Is it normal to feel jealous & angry at the happy faces on myspace when you missed out on a happy life ?

Question

ive missed out all my life on happiness, goals, friendships, relationships, work, education, lifestyles..

never achieved any of it because ive suffered such a miserable life of trauma, let downs, rejection, bullying ~( physical and mental ) - abuse, assaults, attacks, time in a psychiatric hospital, time in jail....a criminal record...a mental health record etc...

today ive lived on my own since 2005 in a small messy flat without anybody....i have no social support network exceptt my mother and 1 internet friend.....my mother who is aging and cannot do the things she used to.

i live on disability, i own nothing except a few books and an old dusty computer.

because of the severe bullying and abuse i suffered i developed a rage and aggression problem....iam diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and ptsd..

i used to have rage outbursts many times in crowded public places and lash out at strangers.....get confrontational.....stare at people act out of control aggressive..

because of this sometimes i thought could i have intermittent explosive disorder ?

but have accepted my bpd diagnoses, ive made lot of progress controling my aggression and outbursts for years now...and are waiting for an appointment for psychotherapy..

for a while ive experienced bad anxiety, flashbacks, panic that keep my staying inside my apartment except when i need to go out..

struggled with aggression because of unresolved anger of the past, severe bullying etc..

paranoia that im being deliberatly alienated by people, ostracised and socially excluded.....like my lifes being opressed and controlled..

im not sure how the paranoia started but ive had it vertually all my adult life.

sometimes in an average day, some people are abrupt, cold, stand-offish, non accepting of me, aloof, exchange glances, and seem to be deliberatly making me feel like an outcast..

supermarket workers, cafe workers, store cashiers ...authority figures..

this reinforces my paranoia im being socially ostracised.

i feel society....the local community has a negative perception of me which, just the thought they have makes me feel incredablly angry.

i feel deliberatly shut out of society.....like im stigmatised, like a lot of people know about my past....rage episodes....my background etc..

i feel vilified by people who used to victimise me years back.

i feel people in the community remember my countless ragew outburst or im somehow stigmatised and labelled in other ways..

otherwise, why are people so aloof, and stand-offish from me and seem to distance themselves from me ???

obviously i struggle with aloofness myself, and im very wary and guarded towards people......but no one can blame me for that considering everything i have had to go through....

in spite of my c**p life ive had to endure, and my past, and history and possible stigma surrounding me im still going on....making progress with my rage.....have the odd setback with anger showing - but on the whole ive done well.

im trying to be positive and work towards future goals of a good paid job and to move away from england to live near the quiet coast somewhere....to live a peaceful life..

im 30 now and obviously missed out a great deal on everything..

i need treatment for my injured ankle and torn ankle ligaments, i have to watch how i walk, or else i can go over.....it is very weak......

its depressing to because with it i feel like a cripple.

the skin on the head of my p***s is all cracked and teared, covering the head.....so im waiting to hear from a dermatologist about that.

so theres alot of things causing me insecurity and anxiety at the moment.

and ontop of that, when i go outside....or i browse myspace, in england at female profiles or other countries in myspace i see beaming happy grins.....like everyones happy....oblivious to my life of torment and torture..

flirty, wide grinned, rosy cheeked, fair haired grins and i feel incredablly angry at that !!!!! ( clenched teeth )

because ive missed out all my life at starting from scratch at 30, on my own in a small flat.

how do i handle this ?

because i feel angry and jealous toward those happy people and want to take it out on them

i know that its wrong to feel that way thats why im asking for help

Answer 1

First off its not wrong to feel this way. Its normal. I understand how you feel. Your thinking to yourself. "Why Me!?"... I have lost my boyfriend to death in a drowining accident. So now when i see that people put on  they myspace page that they are so happy & im like. Wow why cant that be me? So i understand. & all i can say is. You gotta take one step at a time. & Do what makes U happy. G'luck!

Answer 2

Yeah, absolutely......., I'm 30, and I'm in the same boat you are, whenever I see a romantic comedy on tv, I want to throw the remote at it, when A woman tells me, she's married, or has a boyfriend, I get pissed, and feel rejected....I think it's natural to want what you don't have..and to be angry at people who take those things for granted.

Answer 3

perhaps you should write an autobiography!  its not wrong its normal, im the same way, believe it or not you're not the only one who feels like this, there are many depressed people out there such as myself who cant stand the sight of happy young people...youre still young yourself maybe you can make a change, be confident, talk to people, act like you own the world

Answer 4

Oh wow

you sound as if you have been through a lonely h**l.

Photographs are deceiving, they are all happy and smiling, but EVERYBODY has their problems. I can totally empathise as i feel the same when i see photo's of people on  holidays who ;look as thought they have had a brilliant time and are popular. I have looked after my disabled child for 10 years on my own .  I have no family and a handful of friend i see when it suits them. So yes i have missed a out a bit too. I am 34 and i live ina messy house. You have been through so much. You are getting better and you are helping yourself. You have little way to go but God the experience you have you can help others in a professional capacity. Are you able to study? If so become a social worker or something that helps people. They will fight over you to work for them. I think you are an amazing man. Maybe when you are stronger think about moving if the people are off hand with you. You can start afresh somewhere else you wont be recognised and judged,

It is not wrong to feel that way it is good it means you are heading towards finding out what you are capable of and what kind of life you want. You have waited a long time to get where you are now. Patience creates ambition in my book.

You sound to me on the right road.

if i think of anything else i will add later

Claire x

Birmingham

Answer 5

what makes you think that their lives are any better than yours...

just because some ones not constantly complaining and bemoaning and telling their life story to the world doesnt mean to say that their lifes are wonderful and constantly happy

most folk hide their pain often behind a smile and a joke

Answer 6

Wow, I feel sorry for you, but I have never seen such a long list of problems.

Hey, just think about the millions who are worse off than you - at this very minute people are being literally blasted out of their homes (and sometimes their  skins) in Georgia and other trouble spots around the globe. You know the saying, `there is always someone worse off than yourself`.

Please try and get things in perspective.

Answer 7

umm im sorry but like this is waaayyy too long to read so all im going to say is hi

Answer 8

No, I think we all would love to be happy and beautiful at the same time. But ,we are who we are. So being a little jealous  sometimes is quiet normal my friend.

Answer 9

it is really not a question of weather or not it is normal, it is about how you are feeling right now. It might be nothing to someone else (and that is why they can make a joke of it) but unless someone has walked down the same road as you, then it really can't be classed as normal thinking or not, it is more of a 'cause and affect' action, to which you are just on your guard, and trying to protect yourself from another traumatic event ...but the grins of others, just remind you that they are happy and you feel slighted and want to know why you aren't feeling the same way...it isn't actually the people that you resent, it is the fact they are happy and you are not...that''s all...and it could be an understood reaction, considering all you 've gone through.

Answer 10

Hi,

I have answered your questions a few times and my heart goes out to you but you won't find the answers on here no matter how many times you post the same question and I don't mean that in a horrible way. I have some of the same problems as you so i know how hard it can be but I just feel yoru letting yourself be disappointed by trying so hard for people to answer all of the above.

x

Answer 11

Go move in a social place.

Trying talking with other people.

Your the only one that is keeping yourself

from staying happy.