Is it normal to not want to have kids for this reason?

Question

I do not want to have kids because I believe that children ruin the relationship between their parents. I am very intense about love, and it crushes me whenever a mother or a father is asked what their reason for living is and they say that their child/children are. Shouldn't it be their spouse??? Can anyone help me because I'm just so confused!!!

Answer 1

having kids with my husband had made my love grow for him. To see him with our children is amazing. Watching him gently brush our daughters hair. Him playing cars so realistically with our son, and then walking the floor late at night with our baby because she is fussy and wont sleep. All this has made me love him even more and has made our relationship grow.

Sure things are more complicated, we don't always agree on how to discipline our kids but if you truly love the father/mother of your child then having children will cause your love to grow not diminish in any way.

Loving your children is a different way than loving your husband. Your love for your spouse is more sexual than for your children. Your children you want to protect and hold, you don't want to have s*x with your children. :)

I could never put my children before anything and my husband because he loves me and our children would NEVER ask me to put our children before him and the same for me.

Love for a spouse and love for a child is phenomenally different. And you can't imagine that kind of love until you have it.You also cannot understand the need to have a child with someone and create life until you truly love someone, and feel that need yourself.

Answer 2

Children don't ruin the relationship. The needy co-dependent relationship is a thing of your teens and early 20's. After that you are ready and willing to love a child.

Loving a child is far different to loving a partner.

If I think of someone hurting D, I think of what he would do to them. If I think of someone hurting my baby, I think of what *I* would do to them. It's a pure love, and not based on what he can do for me the way an adult relationship is. His simple *being* is enough for me to love him above and beyond my own life.

Answer 3

you are right...i agree.

i have kids,and i live for them and MY HUSBAND. but my kids always come first....

and kids dont ruin the relationship.the adults in it do.

Answer 4

Kids arent what causes a relationship to fail.

What actually happens...  Is that the couple neglects to discuss having kids or parenting in detail as they are dating.  Then later when they either get preg or one wants to get preg, they suddenly discover their opinions differ so widely that they arent even on the same page, not even in the same chapter.  Often one parent may be very lax and the other very strict.  While one is saying no, the other is saying yes.  And most of that could be solved by simply talking about it when you first start dating when you are talking about all the other things that may or may not be deal breakers.  Also, in parenting, just like marriage, you have to compromise.  

Its ok to not want kids.  That is your choice.  But in your young mind, please dont assume that it is merely having kids that ruins the marriage.

Answer 5

My aunt always told me this: "You should always be a MOTHER first and THEN a WOMAN."

But anyway..I think that its because you havent yet experienced that. In a way, you are correct, however, a child is your own blood. For most woman who are mothers say their child because of that reason and because they gave birth to that child. There is a special connection between a mother and her child, one that a man possibly cannot be compatible with. As for your belief of kids ruining a relationship, well, you have a point about that, but its not true. A child should join a couple, not separate them. But everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Including you.

Answer 6

I also put my husband first and foremost. If you put children before your spouse and marriage, you are in big trouble.

Answer 7

well if you dont have kids you cant imagine that sort of love, it is a very intese unconditional love where you wud love your kids no matter wot they do, but you wud probably leave your parter if they did something bad enough. if you dont want kids thats fine, but at the end of the day the love for a child is and shud be the greates love of all. it doesnt mean you love your parter any less its just a different kind of love that you cant understandwithout having kids of your own. no one can explain it to you. if you dont want kids thats fine not everyone has to reproduce, but dont let it crush you that peoples reason for living is their kids, thats natural and the way it shud be!

Answer 8

i agree with wat most people are saying that its different kind of love but another point is that if u were to die of course your spouse would be sad but your children would be greatly affected because you're not there to raise them and a huge part of their life is missing where as your spouse has already grown up ... and has that part of their life completed. Most people i know would say that their FAMILY is what they live for ... not just one particular part of their family.

Answer 9

Having kids doesn't diminish your love for your spouse at all.  You love your kids in a different (arguably, though not everyone would agree) even more powerful way.

The time commitment, stress, and financial commitment from having kids can certainly put negative pressure on a relationship, and that's a reasonable thing to think about when deciding whether you want kids.  Most people who've done it are glad they did, however.

Answer 10

you can not want to have children for whatever reason you want, me personally i have such an awesome and intense relationship with my husband i could never imagine putting anyone before him one of many reasons we chose not to have kids

Answer 11

Don't be confused about what other people think. You can only worry about yourself. If you don't want kids, then by all means don't have any.

Answer 12

This is because you do not have children! It does not ruin anything to have babies!! It make it stronger!! Untill you have your first kid, you will never know how parents can say they live for their kids!!! It changes you, for the better, nothing will take away from the love you have for your wife!

Answer 13

Well, you have to make sure you find a woman who doesn't want kids also... because not having kids can ruin a relationship too.

I think ANY reason for not wanting children is a legitimate one.  I don't get it... but whatever.

My husband and I both feel more complete after having kids.  We do fight more now and we're under a lot of stress and pressure.  He changed and turned into a big jerk but we're working on it.

As for putting my husband first ahead of my kids... that sounds good in theory but no man should expect that.  I don't expect my husband to put me ahead of our kids.  If we're all drowning, I want him to save the children!

Answer 14

There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids and whoever says otherwise is ignorant. Some people are just not meant to raise children. I personally do not want kids but I do want to help kids. Children do not necessarily ruin the relationship, the parents themselves do it.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. Having kids for the sake of social acceptance is selfish and harmful for the children.

Answer 15

Any reason not to have a kid is a good one. This world doesn't need anymore people and unborn children won't have a nice world to live on because of environmental degradation, over population and climate change.

Answer 16

I agree that the adults ruin their relationship, not the kids.

My husband and I have a 4 year old and our marriage is fine. We get along great and really enjoy each other's company.

We always make time for each other.

Besides, as a parent, family is your reason for living - that includes your spouse and your kids.

Answer 17

Dude, you are totally right. Kids are the reason why relationships break up. I don't want children, like never. I think its better if people get married and never have kids.

Answer 18

I live for my daughter.

I dont think the way you feel is wrong, everyone has reasons that are different.

There are some that put their spouse before their children and others that put children before anything else.

And who knows... if you had a child you may feel different, or you may not.