Is it my fault, I feel horrible????

Question

ummm, 3 years ago today my father commited suicide his note blamed everyone he commited suicide because we wouldnt let him another car (because he totalled his other one) and it said we diidnt give a d**n about him. I feel it was my fault, when he said he felt as no one cared about him, because the last words i said to him were "i hate you" I feel so bad. could i have prevented it???

I am 13

Answer 1

First of all, I have to say that I am so sorry for your loss.  Secondly, I want you to know that this was not your fault.  Someone who commits suicide, usually does not do it on a whim (unless it was accidental), and if he left a note, then it was something he had thought about before.  People who are suicidal usually have underlying mental problems such as depression.  My guess is that your father was suffering from something that perhaps you didn't even know about.  Please don't ever feel it was your fault.  He was the one who needed to be the adult and make the right decision - not you.  You were only a kid.  And I know that with last words like the ones you said to him will be in the back of your mind.  But you will have to learn to forgive yourself and your father.  

I hope I have helped you some.  God Bless.

Answer 2

Absolutely not your fault! Your father probably had a mental illness before you were born. If he could not help himself or even recognize that he had a problem than no one could have helped him.

I am sorry you feel that way, the fact that you said you hated him at 10 did not mean anything because that was how you felt at that time and you probably had a good reason (angry moment)

Answer 3

No, you are not to blame for someone who is clearly mentally unbalanced taking their own life.

The fact that he committed suicide because his family wouldn't let him have a car shows that he was very wrong in the head somehow .... normally it's the father who doesn't let the kid have the car. The suicide was his last attempt of control over his own life. You could not have stopped him.

I'm sure you didn't hate him, you felt like you did at the time. It's very hard to love someone who is mentally ill and going through an episode. You could not have stopped him.

He was ill, pet. Someone who leaves such a note behind is clearly not well. Don't blame yourself anymore. No one could have stopped him.

Answer 4

No you couldn't have prevented it. It's normal to feel guilty but you don't need to - your dad was obviously unhappy and that's not your fault...

Perhaps you could see a counsellor about it? They might be able to help you.

Good luck.

x