Is it my job no matter what to get up every morning with my husband and make his breakfast and pack his lunch?

Question

I am a Stay-at-Home Mom with a 3 year old and an infant, and I realize I should do as much as possible around the house as I can since I am home, but my husband expects me to get up with him no matter what kind of a day I had the day before, or whether or not I slept well at night.

I breastfed my first child and now I am breastfeeding my second. Many times he expects me to just leave my child if they are feeding and come and attend to him in the morning till he is out the door.

I really want to do this thing for him if it makes him happy but he acts like I have to do it at all costs, so many times I want a little sleep in the morning if the kids are both sleeping, but he makes me feel that because he is getting up, I also HAVE to get up. Many times I am cranky the whole day because of this.

Am I being unfair for not doing this cheerfully or is he being unfair for forcing me to get up with him just because he is getting up?

Answer 1

are you for real? can he not make his own breakfast i make my partners lunch the night before, he understands im not going to get up at six in the morning if ive been up all night with the baby talk to your hubby you not his slave!!

Answer 2

it's rude of him to make you do that

Answer 3

It sounds like BOTH of you need to lighten up.  It shouldn't be a CHORE to do for each other.  If you really need to sleep in, how about making a breakfast and his lunch the night before?

A breakfast that he could pop in the microwave for two minutes.  If he likes sandwiches for lunch, don't let wet condiments touch the bread (spead them between meat slices and /or cheese) so the bread won't get soggy.  With some practice, you'll get the hang of it.  You shouldn't have to make the baby wait.  Babies don't like to wait and he's a big boy so he can do a certain amount for himself for the sake of his child.  It sounds like he may be trying to settle in to a "family" routine that he may have heard about or had when growing up.  Let him know that you don't mind doing this for him but sometimes you need him to "cut you a little slack,"  to "let you off the hook" when you didn't get much sleep.

Talk about it until you both have given a little and gotten a little. (No pun intended)

Answer 4

i have a 4 month old who still gets me up at night and 2 other children.

my partner gets up at 6am and wouldnt dream of getting me up to make his breakfast!

and on a weekend when he's not at work he gets up early with the kids so i can sleep.

you shouldnt be putting up with this its a total lack of consideration for you and your needs.

he is not a child he can sort himself out on a morning!

Answer 5

He sounds like a pig... It isn't your responsibility to wait on him like you're his servant. Tell him to do it himself, you are a stay at home mum to your kids, not your husband. This would be hard enough for you with 2 kids, your don't need an adult 3rd child thrown in to the mix as well!!!

Answer 6

The things you do for him is out of kindness and not his right, my one friend got divorced because her husband insisted she act like the other wives and pack him sandwiches to work - she refused, then he left her. Stupid reason to make someones life miserable. Maybe you should "swop roles" and have him take care of the kids and do everything you do during the day, and see how he feels, he'll look at you with new eyes :)

Answer 7

You are not being unfair, he sounds like a male chauvanist, lazy and demanding without giving a second thought for others feelings or the demands made on them.

I would spell out to him the demands made on you by young children, which you must attend to, and how helpful it would be if he got his own breakfast and prepared his own lunch. Marriage is a joint effort and he is not the lord of the manor.

Answer 8

He's an adult, he can tend to his own needs.

If he's not helping out overnight with the kids, then he shouldn't be forcing his schedule onto you.  Of course, discussing this with him sounds like it would be challenging.

Answer 9

Your marriage is a partnership, so you should BOTH be putting something into the relationship. How about you get up and make his breakfast every other day, and he helps you with the children when he gets in at night and weekends. His packed lunch can be made the night before and kept in the fridge.  They are his children as well as yours, and making a baby wait too long for his feed just distresses him so then stresses the rest of the family listening to a baby howling.  Remember they are not babies & children long they soon grow up, so you BOTH need to enjoy them while you can. Our children are now grown up and I only work 2/3 days per week, my partner will make his own packed lunch if I don't get up, and he always makes me a cup of tea first thing in the morning.  If |I am awake I get up and make his lunch because I love doing things for him.  He sometimes cooks in an evening or Sunday dinner, and also washes up sometimes, it is give and take in a relationship.  Maybe show him some of these answers and he will get the drift, he make have been brought up in a family where the wife and mother did everything.  That is an old fashioned view and doesn't fit into modern life.  

Good Luck

Answer 10

Not "no matter what"  You DEFINITELY should make breakfast for you husband, but getting up just "because he's getting up" sounds REALLY phucked up.  I also strongly agree with Gentle about him helping out after work, but not "no matter what".  Have him get up in the middle of the night just because you're getting up.  LOL  Or, completely switch roles like Lee-Ann suggested.  

I'm just not feeling the love here.  You guys are under some major stress and conflict.  This freak doesn't realize what all you have to do and therefore cannot appreciate it.

Answer 11

While I think it would be great for you to want to do that stuff for him I think it is unfair of him to make you feel like you have to do it even if you are having a bad day.  Your job is 24/7 and you barely get any breaks at all between feedings and caring for the children and trying to do other stuff around the house.  He should appreciate what you do for him and for the kids and want to give you a break sometimes too.  I know i hate it when a man treats his wife like she is a slave only there to do what he wants her to do.  My father was like that too.

Answer 12

I think you have 3 kids.

Tell your hubby that you have a full time job too - staying at home watching 2 kids.  Your job is probably harder than his is.  What a big baby he's being.  You know what you do - buy frozen waffles and pancakes and tell him to feed himself in the morning.  You have your hands full.  

Sorry, but I would just go off if my hubby expected that of me.  That's c**p.

Answer 13

yes.

Answer 14

He is being selfish, you have small children to take care of.

Why in the world would you want to get up if the kids are asleep !! You need as much rest as they do.

Just tell him NO, my husband & I have been married 7 years & have 3 small children, 5 years ago he told me I didn't iron his work shirts the way he liked them so I haven't ironed him a single item of clothing since !! You are his wife, not his employee !! He should be gratefull that you look after his children properly, tell him to do his own breakfast & make his lunch the night before & leave it in the fridge, personally I would make him sandwiches cut into squares with the crust taken off & put them in a barney dinasour lunch box, that would show his collegues what a bloody baby he is taht "mummy" has to make his lunch.

Cook clean & take good care of the children & tell him to cut you a bit of slack, being a mummy is hard enough with out an extra kid whining & moaning that his toast is to cold.

Answer 15

How old is your husband, five? He can make his own breakfast and pack his own lunch!

You are his partner, not his maidservant. Feeding your child is more important. Your husband can do it for himself or he can go hungry. Yes, you are home...but before he goes to work, so is he!

Really, did you wait on him hand and foot before you had kids? Why?

Answer 16

Its not your job to wake up when he does. You are a person, and as a person you are entitled to rights.

Answer 17

You shouldn't be expected to get up early or stop tending to your children in order do things for your husband. He's a grown man and can take care of himself.

My husband expects me to sleep in until the kids get up and would never expect me to wait on him in the morning. When I am up and able to paper him a little it's a different story and I know he appreciates it. My hubby gets himself fed and ready for work every day. He also picks up around the house for me and helps out with the kids when he gets home after work.

Talk to your husband and let him know that while you'd love to wait on him you just can't right now. Remind him that you aren't getting much sleep and that your job as a SAHM is very demanding and once you're able to get up early and still function during the day and take care of the kids, that you'd be happy to resume your routine of getting his breakfast and lunch together each morning (if that's what you want). In the meantime, he's a big boy and he needs to take care of himself. You are taking care of yourself and your two kids. You shouldn't be expected to take care of him as well.

Answer 18

No, he probably doesn't realize exactly what it means to be a stay at home parent to two young children. You shouldn't have to tend to his every beck and call. Its a nice gesture and its time together but it shouldn't be demanded and expected.