Is it my intuition or should I stop worrying?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for a year. I am 30, he's 35. In the beginning he was very non commital because we knew he would be going away for 6 months on a temporary military assignment. 5 months into it I broke up with him because of it and a few days later he realized what I meant to him and he came running back, has been a different person, is very caring and good to me. Now we're half way through the 6 months we have to spend apart and we do communicate every day, either calls or texts. We've said "I love you" and he always asks how myself and my dogs, and my family are doing etc. But I can not stop this awful gut feeling I have that he is not being sincere. I mean, I can't get it out of my head how he was in the beginning and stand offish. Most of the time I am alright but sometimes if I try to call him and he doesn't call back for an hour or two (happens sometimes, but most of the time he calls first) and I don't ask what he was doing but I get paranoid that he is cheating, especially since I know he has quite a bit of free time and his roommates are single younger guys. I hate feeling this way, but I feel like it's taking me longer to trust him than it should. How can I stop this or am I right to be so cautious? (Also, I never question him I pretty much keep it inside. Plus our s*x life was very exciting and I worry that he can't resist temptation).

I do visit him every 6-8 weeks, if that helps.

He has never cheated or done anything bad to me other than being so closed off when I first met him.

Answer 1

Well this is the the outcome when you don't trust someone, but it doesn't seem like you have any reason not to trust him. I know you should always follow your gut but distinguishing between intuition and paranoia is the key, and right now the distance and lack of personal contact isn't helping. I think the only thing you can do is tell him that you feel like something is off, and see what he says. And then wait to see how it is when he returns. It is taking you longer to trust him because you are just starting off in this relationship, and now he is gone, so from the beginning this r/ship has been a bit different and you need to consider that in your longer than usual ability to trust.

Answer 2

maybe it's your intuition. maybe its not. you cannot accuse him for something you don't have evidence on. just try to keep on trusting him until he gives you what you think is a worthy reason to dump him.

Answer 3

In most relationships the newness wears off and life gets real. I would not worry about it. He sounds like a great guy. If you need more attention then you need to speak up and tell him your needs. Having these thoughts is actually affecting your relationship in one way or another. Trust is built and if you don't have that then you don't have anything. Talk to him and tell him you are insecure and need to be reassured.  

Answer 4

don't smother him

and don't write such long questions

.

Answer 5

Sounds like you have too much free time on your hands!

You are making yourself crazy thinking like this.  Let it go. If you love him, you have to trust him.  If he has given you no reason to distrust him, then don't.

Find some things to do to occupy your time.  It will make the time pass more quickly, and you won't clutter your mind with foolish thoughts.  Take up a hobby, volunteer, go to lunch or dinner with friends, take in some movies, etc...