Is it normal to feel invaluable as a Mother?

Question

I'm a 21 year old Mum to a beautiful 5 and a half month old baby girl called MIllie. I intend to breast feed until she is a year old, she's putting on weight and she's an active, happy little thing. The thing is when i'm around older Mothers i feel like i'm not as great a Mother as they are. I see them coping and they're doing everything pretty much the same as i do. I don't have alot of time for anything else other than my baby, my house is a tip most of the time but i just want to spend time with my little girl. The other Mum's manage to keep their babies happy, clean their houses and have a social life. I just want to know, if their are any other Mum's out there who feel like they don't measure up and whether it's normal to feel this way? I was diagnosed with PND in the beginning, is it possible that it has come back?

Answer 1

hi mchelle.first of all no your pnd has not come back.what your experiencing is very normal and its tough to manage all the household tasks and care for a young baby.theres always going to be that comparison between you and other moms.its not that they do things better than you,just different.you choose to devote more time to your child than other moms,and it maens household chores are taking the back seat.this is not a bad thing.im sure you still manage the house just fine.

Answer 2

it sounds like a bit of the baby blues, I have 3 kids youngest is 3 and there are still times when I feel over whelmed and wonder if I'm doing all I can/should be... in the end just try to remind your self that you are a good mom and everyone has there flaws... Usually the ones that seem "perfect" are the ones with the most issues!

Answer 3

My son is 11 months old and I still feel that way ;) Just try not to compare yourself to other moms...everyone is different. If the house is a mess...don't worry about it...it's good that you're putting your little one first! I feel like I'm lucky if I take a shower, take care of my son, eat a meal or two, and maybe check the mail in a day! It gets better as your child gets older. You're still learning how to juggle everything!!  

Answer 4

If you think you may be experience a form of depression go to your doctor, go to a support group...something...don't just let it linger.

Your child is #1 and keeping a tidy house doesn't have to be at the top of the list so long as it isn't getting messy to the point of effecting health.

Don't waste your time comparing yourself to other mothers...you will always find something you are not doing and the next mother will always find something she is not doing.  Be yourself and if you strive for more just work on it.

Answer 5

It's so normal to feel that way! I love that you put your daughter first. Don't worry about your house. I did for the longest time, but then I asked myself if I wanted my son to remember a mommy who cleaned like crazy, or who played with him? I have tons of memories with my mom and a vacuum, or a bottle of windex, and not as many with her as playing with me.

I didn't have a big social life when my son was an infant, and it's still lacking. I think it's far better to put that on temporary hold, than to put your baby on hold. It's well worth it in the end.  

Answer 6

i know how you feel, i just had my baby 3 weeks ago and i feel awful that my house is a mess.  i still haven't unpacked my hospital bag.  my laundry desperately needs to be done but all i have time for right now is taking care of the baby.  

Answer 7

When i had my first son I went through a depression because i just didn't feel like I was as good of a mom as my mom or my grandma.  I just felt so trained and tired all the time so I felt like I was doing something wrong, like I should have been super mom and wasn't.  I started feeling better about things but then i had my second son and the emotions seemed to come back.  I just felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me and kept thinking I wasn't worthy of having such wonderful little boys.  I still have my moments of thinking that I may not be as good of a mom as I should be but they come and go and I know a lot of it rightn now is because I am pregnant with my third son and going through a lot with my other two boys and stuff but I have had questions in my head about how good of a mom I can be to a third son but my mom everyday tells me that she thinks I am a great mom and she has really helped me get through things.  

Answer 8

i know how you feel pet i'm a twenty year old mother of 2 boys aged 20 and 8 months. i always felt invaluable i felt like a failure around other mums. i felt that the were looking down on me because i was so young. i'm going to give you some advice and you might think it worthless. you love your little girl and she loves you, she trusts you 100%. you have made a fantastic choice for her breastfeeding which show your worried about your little one's wellbeing. YOU ARE A GREAT MOM ALREADY! I still get my off days where i think i cant cope. my house is always untidy and from the moment you bring your baby home your house will be a tip till she moves out which is a good 18 possibly longer years away. no mum manages to keep a house spotless. i do all my cleaning when i put my boys to bed for the night but the next morning it's looking just as bad. and as for a social life i havent had one since 2006! you will find it difficult at times, rearing a child is the most challenging task you will ever have. be happy that your baby is healthy. embrace evry gurgle and smile because before you know it she'll be stomping around with attitude cuz she can't have what she wants. if i were to be honest i think all mum's feel like this at time but just dont like to admit it beacause then they would see themselves as failures. you will always question what you are doing for your child and you will never know what the right decision is. but all these thing that you feel is what every new mum feels it is normal and if a mother were to tell me she never felt this way then i would be worried. if you want to chat somemore about anything i'd love to help you and i could sometimes use someone to moan to myself. i'm on msn messenger [e-mail] i hope this helps but do keep in touch. and just keep reminding yourself that these mums all have there moments. we all had to start at the beginning. congrats on baby by the way

Answer 9

You are giving your child your full attention, and she is happy. Be proud of what you are doing and who cares if your house is a tip. So is mine half the time but I would rather see smiles on my kids faces than spending hours cleaning.

Seriously well done and dont worry. You sound like a fantastic mum.