Is it normal for my partner to allow her 8 year old to come in and sleep with us 5 out of 7 nights a week?

Question

My partners 8 year old either comes in halfway through the night or starts out in our room almost every night. The child is not sick or scared, but just wants to be in there. It is driving me crazy and my partner doesn't care. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

no i dont think so. she needs to sleep by herslef

Answer 2

No it is not normal. In order for an 8 year old kid to develop a normal sense of self and separation from others, he/she should be sleeping somewhere other than with their parent.

Answer 3

oh, no way! my 9 month old HAS to sleep by herself, and thats because she wants to! I would only allow her to sleep with me if she was sick or scared. Especially at 8 years old! And i really dont think my boyfriend would feel comfortable with that either, even if he is more like her real father.

Answer 4

I don't have children, so take this for what it's worth. It sounds like her daughter is probably jealous/insecure about your role in her mother's life. She's trying to assert her power by coming into your bed. I can understand why you're partner would allow her daughter to do this, but it's not healthy for either relationship. This is an eight year old girl and she should be sleeping in her own bed. It is her mother's job to make sure when she comes in at night to redirect her back to her room. I'm not sure what you're daytime schedule/routines are like, but maybe your partner needs to schedule some mother/daughter only times to reassure her daughter that she is still very important to her and that you are not taking her away.

Answer 5

Communication is the key. Talk to your partner. My children do not sleep in our bed, unless they are sick or they have had a bad dream or something. Not just becasue they want to be in there. You need to talk to your partner, and like someone else said, she may be asking why you are sleeping in there?

Answer 6

Just take to your partner. The child is 8 years old and theres no reason why she cant sleep in her own room. Your and you partners bedroom is just that. YOUR and your PARTNERS.

Answer 7

"Am I wrong?"  Obviously in your choice of partners you are.

Answer 8

The child is probably wondering the same thing about why you are in his mother's bed.

Answer 9

It sounds like it's normal for them, anyway.  And, as long as there is nothing abusive going on, and everyone involved is happy with it & getting a good night's sleep, then there's nothing wrong in it.  

Was this a surprise to you, when you moved in?  Did you talk about this beforehand?  

It sounds like you & your partner have some very diverse views on this issue.  You should really talk these things over & come to a respectful understanding of each other before going any further or adding any more children to the mix.