?)  What's next? A rating system like they have on E-Bay?  

While we're on the subject, I'm also not in favor of showing foster children's faces along with their biographies online to prospective adoptive families as well as to the whole world.  I feel that's a terrible invasion of their privacy & it's degrading to their dignity.  No child should have to endure that.

Yes, it all seems very wrong on many levels.

Answer 3

I'm pretty sure that there is not a single state in which it is legal to offer a woman money for her child.

That said,

We met my son's mom on the internet.  It was a fluke, we were getting our documents ready to go to China, when a discussion arose on a listserve we were part of, involving a close friend of ours, and the subject : "Pregnancy"

We knew that our friend was older, and not pregnant, so my husband read the letter.  Turns out that our friend had pushed the wrong button, and sent a post that was meant to be private to the entire list.  She was corresponding with a woman who had become pregnant, and was working with an agency to place her child, and the mom was receiving a TON of flak from others on the list.

We ended up corresponding with her about our decision to adopt, and our history of adoption (hubby and I are both adult adoptees) and eventually, she asked us if we would raise her baby.

Back to the question:

knowing what I know now.... going through an "adoption education" class where they discussed what kind of paper to put your "Dear Birthmother" letter on, and how to design your website to be "birthmother friendly"  (mind you this was a REQUIRED CLASS at the agency she had chosen).  A class where they discussed what words to not say to a birthmother when you met them, and where openness was encouraged... as long as that openness was one picture and letter exchanged through the agency for a hefty fee, once a year, on the adoption anniversary

I've gotta say that no... fishing for a birthmother is not an ethical practice.    And offering her MONEY is illegal.  Even expenses should be illegal.

For that matter, I have a REAL problem with adoption as it is currently practiced in this country.  The laws are antiquidated, the process is corrupt, and I have done what I can to correct this within our own family.  I asked my son's mom to request several copies of his OBC before the adoption was finalized.  She kept at least one, one is in his baby book, and one is in our safety deposit box.  She has copies of his amended BC. The adoption agency would be appalled.  

We maintain a fully open relationship with frequent contact.  She is listed as his guardian in our wills, which have been pre-probated.  (she would have to adopt him!) She's on his emergency cards at school.  We have our copies of all of his adoption records.

If we had known and trusted each other in the beginning, we might have been able to keep the agency out of it, and just dealt with the courts. Certainly if we were to adopt again, we would avoid private agencies at all costs.  Having been lied to and threatened by adoption agencies, I am probably less inclined to trust them than most parents.

My worst nightmare still re-occurs occasionally, even nine years later.  The one where the director of the agency shows up on my doorstep and tells me that we didn't pay enough to keep a human child, and we would have to give him back, but would we like this nice chimp instead?

Answer 4

Maybe not a great moral decision, but when all other avenues are extremely difficult - here in Australia anyway, it's a good option for those who are restricted by the system.

The women who are giving their baby away offer them up for adoption because they aren't able to take care of them for some reason. If these babies can be given a second chance at a decent life it can't be a bad thing.

Answer 5

I don't think so, it's really no different then those that put ads in the paper.  Just now a days, everything is done online, just another option to chose from.  The only thing I'd be skeptic about is being scammed.  I recall reading a story like that a few years back, some woman scammed like 3 couples.

Answer 6

Personally - for me - I don't think it is right.

It's illegal in Australia - both on the internet - and in print press.

I would not like to know that I was bought by the highest bidder online when I grew up as an adoptee.

And as internet pages are all kept out there in cyber space - often even when you delete them - maybe one's adopted child might just chance upon the pages when they grow up.

Scary thought really.

JMHO.

Answer 7

No if someone is willing to give a child a good caring loving home then i think thats all that matters x

Answer 8

No I do not think that it is moral because it circumvents the modicum amount of protection given to first families and adoptees.  As bad as some adoption agencies are, they at least give the pretense of providing counseling to the expectant parent(s) with regards to their rights (AND obligations).  They also are supposed to protect the first family by negotiating open adoption agreements and by maintaining the agreements.  They also try to protect the adoptee and first family by doing a reasonable job at home studies (although it scares me when I read adoptive parents on forums telling newbies that the HS is a "piece of cake).

Also, the adoptive parents are opening the door wide to scams.  Sadly, there are scammers out there who prey on the hopes of adoptive parents - sometimes for money and some sickos scam just for kicks.

The potential for abuse all around is high enough that I think all advertising should be illegal.

Answer 9

Because it's legal doesn't make it right.

In many countries  it is illegal, and for good reason.  No Judge would finalize an adoption that had been solicited in this way.

But in the USA?  it's un unregulated free-for-all and folks can justify that because it's not 'illegal' it must be OK

What does that tell you about values?

Answer 10

No.  Absolutely not.  it is baby buying and if it isn't illegal already, it should be.

I would also suspect that those trolling for babies online do so because they would not pass a homestudy.

Answer 11

All private adoptions seem wrong to me.  I'm glad my adoptive parents did not purchase me, but waited the long wait and did the right thing to get me through the state.  I know things were different then, but if I'd found out I was bought like a piece of furniture, I'd resent my mom and dad.

Answer 12

in some ways yes but really if a mother is willing to sell her child the child is better off with out that mother dont you think.

Answer 13

You can FIND a baby online.  However, you should use a reputable agency or attorney to actually process the appropriate paperwork.  Keep it legal.

Answer 14

Adoption is SUPPOSED to be about providing a home for a child who needs one - not providing a child for people who want one.  

The latter creates a demand for children.  There are roughly 40 people/couples wanting to adopt for every child who is adopted.  That demand is one of the top causes of corruption in the system.  It puts a price on the heads of children which clearly makes them a commodity.  The higher the demand, the higher the price, and the more children are commodified.

I'm willing to bet that most people here aren't aware that adoption agencies have people on their staff whose job it is to hunt down potential "situations."  That is, they go looking for pregnant women who are in a vulnerable state.  This is legal, but hardly moral.

People looking for children or vulnerable pregnant women on the internet is no different - they are just trying to eliminate the middleman and get a child on the cheap.  Such activity is clearly predatory.  

Worse, they are not screened.  God knows agency screening is lax enough as it is.  People who do such things, I think it is safe to say, are psychologically challenged.  BAD idea.  But they get away with it and god knows what those children will be up against.

It's truly chilling.

Answer 15

I don't think that it right for a baby to be made just to be sold.  The US is opening a huge bag of worms if they allow that happen.  I didn't know that was legal.  I thought you paid the adoption agency but I didn't know you could pay the mother.  People would probably start getting a lot of drug withdrawal babies.  The only type of woman who would sell their baby for profit would have to be a junkie!

Answer 16

Here in Australia, it is illegal to adopt not using the government or approved agencies, although in some states surrogacy is legal.