Is it normal for a father treating a son better than the other?

Question

my brother is recently going to jr. high and my father still treats him like a littleboy. he gets more money than i do, i've even seen him undress my brother when he's asleep like a little child and gives him special treatment like little hugs etc, etc. im 3 yrs older than him and im not treated the same way. sometimes i feel invisible. is there something wrong with me or with my father.

Answer 1

First off why is he undressing your brother when he is asleep?

As for the rest some fathers relate more to one child than the other...I have no idea why this is,but it does happen. My cousins were the same way my uncle treated my oldest cousin like a king and my youngest got the short end of the stick and I never realy knew why but I think it might have had something to do with my youngest couz did not follow in my uncles footsteps like my oldest did.Maybe if that is the case then that is the answer to it...other than that I have no idea and it sucks that parents do this to their children!

Answer 2

while i dont think it is normal to undress him, it is human nature to have a "favorite". although just becasue one is favored over another the reasons may be far different than what you think. perhaps he is given special treatment because they dont think he is as solid, dependable and capable as you are.

that is what my mom said when i asked her why she gives my little sister everything and i get shafted everytime. im 30 now, so its been going on a long time.

Answer 3

first their is nothing wrong with you.Have you talked to your dad or mom .You shod it is not normal for a father to openly chose one over another.

Answer 4

"Normal" -no. "Human" -unfortunately. Your's is a VERY common situation... And it's GOING to cause You a LOT of Unhappiness- until you realise that this is your FATHER'S shortcoming & NO fault of your own- & that the SOONER you "let it go" & accept it- the HAPPIER & less resentfull you're gonna be. Sure- "it's not fair". There's aLOT of things about Life & being Human- that isn't. But we DO have the Choice about HOW we want to live Our Lives. And since we can't "control" the Behaviors of Others in Our Lives- the LEAST we can do- is make OURSELVES Happy. That's what real "Maturity" is all about... And once we've reached THAT Point, what others think or do- no longer matters... :)

Answer 5

The undressing part is a bit ... wrong and creepy.

But it's normal for parents to have a favorite.  It could also be that your father knows you don't need the extra help to succeed in life while he might think that your brother does need the help.

Answer 6

Sigh, such is the life of being the youngest sibling.  First, I think your little brother fell asleep (it must have been late) and your father was preparing him for bed.  Shame on those that misconstrue this situation.

Get used to it because you're not going to change it.  He's the baby of the family.  You will be more mature, more responsible and can thrive in this situation if you stop acting like you have a chip on your shoulder and get on with your life.  Being jealous will help no one (especially not you) in this situation.

Answer 7

you should try talking to him and ask why he treats you different so you could go on with your life. Your father is not following his job description his job is to make his children independent so they could face the world, too bad that when your father is not around for your brother--  he's not going to know where to run.  And please don't follow his footsteps when you have children treat them equally they will appreciate it ...

Answer 8

Whilst undergoing my university degree I did come across this phenomenon in certain circumstances. This can be caused by many reasons, sometimes a child will remind a parent of their lost spouse, and sometimes their personalities "fit" a little better. Sometimes it is from social pressures (such as 'Daddy's little girl"). It can also be caused by sexual abuse perpetrated by the parent onto one or more of the parents’ children. An abusive parent may only abuse one of their children even those there is opportunities to abuse the others (even if they have a dozen more children besides). So, yes there are times when this can happen.

Personally, my father decided that he was going to treat me like a child regardless of what I thought (I am 25 years old and have a 6 month old daughter, my brother is 4 years old). When my daughter was born, I told him that I wanted him to treat me like an adult or I would break off all contact with him. He refused and I have broken contact. I put this story in because while you may feel like you are missing out by a perceived imbalance of your fathers’ time, you have many benefits and an increase in independence because of it.

I would suggest not pushing this onto your father, or brother, by demanding more time and attention from your father, but enjoy the time you do spend together, my sister-in-law believes that my wife got and still gets loads more attention and time from their mother and now spoils all family get togethers by pressuring everyone to put her son (my nephew) into the centre of attention. Enjoy your youth, chances are you only think your missing out, but in fact you may be getting more than you realise.

Answer 9

ditto on what joseph said, he is very wise.