Is it normal & common for a foster child to live in an environment with NOTHING but violence?

Question

***I posted this yesterday, but it didn't show up. I really need help. This is disturbing me. It's not easy just to "let it go". Please give me some advice on how to cope. (Sorry so long)

Why did I grow up in an environment with lots of violent, rowdy people? People looked for reasons to fight & hurt each other. Why? I just wanna know if it's normal.

I used to hate when the former foster family used to tell me, "People out in da street ain't gon' play that foolishness with you! Yo' @$$ is gonna wind up in jail or dead & deserve it. You're gonna go out in the street & wind up getting hurt. Nobody is gonna tolerate your bull****! Nobody is gonna put up with you cuttin' up!"

& they KNEW we have mental illnesses. I might have a Tourette's tic, such as uncontrollable facial twitching, & receive a 3-hr. long lecture about how I DESERVE to be dead, & how I "put myself in the position to DESERVE to be abused". & when I walked away from them talking to me like that, they would choke, beat, punch, etc. or do anything to me. & they gave neighbors & strangers permission to abuse us, & so did the cops, since the cops were buddy-buddy with them. I know I'll be 25 next week, but with my unwanted OCD thoughts, I get very upset with this replaying in my head like a broken record. "Your @$$ is gonna wind up dead!" My friend said these people really damaged my self-esteem & contributed to making my mental illnesses worse than what they would naturally be.

I just feel like CRYING right now because of the abuse they put me through. & they stole my checks when I turned 18. I'm here in the US. I really feel like I have no right to live. I mean, how do the cops ENCOURAGE the foster family to choke me? I can just "feel" the foster brother pounding & beating on me, him putting me in wrestling moves where I can't breathe, I can FEEL those belt beatings, the busted lips, the black eyes, the being forced to eat out of the trash can. & then they make threats to take me to court for slander, & 'TIL THIS DAY, they STILL hack my MySpace acct. & stalk my blogs to see if I was talking about them or not. I'm SO serious! I HATE almost everyone I know. EVERYONE from my past! They're always intrusively in my mind & in my unwanted OCD thoughts. Any & every activity I do unwantedly reminds me of them. When I feel the house is dirty & needs to get cleaned, I start getting those thoughts in my head of them calling me trifling, filthy, & nasty. & they used to do that, when I would be forced to stay in my room all day or cleaning up. I never really got to sit down & watch TV. I can't even watch TV here @ my home, even with me having my place on my own. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by watching TV.

If I eat, those thoughts come back, about them calling me fat & greedy, even if it's to drink a glass of water. & be lectured about how they hope I have a heart attack & diabetes & die.

They used to FORCE us against our will to go to this bible class, where they don't even believe in God. & would punish us with more chores, & take field trips, parties, school dances, etc., even if we felt we were too sick to go to that place. It was 3 times a week. & they used to tell me that I'm going to bust the lake of fire AKA h**l wide open, & they would tell me, "You have your NERVE to sit up there in class!" They turned me & my twin sister against each other. They encouraged us to fight each other, just for an excuse to punish us. & they tried to say I was jealous of her, when I wasn't & am still not. After I turned 18, & STILL NOW, they make threats to get my SSI & Soc. Sec. checks taken away. They tell me I better not get pregnant b/c they'd get my child into state custody before it's even born. & they think I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm very afraid, & I'm VERY shy & humble. I never got what I wanted.

I remember when I was in 3rd grade, we went on a convention for bible class, & I showed 1 of the foster mom's friends friends my new sneakers, & she (the foster mom) punched me in the mouth & busted my lip, & her friends & everyone else was LAUGHING! When family members came over, they would serve us LAST, during holidays & then send us somewhere else, so they can gossip & discuss about us "foster" kids like dogs. & the other members from that family would make up lies on me, just to get the foster mom to go off on me, so they can laugh & get their kicks & entertainment in seeing me be humiliated. They treated me like a slave & their errand girl & make threats to punish me from eating b/c my stomach hurt too bad to wash dishes. (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). The foster step-dad used to make threats to hurt me, he used to make sexual passes @ me, he used to choke me. He used to make us peel shrimp for ONLY HIM to eat, & when we told him we were sick, he would make us pick up trash from the yard. & he used to make threats to put laxatives in our food. He used to make threats to deprive us from eating. He used to put RUM in our food! & who knows what else. He treated us like we were the filthiest creatures on this earth, but yet, we would always find hair & his crusty nails in our food. & if it was lunch, & we threw it away, we would be punished from eating dinner. & he would play with his "you know what" & then cook without washing his hands, but before we ate, he MADE us wash our hands in front of his face, even if we had just washed them. & they used to make us check this & that & make sure of this & that. Yes, they contributed to my OCD, depression, etc.

The social worker made us stay with them even AFTER we turned 18, & even @ the age of 20, I was not able to leave the yard. & if I went to the library @ 3PM, the foster mom would give me lectures about how I deserve to get raped & stuff. & that 1 day, they're gonna find me under the bridge, & that I'm gonna be a statistic on the news.

I cannot forget about these people. Everything I do or say unwantedly reminds me of them. I have more to say, but I'm going to end it here.

I was unappreciated since BEFORE birth. & my birth mom put me & my twin sister in a clothes drawer & tried to suffocate us as newborns, & she deprived us of food, etc. & the foster mom used to say, "I should've left you nasty, filthy, dirty babies where I found y'all!" We were only a few mos. old, & we didn't even know any better. I really feel like crying. & now, this has affected every relationship I go through with people now, b/c they see my weaknesses. Is this a strange way of life? Is it a strange childhood to go through? & now, as an adult, people consider me childish & immature. I was always excluded from interacting with other kids my age b/c I was always "punished".

Answer 1

Dear Question Queen,

You deserved to be loved and treated with respect.  I'm sorry that didn't happen for you.  I agree with Looney Tunes, get into therapy and counseling.  That was the past.  Let go of your past and let go of the people who hurt you.  You were a helpless child with no control over things that were done to you.  Today YOU have the power.  Today you are an adult capable of taking care of yourself.  Today you will no longer be a victim because you are strong enough to stand up for yourself.  Start loving yourself and believing in yourself.  Journal away the past.  Therapy and counseling does help.  Be gentle with yourself.  Wishing you the best:)

(((((((((((((QQ))))))))))))))

Answer 2

Hey, you know I was a foster kid too and had alot of troubles. These things were not supposed to happen. It is not right.

And people that never lived as a foster kid, can't understand how hard it is to "move on and recover." To this day, I suffer from problems related to growing up with my bio-parents and then being in the foster care system. We can't move on....it is part of who we are.

Let me give you some advice. Get a therapist who has a specialization in trauma and PTSD and also adoption/foster issues. They are out there. I had one when I was younger and just found another one. They can help so much.

The only way you can get over PTSD is to get help. It is not your fault, but you can get better. Your life will always be touched by your experiences, but your feelings need to be heard and validated and all the **** you experienced needs to be worked through with an expert.

You know every single day, I wish I was dead. I have even tried on several occasions to kill myself. But what I am coming to realize is that if we succumb, they win. You never deserved it, but you can overcome it.

"Living well is the BEST revenge."

Answer 3

Wow. You are right in not thinking this is normal. And because you see it as not normal this is a good thing. These people were excellent teachers in how not to be. Learn from their mistakes and never repeat them. Knowing how mean and careless people can be is sad. But unfortunately their are way to many people like them. Be strong, be proud. You have the ability to make it all right. You can have a good life. And by not behaving anything like the people you had the misfortune to know is great. Go out in the world and be kind, loving and respect others. This is the right way for happiness. Take Care.

Answer 4

No it is not normal for foster children to grow up in abusive foster homes. The whole idea of removing a child from their biological family and placing them in foster or adoptive homes is to give them a safe and loving environment because their biological parents were unable to do so. That is horrible that you suffered abuse by both your birth mother and then your foster parents. It sounds like all of this trauma is still affecting you today (which is completely normal). You really need to find a good counselor who can help you work through and overcome all of the trauma you've endured.

Not that it will help you at this point, but just so you know most foster parents are not like that. You were unfortunate to get crappy ones and it affected your whole life and it's not fair. But just so you don't lose faith in people in general, there are lots of people out there who are kind and loving. Hopefully by working with a therapist you can learn how to form healthy relationships in your life as an adult and learn to trust again.

Answer 5

NOOO way!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Specially if this violence is on the child..!!!!!!

GO AWAY from these SUCK*RS!!!!!!!!!

REALLY THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU NOT SAYIN NOTHING....

Answer 6

I don't really know what to say, but I know I have to say something.

I am so sorry that all of this happened to you.  It is just down right disgusting.  As a former foster parent, it boils my blood that these people were allowed to foster.  We are not all like that.  

Like the others advised, try to find a therapist to help you get through these memories.  I will be thinking about you and praying for you.