Is it more important to men to support their families or be in them?

Question

I have seen more then my fair share of women raising kids while men go out and earn the money to support them; but is that what they want? If thats what they want why do they complain about women getting custody? I would rather be middle class and have my husband be in my kids life then be upper class and have my husband look like a checkbook.

So men which is more important to you?

Answer 1

I would say be in them. I grew up during a time when many fathers were not really a part of their families. Many of them worked long hours and were usually home after their children were in bed and left before they got up in the morning. Sure, they were around but it was more like they were a visitor than an actual family member. Technically, such a family is really no different than single parent families except for having another income. The mother is left to raise the children as a single parent while the father comes and goes. It's not an ideal family situation.

Answer 2

I want and try to be the bread winner for my family. I would never allow making money take me away from my wife and child, though. In todays world, it is very hard to have a bread winner and a stay at home partner. My wife and I both have to work to pay our bills. If it were possible, I'd have my wife quit her job (which she would love to do) and support my family on my own. Money is so empty as a lover, friend, companion. No amount of money is worth losing out on your kids lives and not being with your wife. I've heard people say they are working now to give their kids a better future. Well, if all you are giving them is money and not love and guidance, how sad is that?

Answer 3

It would be great to be more involved at home and raise the kids, but I feel that my first obligation is to support them. All I can do is make the best of what time I have left.

Answer 4

We are middle-class. My husband is home Satudays and Sundays. He goes to work at 8am and gets off at 5pm.

I think it both important. Obviously if you were both home with no money, you aren't being good examples to your children. But, a father who works all the time is not a good example either. He is showing his kids that work is more important than time with them. I think that my husband's job is a good inbetween.

Answer 5

Well, whats more important to my kids growing up in a safe and healthy environment... having food to eat and a roof over their heads, or having me around while they eat out of the dumpster?

This is more a question of 'wants' vs. 'needs'. Sure, everyone WANTS to have family time. But you have to get NEEDS met first. Once needs are met, "wants" can be fulfilled.

Answer 6

I think that men should be a part of the family and people should learn to live without the Escalade towing the 40' boat, from the 7 bdrm, 5 bath house in the burbs to the mtn lake vacation cabin. Spend more family days together tossing a baseball back & forth at the park or eating ice cream and moon bathing in the starlight.

Answer 7

Both are idealistic.

The breakdown with your assessment is that you're making some provide a choice as though it is an option because of the exceptional cases.

- If a man can't support their families, then they don't eat and are homeless and won't be a family for long.

- If a man is not in the family, then he really isn't supporting the family emotionally.

These are the 2 polar opposites with many falling towards the middle of the spectrum somewhere. However, this issue is not 2-dimensional.... it's a 3-dimensional concept(like a cone), in that some are rich and can still be around the kids all the time, and some must work 60-70 hours a week just to feed their children. Again, I've stated that idealistically, it would be both, but this appears to be a case-by-case basis issue depending on the depth(3rd-dimension) of ability.

Answer 8

Now I know how women felt a 100 years ago...

of course men want to be in their families.  Some of us actually have a heart, soul and blood in our veins.  :)  If you treat us equally, then most of the animosity towards feminism would disappear overnight.

Answer 9

It isn't usually a choice between being middle class and upper class.  More likely it's about having a job or not having a job.  Mandatory overtime is often required of the 'survivors' after a big layoff when the ones remaining have to do the work of the ones who have been terminated.  Sometime it's about needing extra money because a kid needs braces or a medical procedure that isn't covered by health insurance if the family is lucky enough to be insured.  Let's not forget about saving for college and for retirement.  Even the good- paying jobs that people spend years preparing for can be mrerciless in their demands on an employee's time.  Ask a lawyer what is meant by "billable hours" for example.  Dads who love their kids (and I think that is most dads)  want to enjoy being present and active in the life of the family and they also feel responsible for providing for their material needs.  It's not terribly different from the kinds of choices that working moms have to make.  In both cases harsh reality  dictates that no one can be in two places at once.

Answer 10

I think its important to support and be in the family.

They kind of fall hand in hand.

I think it is very important for both parents to have an active part in the support and lives of their children.

I tend to feel its just as much the womans duty as well as the mans to support a family.

I don't tend to believe in that traditional, dad works, mom stays at home and raisies the kids.

Answer 11

it is posible that in some uneducated place that there might be this misconseption.

I forgive you for asking this question