Is it normal for an 11 year old and 4 year old to fight all the time?

Question

The 4 year old can not sit next to her 11 year old sister without it turning into a fight. One will poke the other or if the 4 year old just leans on the 11 year old she says OUCH you are hurting me. Every little thing her 4 year old sister does she fusses, gripes, and complains. The 4 year old could be just moving a pillow from the couch to a chair and the 11 year old screams "Don't do that"! Then the 4 year old does it more just to make her fuss.

Any suggestions would be appreciated! No smart *** remarks please!

Answer 1

My sister is 7 years younger than me and that sounds exactly like us, sadly.  

In a few years it will be the younger one idolizing the older one, and her not wanting anything to do with her little sister.

We outgrew it, there's really nothing you can do.  We are SO close now, especially because she's going through the whole teen phase.

Answer 2

LOL @ smart *** remarks. I say that all the time. But right now I have my own 2 kids ages 9 and 7 with me. And then I also have my 12 and 5 year  old nephews visiting for the past month. Man I can't wait til they go home. Love em to death tho...but it seems they are going to be the death of me.

To cut down on arguments....I give assigned seats. Since you only have two, I would just seperate them as much as possible. Also the other thing I implemented was extra chores. Whoever starts the argument, automatically gets extra chores...if the other person argues back, they also gets extra chores. Good luck

Answer 3

The age difference doesn't help but you are also dealing with two awkward ages. At 11 she is just starting puberty and she has a lot going on with hormones. She needs her own space. She is no longer a little girl. The four year old is trying to compete with her older sister. At age 4 she wants to be 11. Try to keep them apart as much as possible. Give the 11 year old something to do that the 4 year old can't do. Maybe they do two different things after school. One goes to dance class and the other to swimming lessons. It doesn't matter what they do as long as it is not together. Right now that 11 year old needs your attention and understanding more than the 4 year old so try and keep that in mind. She is having a hard time of it right now.

Answer 4

I hear you sister!

I have a 3 yr old and a 10 yr old.  It is just plain old sibling rivalry.  People told me when I was pregnant with me second, oh you will be so lucky, your kids will not fight as your older one will know better.  HA!

Sometimes it is a ploy of the kids to get my attention, and oddly enough the majority of the time it is the younger one that starts the whole situation. Or is it a jealousy issue, is the older one feeling he needs to control so you pay more attention to him/her?

The only advice I can give you is to get down to their level, separate them and get to the bottom of the issue.  Is it their issue, or is it yours? Do they need to get outside more, are they hungry or just plain tired? These three are the top three reasons my kids start acting out against each other.

Answer 5

Dont worry. They'll get over it as soon as one turs 7yrs old and the other one gets older. it happened with me, not the poking stuff and the laying think i would nevr poke my sis and whenever i lay with my sis were so close but they'll get it over with and make up!