Is it my fault I was given up for foster care and adoption?

Question

As a child I was known to be kinda naughty... and now i am 14. I wosrry if it is actually my fault i was given for adoption... If it is tell me. NO HARD FEELINGS.

Answer 1

Dear Super Horse Lover,

Every child is kinda "naughty" at one point or another that is normal.  You were a child.  Decisions were made for you and it had nothing to do with you as a person.  Don't ever blame yourself.  It is NOT your fault.  Best wishes:)

Answer 2

People give their kids up for all kinds of reasons NONE are because their kids are naughty. When did this happen and do you know your birth parents? What their financial, emotional, and mental situation was when this happened? You may be able to explore this and get some peace. I am positive it had nothing to do with you being bad. Totally not your fault sweetheart.

Answer 3

no it wasn't your fault, probably your parents were unable or were not ready, or possibly unwilling to assume the role of a parent ( selfish reason on their part). Being naughty is not a good reason for giving a child up for adoption.I don't the circumstances for your parents giving you up. But I hope that you are in good or better life now than before. good luck!  

Answer 4

Heck No. Being placed in adoption is never the child's fault.  Even if you committed a huge crime--  your placement is not your fault.

Answer 5

a person is mainly the product of their upbringing and enviroment. Your parents failed you. Its not your fault.

Answer 6

Girl no it was not.I am 27 and I phased out of the system at 21 I had good homes and bad ones but I think  it was the right choice my parents had made because if I hadn't been put it that situation I would not be the person I am today. I can adapt to any situation because of the foster care system and people of different races and backgrounds. also it helped me in becoming a great mother and I try to give her the best things that I didn't have. So please don't think it was your fault it might be for the best . take care

Answer 7

All children are naughty at times.

Unless you did something like trying to cause physical harm to your family member(s) or any other human being, or an animal (like trying to kill a pet), then you couldn't be responsible for being given up for foster care.

You should ask why you were given up.

I was given up for adoption because mom couldn't support us.  When she found a new husband, he refused us.  This wasn't our fault.  

cw

Answer 8

Perhaps you wouldn't have been so naughty if it weren't for poor parenting on your parents part.  Also, different types of mental and physical problems, including things as simple and untested for as a food allergy, which triggers hyperactivity could have been at fault.  

Also, even though it wasn't your fault, your 1st parents might not have been at fault either, due to similar illness type problems.  Learn, go on, and always strive to do better for future generations.  Good luck!

Answer 9

No of course not.  But it's not uncommon for kids to feel that way - they tend to blame themselves for all kinds of things like their parents' divorce, being given up for adoption etc.

Answer 10

Absolutely not. Any real parent loves there child unconditionally! The problem is with your parents not you.  

Answer 11

Coming from another kinda naughty kid (actually, I was a total brat), it's NEVER the child's fault.  NEVER, EVER, EVER!!!

Let me tell you a little story.  When I was little (as in, when I very first learned to walk), I used to "run away".  My parents would suddenly realize I was gone, and they'd go looking for me.  They could usually find me because the tall grass in the pasture beyond the back yard was moving.  When my parents were in a good mood, they thought this was a hoot.  It's where I got my nickname, Boone (as in, the explorer, Daniel Boone).  But when they were in a bad mood, I was beaten for being annoying, stupid, not listening, etc.  What was the difference?  My parents' moods.  It had nothing to do with me.

It's STILL hard to understand that it wasn't my fault.  Even though, as an adult who has had plenty of therapy, I understand in my head that what they did was because of their own sickness (they are addicts), it still hurts like h**l.  I still find myself in moods where I wonder why I'm such a horrible person that people would do this to me.  But it's NOT me, it has nothing to do with me.  And it has nothing to do with you.  You are a good person.  

Doing "naughty" things is just how we learn and grow.  As little kids, it's our RESPONSIBILITY, or JOB to explore the world, to learn about textures and colors and sounds and cause and effect...that's not being naughty.  Someone may have labeled your natural learning process as "naughty", but they're wrong.

And I guarantee, that's NOT why your parents lost you to foster care.  (((((((HUGS)))))))

Answer 12

No dear.  It's never the child's fault.  You had no control over what happened to you.  Don't ever blame yourself for that...

I'd even go so far as to suggest you talk to a counselor about these feelings you're having... Not because there's something wrong with you (which there ISN'T!!) but because a lot of times we're traumatized by these situations and the thoughts and feelings that go along with them.  There are people out there who can help you work through these issues as well as reassure you that you didn't do anything to deserve or cause your placement.

My suggestion is to see a therapist (not a psychiatrist, I'm not suggesting medication!) so that you can talk to someone objectively and work through what's going on in your head. These things have a tendency to build and build over the course of your life and it's usually a good idea to resolve issues like this as soon as you're able.

Again, I'd like to stress that there's nothing wrong with you nor did you cause your placement by being naughty.

Keep your head up hun!

Answer 13

This is such a simple question to answer (looking at it from my standpoint)...  even though you give no details about you or your family, it is NOT your fault that you were placed in foster care and adopted.