Is it normal and healthy for parents to phone every single day?

Question

My partner and I lived with his parents for two years. They would often come through and talk to us at anytime of the day even if we were in the middle of a game or movie. Now we've moved out and they're phoning my partner every single da and often two or three times a day. This is not an exaggeration.

I was speaking to his his brother-in-law and he said they do the same to his sister.

My partner will stop whatever we're doing to talk to them too, even if we're in the middle of something.

I'm getting really sick and tired of it.

Am I just being bitchy? Is this normal? Are most families like this? I just feel like they're always breathing down our necks and they're always there.

Or am I over reacting and they're just being supportive.

Answer 1

That's weird. It sounds like she hasn't totally cut the apron strings. I talk to my mom 2-3 times a week and my husband talks to his maybe 1-2 times a week. That's it.

I have a friend and her husband's mother was like this. She expected him to call her ALL the time while he was deployed. Yeah right. My friend told him that he could call her once to twice a month and all other calls would be to her. It may sound harsh but you really should tell him how it makes you feel. Tell him to call her ONE day out of the week and talk to her then. Really... what can they have to chat about every single day?

Answer 2

It is weird, but in most relationships there is always something weird.

I think you should talk to him and get him to ask them to only call at a certain times. And perhaps only once a day.

Or you could take the phone off the hook when you are doing something where you don't want to be disturbed.

Or you could just put up with it.

Answer 3

My family is this close.  My brother sister parents and grandparents do the same thing.  We come to each others houses when we want.

(we don't knock we just walk in) We call all the time.  It took my husband a little while to adjust but he did and you will to.  Our family motto is Blood is thicker than water and family will always be there.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Talk to him about this.  It's not abnormal if he has a very close relationship with his parents.  If it is beginning to cut into your personal time though, let him know how it makes you feel.  Don't assume he's not ready to be a parent if he talks to his parents up to three times a day.  Once you have a baby, that will most certainly change because the baby and you take top priority.  My husband talks to his father everyday for about 30 to 45 minutes when he gets home from work.  He and his father have a very close relationship and he calls his mom a couple times a week too.  I'm not bothered, jealous or threatened by it because I know that both our children and I take priority over them.

If it bothers you this much though I would address it with him and let him know how it makes you feel.  Tell him you love that his relationship with his parents is so close but that you would like it if the phone calls didn't interfere so much.  

Answer 5

it may connect you guys to be love, but is not good, the radius will make them sick, like cancer :(

Answer 6

I talk to my mom 1-4 times a day. Every single day. It is normal in many close nit families. Im 30 years with 3 children and i still enjoy talking with her. My husband found it odd when we were first married because he isnt close to his own family. I would suggest getting used to it or finding someone else. Family comes first. Which means when family calls you DONT ask them to call back unless its a dire emergency. The fact that you would ask your parents to phone back from overseas shows little respect. Id say jealousy and selfishness are 2 issues you seriously need to work on.  

Answer 7

maybe hes parents just want 2 make shore hes ok u should talk with ur partner and tell him ur worries

  

Answer 8

Do I detect a note of jealousy?You don't own him.It's not like he's being disloyal or anything.Perhaps you should question yourself as to why you feel threatened by their closeness.If it's because you feel they are intruding on your time together,now that you finally have him to yourself, then you're going to have to explain that to him and ask him to ask them to call back later if and when you're in the middle of something.Relax,he sounds like a caring guy who has enough love to go round all of you. :)

Answer 9

I can see where it would get annoying, but you have to put things into consideration.  I talk to my parents, and my brother everyday.  My mom and I can call eachother a few times a day.  The fact of the matter is...and when you have children, you'll prob. understand better, but I think it is good to have a strong bond with you children no matter how old they are, that's how families stay close, which is good for when you have children.  I talk to my aunt and my cousins everyday too.  I just hope my two sons will have a good bond with me, because I could not imagine not talking to them, and not being close with them.  You are not over reacting, because your partner shouldn't stop something he's in the middle of doing with you, he needs to just call them back.  They sound like they adore you, they let you live with them for two years, be happy that they do....a lot of guy's parents usually don't care for the other girl in their sons life.  Good Luck!

Answer 10

hiya lady M

Quote_

Am I just being bitchy? NO

Is this normal? well, if its just too check in then yeah thats okay, but sounds a bit obsessive too me.

Are most families like this? NO

I just feel like they're always breathing down our necks and they're always there.

Or am I over reacting and they're just being supportive. _ okay there is being supportive and being over protective and not letting go.

Quote

I'm extremely close to my family an friends but at the same time, I don't need to call them every single day.

I feel as though it's a reporting-in thing.

My partner and I are supposed to be a family now and make our own family, which isn't to say our parents aren't important. I just think a little space to live your life is a good thing.

Giving space and having space to someone doesn't mean you're not close.

I actually am a lot closer to both my Mum and Dad and are better friends with my Mum and Dad than he is with his, yet we don't need to talk every single day.

reading this just sounded like how i feel, my partner and i have been together almost 2 yrs, and his mum is the same, and it drives me crazy. the thing is, wedon'tt mind them calling do we? its just the sheer quantity of the calls, and how theyseemm so bloody important to our men! they will drop everything to talk to there mums, but if we ask them too do something for us whilst they are watching tv, or have a nice little chat, then we get a blank starre like 'dehhh im watching tv!!!'

my mother in law is a complete nightmare, she calls up and asking him too come cut her grass at 8pm, and he goes!! she lives 18 miles away!! and he is too soft too say no, but i ask him too wash u and by go, he has too be nagged and nagged, its a joke.

i tried too talk too him and say, 'listen i know your parents are important too you, as are mine, but we are your family now and we rely on you, she does not''

his mother was a single parent and treated mike like her husband, maiking him the man of the house kinda thing, and he thinks he still is.

i find it so tough, as i actually think its his mother who is jelous, as he is not there 24/7 at her beck and call doing whatever she tells him too do!!

so i totally agree with you, and do not think you are wrong in feeling this way. i mean i call my mum daily, as shes my mum. but if i am busy i can forget, and its not a problem, if she calls me and i am busy i ask her too bell me later and thats not a problem

and thats how it should be!! yeah family is inportant, but the people who live with you, your partner and kids, there needs should come first.

but i hate too say this, but i doubt it will ever change!! i have been going through this since day one, and it gets no better, so figured i should just deal with it! and i reckon u will too lol!!

keep your chin up!

Answer 11

Ive had the hubby parent think too. I got so sick of it i packed up and left.

He really should have a word with them, once a day is too much but bearable. but come on,!! two or three times is a bit much.

If he is not willing to ask them to reduce the calls i would get out of it if i were you.

i had 22 yrs of it, and it got worse, especially after they retired.

Answer 12

I talk to my mom that much. Mostly in small spurts (like 15 minute phone calls several times a day), and she lives a few hours away. I talk to my sister for about an hour everyday on the phone.

The only difference is, if they call and I'm busy with my kids (playing, reading etc) or with my husband (watching a movie, talking, cooking etc) I will not answer. I just call them back when I have a minute.

He does the same thing, but only talks to his mom every other day or so for about 20 minutes.

So it is kind of normal, but he shouldn't answer if you are busy doing something together or spending time together.

Answer 13

I think its normal for parents to be that way. No matter how old their children get, they still feel like they are their parents- as of course they are. But they have a hard time letting go. Its also natural that you feel annoyed.  Maybe you could ask them to give you all some space while you adjust.

Answer 14

It,s normal for some Family's .If you try to stop it there,s a possibility of causing bad feelings between your family .You could try putting the phone on an answer machine.Also some phones will tell you who is calling and you can chose to answer or not.

Answer 15

I think every family is different. Does HE mind his parents calling him on a daily basis? If he's happy with the way things are but you're not, then I think this is a case where a compromise needs to be found. If he's not happy they do this, maybe you should talk with him about it

If this is bothering him too, then really, it's his problem to deal with. How about suggesting that HE call THEM daily. That way he's in control of his time. Or maybe they can call at a pre-set time. If that won't work, maybe just don't answer the phone, or leave it off the hook when you're both doing something together.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but you do need to consider what's important to BOTH of you. And this may be important to him.

People are different. Some children are raised to cut the apron strings at a certain time, and (almost) never look back. Others are like your partner's and feel a stronger sense of connectedness. Neither is right or wrong, they just are what they are.

Answer 16

Not normal.

Answer 17

idk maybe once a week is alright

Answer 18

Some families are just like that.  I've learned to just not let it bother me so much in my situation.  But, it took several years to get to that point.

Answer 19

I believe it really depends on the relationship he had with his parents before.  I am close with my dad, and he calls at least once a day, he's called twice today because there's something wrong with my dog, and he's concerned; however, my mother and I are not close, and if we talk 1 time a week, it's a miracle.  We can go a month without talking, it just all depends on the relationship with the parent...

Answer 20

I would say that the parents are having a hard time adjusting to their kids being out of the house.  My folks did that for a while when I first moved out.  What needs to happen is your partner needs to talk to his parents honestly and openly.  He should set certain days that they can talk (say mon, thurs, sat) and a limit on the time.  Like a half-hour each of those days.  Otherwise, barring emergencies, his parents should refrain from calling the house.  That way, his parents know when they are getting an update from him and will stop worrying in the meantime.  He can mention that in the case of not talking as often, their conversations would be more meaningful (actually having something to say) and that he would look forward to talking to them so much more if it was not as often.  It is all about setting boundaries.  Both parties will gradually get used to the situation.  My family and I did this for about a year, and now we are just comfortable going longer lengths of time without talking. Sometimes we will talk three times a week, other times, not for two weeks at all.  

Answer 21

lol yes lots of parents do it hun  i no very annoying hun but it will get better or change you number  

Answer 22

it's probably a tiny bit O.T.T. LOL! just discuss it with them and ur partner.

hope this helps good luck.

Answer 23

secretly disconnect the phone fom the wall ...you know lol

then when thats been discovered keep accidentally leaving the phone off the hook if not talk to your man, he could have a word with her